Are relationships all that good?

[Yoshikko]

man you just gotta be you and be cool, and live your life.

 

[Psychic]

As others have said, it's not true that all women want a Channing Tatum. Honestly, if you look at movies and TV shows, there are way more narratives about average/below average-looking, dorky guys getting the girl. I can't think of many narratives where average/below average-looking, dorky girls get the guy (especially without first undergoing some kind of makeover). But that's another story.

Relationships are very rewarding if you find the right person and put time and effort into it. That said, relationships are not for everyone. Some people just aren't mature enough to be in a serious relationship, or have too many trust issues, or don't know how to treat their partners respectfully. Plus monogamy just isn't for everyone. Sometimes these are things you can work on and fix, and sometimes they're not.

Rule of thumb: if you're unhappy when you're single, and think the only way to be happy is to be in a relationship, then you are not ready to be in a relationship.

Disregarding the Reddit upvote-worthy opening post, relationships can be any level of good or bad for a person. Some people simply cannot handle or don't desire relationships, so they stay away from them. But that's not them necessarily saying relationships are bad, it's just that they are unhealthy for the person involved.
I tend to find that relationships (referring specifically to dating or experiences similar to it) are positive experiences for the most part. It's most likely going to fail, but the aftermath doesn't erase the happiness that was previously experienced in the relationship. They tend to be wonderful things that, if you're lucky, make you feel things you never thought possible.
I'm trying hard to remain mindful of the unfortunate people who are stuck in abusive, dismal or otherwise awful relationships (hence the ambivalence of my post), but they're not as common as those with real, loving ones.

Ultimately, I believe that relationships are mostly worthwhile experiences in one's life that shape and mould you in ways few other facets of life can.
I also believe that blaming women for not finding you attractive based on some assumed higher understanding of the female psyche is utterly pathetic and I do not care for it at all.

I pretty much love every part of this post. :D

Edit: I think what I'm trying to say here is that if you enter a relationship, it'll do more good than harm. I mean, it sucks when you break up but, you'll get over it pretty quick. Unless you've been dating for a longer period of time, then I'd imagine your take it a lot harder but, I would also imagine that you'd eventually get over that. Don't be afraid to try it out though! Relationships also help you figure out what it is you want in a person and what makes you shine in other people's eyes.

As Harley Quinn said, I think it's important to be mindful of the fact that a lot of relationships can be abusive and destructive as well. This obviously isn't the majority of relationships, but some people are just manipulative, controlling abusers, and when survivors finally do manage to get away, they may not have been able to take anything positive away from the experience.

Different people also get over break-ups at different rates. Otherwise I agree that fearing a break-up shouldn't be a reason to avoid relationships altogether.

~Psychic

 

[I'm so HM02]

I am going to take everyone's positive advice. Thanks to those who were understanding about the situation. I will take this advice seriously. :)

 

[Margaery Tyrell]

I like the idea of having a relationship, and having someone to care for and vice-versa, but I don't think that relationships are too important, or necessary for happiness whatsoever. Love yourself, and you will find that the only person you need is you. If you're unhappy being single, then you will be unhappy in a relationship. Ultimately the weak basis of the relationship will crumble, but at least then you'd hopefully gain valuable insight on both yourself and what you want in a person.

As to the Channing Tatum thing, if I may be so bold, I think that's a rather large generalization to make. Not to mention, it's not someone else's fault if they don't find you attractive in the first place. The thing is, no one is obligated to be attracted to you. And, Channing Tatum has a rather flat personality with only decent traditional looks. Not my cup of tea.

 

[morrison]

Whats a channing tatum? I ve been in a relationship for the past 8 years and got a daughter who is 2 yo.

You have lived with your family before i Assume. imagine living with people you chose to live with.

 

[Kotone]

relationships aren't for everyone. channing tatum is sooo NOT my type. i like guys who are nerdy or guys with meat on them xD i like a little chubby it's cute.
you need to stop looking for someone. someone comes into your life when you least expect it.
i met my boyfriend at work. we aren't allowed to date at work, but i think everyone liked our relationship. he is quitting though so it won't affect us anymore(:
we got together when i stopped dating for over a year. i was on my "i hate the world and people rampage."
he makes me happy. he balances me out. i need him to be happy.

 

[Alexander Nicholi]

If you're srs, and if you can communicate. Bottling shit up is the stupidest thing you can do, and thinking you're "in love" over sex is also stupid.

