Can men and women really be "just friends"?

[Gardevoir the Dragon Slayer]

In a word yes.

I think it differs from person to person though and society favours a set way of behaviour and interests for men and woman, so it can be hard for stereotypical "ladish"men and "girly" women to be just friends because they have little in common.
As someone who is not a "ladish" guy I find it easier to befriend people of similar interests whatever gender they are.

 

[moon]

Speaking of which, have you notice how nobody ever asks if to homosexual people of the same gender can just be friends? It's the same thing essentially but nobody considers it.

I kinda worded my opening post the way I did to show that I considered that too :)

 

[gimmepie]

I kinda worded my opening post the way I did to show that I considered that too :)

This is why I shouldn't post if I'm tired :)

 

[Mana1]

Whilst I think it's possible for potential-sex-partners to be just friends, I don't think it is possible for everyone.

I know some people who get more sexually attracted to people the more I know them, meaning friendships lead to awkward crushes and it sometimes ends up taking the friendship downhill. It's a shame, but sometimes it just happens.

I also think its easier to be friends of the sex you're attracted when you're in a happy relationship. From my personal experience, other relationships tended to pause themselves and stop moving towards anything sexual. It actually enabled me to be more friendly to an ex without worrying.

 

[Alexander Nicholi]

Instead of taking the textbook answer like Psychic did, stating the obvious, I'm going to answer this from a more personal standpoint, as I imagine the OP intended us to.

Even with women who are gay it's kind of hard not for me to consider them, to be honest. I am a pan male myself, so anyone goes for me. I think with lesbians it's especially different because they're gay - they're not afraid of friendly intimacy at all and it can send the wrong messages to straight men. The only thing I can think of turning me off from someone and being able to be "just friends" would be me being unattracted to them, such as if I didn't really find their personality or looks anything special. There's plenty of mediocre chicks I've been able to hang out with and have conversations with without consideration. So, I guess... both yes and no? It's more complex than a simple yes or no, though, clearly.

 

[Nick]

I apologize if my reply was overly harsh or rude, however you did say (emphasis mine):

The first point was unclear, and the second seems to be at odds with what you're saying.

1) Yes, sexual and romance relate to this topic, however what I am saying is that sexual and romantic interest do not have to rule interpersonal relationships. In your first post, you said "it all depends on someone's sexuality," which implies that whether or not people can remain friends depends on sexuality. Sexuality is not a defining factor, here - it's how you deal with it that affects the relationship.

2) This post seems to be saying that a friendship cannot remain a friendship when sexual and romantic attraction come into play, which is something I disagree with.


I would also like to clarify that I am not only talking about opposite-sex relations, and that the last paragraph in my previous post was not directly aimed at you, but was rather a comment on how the discussion is being framed.

~Psychic

Yes, yes, yes, we all know we have choices to make that determine a relationship. Thank you for explaining that. But the point I'm trying to make is that there is an underlying desire for some people to be with others. The whole "Can men and women be just friends?" argument is a generalized argument for almost everyone who feels that they can't, and that's due to the dormant desire. That's the only reason this question exists. That's literally the only point I have to make regarding sex and romantic interest. I said from my first post that it depends on the person.

 

[Twilight-kun]

Absolutely

I'm friends with dozens of members of either sex and I've never seen them in a romantic light

Although there's been times when they've had romantic thoughts towards me, but it never really goes anywhere, especially after we talk about it

Although it's frustrating when you're pining after someone who's oblivious, and it's rarely mutual


In middle and high school I had a very close friend and everyone around us kept saying "You two should date" and we laughed it off

We were more like siblings

Dating close friends is almost always a bad idea and I didn't want to risk losing them

 

[Psychic]

It's exactly what you say here: biologically, we're supposed to be attracted to the opposite sex. But we can, and have to, control that in our monogamous society. At least if we are a person who feels attraction easily.

Does one really treat one's female and male friends the same way? Related thought.

All animals get biological urges of all kinds. But we as humans shouldn't let those urges define us and our relationships, or use those urges as excuses for acting irrationally. I'm also unsure as to why you're only talking about heterosexuality, as that really excludes a lot of people.

Yes, I treat my friends the same way, regardless of their gender. That is a very weird question to ask.

Instead of taking the textbook answer like Psychic did, stating the obvious, I'm going to answer this from a more personal standpoint, as I imagine the OP intended us to.

I'm sorry to hear that was your takeaway from my posts. I would suggest rereading them.

Yes, yes, yes, we all know we have choices to make that determine a relationship. Thank you for explaining that. But the point I'm trying to make is that there is an underlying desire for some people to be with others. The whole "Can men and women be just friends?" argument is a generalized argument for almost everyone who feels that they can't, and that's due to the dormant desire. That's the only reason this question exists. That's literally the only point I have to make regarding sex and romantic interest. I said from my first post that it depends on the person.

Sure, but the question is simply asking if it is possible for men and women to be friends. Obviously, it is possible for people to be "just friends," which answers the question. As has been mentioned, it is true that not all friendships can remain merely friendships, but that doesn't actually make the above statement untrue. Just because a few people don't feel they can be just friends with members of the sex they are attracted to doesn't change the answer.

