Cutlerine
Note: I'm gone. I may or may not be coming back.
Ha. That old biography was fun, wasn't it? If this is your first time viewing this page, apologies - you missed out on a fabulous little story.
Alas, it was not true - not a word of it; not the bit about the dolphins, or the aye-aye, or the trees. I am not the Dark Lord of Ealing; I have never even been to Ealing. (Actually, that's a lie. I have, but it sounds more emphatic if I say I haven't.) I don't know the first thing about stealthily arranging flowers at midnight, and I have no urge to sabotage any horticultural society shows.
No; I am but an ordinary human, in an ordinary house in an ordinary town. My life is perfectly encapsulated in all its mundane detail and existential terror in the song 'Bad Wine and Lemon Cake', if you know it. (If not, I suggest you give it a listen; it's by Tom Dickins of the Jane Austen Argument. If it doesn't inspire at least a little fear and dread in you, then you're either too young for it to apply or living life to the full.)
Anyway. I only really wrote all this to get rid of the old biography. I have no intention of giving you any more concrete details about who or what I am than were contained in the last biography I wrote. Leave me at that - a series of words on a screen, no more a real person to you than you are to me. A massive branching tree of memories and paths not taken and regrets and fears and loves, none of which you will ever know, just as I will never know those that make up you.
We are alike, you and I, in that respect.
Wow, that was a bit weird, wasn't it? Don't know what came over me. I might need to go and have a little lie down after that.
Writing, reading, gaming, drawing, making creepy soft toys. You know, the usual.
Ha. That old biography was fun, wasn't it? If this is your first time viewing this page, apologies - you missed out on a fabulous little story.
Alas, it was not true - not a word of it; not the bit about the dolphins, or the aye-aye, or the trees. I am not the Dark Lord of Ealing; I have never even been to Ealing. (Actually, that's a lie. I have, but it sounds more emphatic if I say I haven't.) I don't know the first thing about stealthily arranging flowers at midnight, and I have no urge to sabotage any horticultural society shows.
No; I am but an ordinary human, in an ordinary house in an ordinary town. My life is perfectly encapsulated in all its mundane detail and existential terror in the song 'Bad Wine and Lemon Cake', if you know it. (If not, I suggest you give it a listen; it's by Tom Dickins of the Jane Austen Argument. If it doesn't inspire at least a little fear and dread in you, then you're either too young for it to apply or living life to the full.)
Anyway. I only really wrote all this to get rid of the old biography. I have no intention of giving you any more concrete details about who or what I am than were contained in the last biography I wrote. Leave me at that - a series of words on a screen, no more a real person to you than you are to me. A massive branching tree of memories and paths not taken and regrets and fears and loves, none of which you will ever know, just as I will never know those that make up you.
We are alike, you and I, in that respect.
Wow, that was a bit weird, wasn't it? Don't know what came over me. I might need to go and have a little lie down after that.
Writing, reading, gaming, drawing, making creepy soft toys. You know, the usual.
- Location
- The Misspelled Cyrpt
- Nature
- Impish
- Favorite Pokémon
- Probopass, Ludicolo, Malamar and Cacturne. I tend to favour the bizarre over the strong or the cool. And indeed over everything else.
Signature
Stories
The Thinking Man's Guide to Destroying the World * The Rocket Case * The Rocket Revival
Neither Here Nor There * The Beastman * Coriolanus Rowland's Guide to Pokémon Husbandry
Robin Goodfellow's Christmas Carol * Snow * Stranger Than Fiction
My Trip to the End of Time, by Pearl Gideon * A Smell of Petroleum Pervades Throughout
The Thinking Man's Guide to Destroying the World * The Rocket Case * The Rocket Revival
Neither Here Nor There * The Beastman * Coriolanus Rowland's Guide to Pokémon Husbandry
Robin Goodfellow's Christmas Carol * Snow * Stranger Than Fiction
My Trip to the End of Time, by Pearl Gideon * A Smell of Petroleum Pervades Throughout
For information about A Grand Day Out, a bizarre short story in video game form, click here.