The fewer bad relationships you've been in, the stronger and more fully you can love. The bonds stuck by relationships are a lot like tape - their adhesion wears. The thing about that though is sometimes you'll see a couple who isn't even using the tape and it's the most beautiful thing

 

[Lycanthropy]

I don't have much experience with relationships, but the most important thing I've learned is it completely changes your life. Before I always saw it a bit exaggerated how much people could get attached to each other, but later it all seemed to make sense somehow.
I could have lived finely without knowing love, I wouldn't have missed it, because I hadn't felt it. But since I have fallen in love, I don't know if I would be able to live without it.
To answer "Are relatinships all that good?": No, they're not ALL good. It's a great feeling, but a relationship claims a lot of your spare time.

 

[Centipede Chan]

All my relationships the past year and a half have been crappy 1 day/ 1 week pieces of poop. I could go on but nah.

 

[Psychic]

The fewer bad relationships you've been in, the stronger and more fully you can love. The bonds stuck by relationships are a lot like tape - their adhesion wears. The thing about that though is sometimes you'll see a couple who isn't even using the tape and it's the most beautiful thing

Er, what? Being in a bad relationship doesn't automatically diminish your capacity to love others. Yes, sometimes being in an abusive relationship (or had an abusive family) can have really damaging, long-term effects, but it doesn't necessarily mean someone who survived abuse can't love as fully as someone who hasn't. That's a pretty terrible thing to say, especially if someone who has survived an abusive relationship reads that. Not sure what you mean by your comparison, though.

~Psychic

 

[Alexander Nicholi]

Er, what? Being in a bad relationship doesn't automatically diminish your capacity to love others. Yes, sometimes being in an abusive relationship (or had an abusive family) can have really damaging, long-term effects, but it doesn't necessarily mean someone who survived abuse can't love as fully as someone who hasn't. That's a pretty terrible thing to say, especially if someone who has survived an abusive relationship reads that. Not sure what you mean by your comparison, though.

~Psychic

The first bout of true love you experience is a lot more raw and unbounded than it is later on......

How many people approach relationships may rule that kind of love out though, at least from what I've seen. I've noticed at least in my age group a lot of people seriously have no clue what an actual relationship even is...


I think overall, past relationships add definition and bounds to your future ones. While that may save you from potential bad things it also rules out a lot of often-forgotten benefits to that innocent first love, I think.

This is just what I've experienced. The first time I actually loved someone and was accepted for that, there was such a lack of definition to things with us... and it wasn't inherently bad. It actually gave us a lot of room to do and say things so many wouldn't to someone they have a love for, at least in my opinion. That relationship did add bounds to future partners of mine, though, and that's what I'm getting at. It's both for the better and for the worse, in a strange sense.

 

[Klippy]

Relationships take a lot of work and effort. Yes, they can be "easy" and everything falls into place, but even those take some level of effort and commitment. Some people do not like that and some do. Some people enjoy always having a relationship and some enjoy being single.

I sometimes enjoy being in a relationship and sometimes do not. It depends on your emotional investment in the relationship and if you care about them. Past experiences can shape your feelings and how you react in new or current experiences, but I've always tried to keep in mind that one relationship's faults will not equate to the same faults in the next. :)

 

[greenies]

every girl in the world wants a "Channing Tatum"... It sorta drives me crazy that a guy with heart and soul can't get a girl because I ain't Channing Tatum....

No-one expects you to be Channing Tatum. Be yourself. Who are you?

Girls are different from women. Ask yourself do you want a girl or a woman?

As soon as your make yourself of value you wont have to worry about chasing women. They will come to you.

Work on self-improvement; best advice I can give.

 

[anaxeco]

I think the best relationships are ones that began as friendships. You find someone you're comfortable with, you can be yourself around, and that you genuinely love as a person and the rest is easy.

 

[Unwoken Dream]

Relationships are definitely not worth it. =|

I've learned personally that relationships are a waste of time, LITERALLY a waste of time. Just think about how much TIME we spend exerting ourselves catering to those who may or may not actually care about us? Months, years, and even decades. Hours upon hours of long strenuous endeavors to make someone " Happy " who rarely treat us in the same regard because they've deem themselves deserving to be placed above all else.

I hate to be the debbie downer of this particular topic but I've experienced relationships from an early age and things haven't progressed since I was a kid to give me any indication that'll be any different as I continue aging. I always tell myself that " People will be more considerate by this time ". . but as each year passes those exact words seem to taunt me. I'm not going to drive myself insane trying to obtain something as trivial as " Love " or companionship from the opposite sex who are most likely treating me as an liability. I ALWAYS assumed I was just doubting myself in a sense but you talk enough with people and you can EASILY detect their ulterior motives. It has NOTHING to do with " Looks " either otherwise good looking people wouldn't be dumped left and right. I know what it feels like to question yourself and maybe sometimes wish you were someone else but the truth is man it won't matter. Even if you are desired by the vast majority it'll only raise more suspicion about people's intentions.

In the end you should really ask yourself why do you want to be in a relationship? If there isn't a real logical reason behind it then I don't think you'll find them to be " Worth it ".