ummm, your SU is good but, i need more on appearance, i would like 3-4 lines in each paragraph, one on clothing, the other on appearance. personality needs to be extended more, say 2-4 more lines. and history needs more done to it, probably around 5 lines on the actual experience of going to the aether realm (at 15) and also a paragraph on either side showing events beofre and after visiting the aether realm.