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Here comes team Rainbow!

37,467
Posts
16
Years
  • Age 34
  • Seen Jan 2, 2024
Hi there! Cool story, but I won't be reviewing details with the plot or characters yet because there are some more basic hints I would like to give you first, to improve this :3

Firstly, make sure to use a spellchecker! There are quite a lot of spelling errors here and there, possibly just because you were a bit rushed in your writing? Also, always read through your finished chapter at least once, thoroughly, before you post it. If you do that, you might catch some strange grammatical points that you didn't think of when you first wrote them.

Secondly, you don't have to make your story text on a forum look exceptionally fancy, not at all, but you want to make it easy for the reader to read and follow the story smoothly. Spacing things out is the very first thing to think of when it comes to layout. Don't just press ENTER once, press it twice to create a blank row between paragraphs. A thumb rule is also that whenever a new person speaks or acts, you start on a new line.

For example, if I transform this:

'' So, you came.'' Said a female voice behind me. It was Hristina sitting at the door. She smiled at me and walked a little near to sit too. I asked her too why would she think I would not come. '' Well, I was just a little anxious...'' She said turning her look away. '' For what?'' She turned and looked at me with her ice eyes. Just then a little girl walked into the room yawning. She was too short, blond short hair and when I saw her eyes they were marine blue. Streching she said '' Good morning!'' She turned and took a look around. Then she stared at me and suddenly run towards me and hugged me. I was starled. '' You must be the new member!'' She said and left me. She smiled at me and introduce herself. '' I am Petra, nice to meet you.'' '' The electric master?'' I asked as I understood from her black-yellow stripepd dress. '' Of course.''
'' But isn't your name Peta?'' '' NO! It's the nickname Levi gave to me. He gives nicknames to everyone. '' She explained and then run to other side and passed the open metal doors.

into this:

''So, you came,'' said a female voice behind me.

It was Hristina sitting at the door. She smiled at me and walked a little near to sit too.

I asked her too why would she think I would not come.

"Well, I was just a little anxious...'' she said turning her look away.

"For what?''

She turned and looked at me with her ice eyes.

Just then a little girl walked into the room yawning. She was too short, blond short hair and when I saw her eyes, they were marine blue.

''Good morning!'', she said, stretching.

She turned and took a look around. Then she stared at me and suddenly run towards me and hugged me. I was startled.

'' You must be the new member!'' She said and left me. She smiled at me and introduce herself. '' I am Petra, nice to meet you.''

'' The electric master?'' I asked as I understood from her black-yellow striped dress.

'' Of course.''

'' But isn't your name Peta?''

'' NO! It's the nickname Levi gave to me. He gives nicknames to everyone. '' She explained and then run to other side and passed the open metal doors.

Hope you found this helpful. If you post a new chapter which is a bit easier on the eyes, or possibly edit your old chapters, I might come back and give a deeper review. Good luck!
 

Phantom1

[css-div="font-size: 12px; font-variant: small-cap
1,182
Posts
12
Years
Also... the title... I was thinking I was gonna start reading a story about a very very gay Team Rocket. Just sayin' bit saddened.

Anywho, aside from format issues, there are issues all around with syntax and basic grammar. Spellcheck is your friend, but so is having a beta read things over.
 
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