But you can still feel desire for someone and remain just friends with them, such as if you are both in monogamous relationships with other people. It's true that there are people who don't realize this, and I still believe that those people have a narrow point of view and are not the kinds of people you'd want to be friends with. I am not disagreeing with you here, but I am trying to make points that I feel are being misunderstood or overlooked.

~Psychic

 

[SiriusAlpha]

Of course. There are some girls in my friend group that I'm friends with that have no romantic attraction going either way and I treat both genders generally the same. Friendship isn't based off of gender. Maybe it helps that I'm bi and my attraction is based off of mostly personality and a little bit off of appearance. My friends don't know though because I haven't had any real crushes on guys because there aren't any guys that I could be in a comfortable relationship with. If I am crushing on someone however, I treat them like a normal friend but act kind of aloof and mean around them and blush more often.

 

[Cerberus87]

Only if there's no mutual attraction.

 

[acatfrommars]

Well I do not want every woman in my life to be my girlfriend. I bevel that men and woman can become friends without developing any more of a relationship. That would be absurd in my opinion.

 

[Alexander Nicholi]

But we as humans shouldn't let those urges define us and our relationships, or use those urges as excuses for acting irrationally.

Why? What says humans are above being animals, that we should fight our instinct in favour of this... irrational conscience?

I'm sorry to hear that was your takeaway from my posts. I would suggest rereading them.

Rereading your posts ties right into my point of them being textbook-like, lol

Sure, but the question is simply asking if it is possible for men and women to be friends. Obviously, it is possible for people to be "just friends," which answers the question. As has been mentioned, it is true that not all friendships can remain merely friendships, but that doesn't actually make the above statement untrue. Just because a few people don't feel they can be just friends with members of the sex they are attracted to doesn't change the answer.

Like I said, I think you're missing the point of this thread. Formal responses with analysis and great-wide-world debate are becoming less and less welcomed due to the harsh interaction it brings, which is why threads like this are meaning for you to take it personally and just answer it in your own shoes. You're not at Harvard or anything, this is a Pokémon forum :p

It's true that there are people who don't realize this, and I still believe that those people have a narrow point of view and are not the kinds of people you'd want to be friends with. I am not disagreeing with you here, but I am trying to make points that I feel are being misunderstood or overlooked.

Why do you feel that they're misunderstood/overlooked? What justification says they ought to be brought to light? What motivates you to write these responses?

Furthermore, what justifies those others needing enlightenment from someone about the subjects?

 

[Ice1]

I have some female friends I have attraction towards, but I have some I just like as friends. I think they're pretty, funny, nice and everything, but I don't want to get anything romantically or sexually happening between us. I am very content to have platonic relationships with these girls. And I don't think I treat my female friends that differently from my male friends, even when it comes to sexual jokes, or physical contact. I think it's very possible to have a platonic relationship with the opposite sex, even when you find them to look good.

 

[Dawn]

I feel like the thread's title and the OP ask entirely different questions.

"Can men and women really be 'just friends'?"

vs

"Is there always be a risk/possibility of being sexually attracted to someone of the sex you are attracted to?"

I'm going to answer the second question, because I feel like a lot of other people have answered the title and have mirrored my feelings that it's a bit silly to question whether it's even possible for a man and a woman to be friends.

We know that homosexuality isn't a choice, right? Can we reasonably say then that heterosexuality and asexuality aren't choices either? I feel like that's a reasonable assumption to make. We Also know that men can't control when they're, ahem, aroused.

Taking what we know and applying it to the situation, I think it would be fair to assume that people generally don't choose who and what they're attracted to in general. Therefore, since it is not within our control, the answer would be yes; we are always 'at risk' of developing feelings towards others, especially of the sex we're already attracted to. One's tastes can change over time. Not even sexuality is absolutely set in stone.

Those are my thoughts.

Does one really treat one's female and male friends the same way? Related thought.

I think there are two ways to look at it.

You can take humanity out-of-context and say that yeah, we kinda treat each other more or less the same way in the grand scheme of things.

Or you can look at it through the context of the males and females themselves and say that no, we actually kinda don't when you think about it. I prefer the latter viewpoint, because I feel like the context is very important for the purposes of obtaining a relevant answer.

A person could treat men and women the same, but in practice I feel like that's kinda hard to do without putting a lot of effort in. At the end of the day hormones are very powerful things and the existence of heterosexuality and homosexuality are pretty good examples of people not treating men and women the same. Our hormones have a fairly strong effect on the way we think and feel, which is incidentally why I find the pill terrifying, so there's a real chemical difference up in our heads. Men and women, much like different races, also have very different histories that shouldn't be forgotten.

So no, I don't feel like we treat men and women the same. Even when they're our friends, there are differences that are only subtle when you remove context. There are a lot of situations in which we do and a lot of situations in which we should, but there are also a lot of situations in which we don't. In my honest opinion that's perfectly fine. Equality is a great ideal, but it's not a reality and in some cases treating everyone the same would mean ignoring reality.