Chronicles of the Dragon Tamer

[DonRoyale]

The synopsis attached to the story:

Follow the journey of Grinder, an aspiring Pokemon trainer who's burdened by an overbearing albeit legendary family. Meeting tons of rivals along the way, Grinder hopes to become a strong trainer. Can he do it? Only one way to find out, and that's to R&R. (Note: R&R = Read & Review.)

I was contemplating whether I should link you to the story. Then I updated 4 times in 5 days. Yup, this gets a link.

EDIT: Thank you for pointing that out, kcander. Here is Chapter 1:


The Chronicles Of The Dragon Tamer
Disclaimer: Don't own Pokemon, never will.
Now, I'm not the biggest expert on Pokemon, and I'm definitely not the best writer out there. I try, though-my plots are always good D
So, without further ado, I give you the Chronicles of the Dragon Tamer!
--
Chapter 1-The Journey

My name is Grinder. I'm the nephew of the legendary Dragon Pokemon trainer, Lance, and son of the Blackthorn Gym Leader, Clair. Yeah, big shoes to fill.

Our family is known for its strict rules and regulations-and I'm uninterested in following them. My ambition was always to be a successful Trainer who would grow close to his Pokemon, and raise them to be strong, caring creatures. However, my family had different ideas. They wanted me to carry on the family reputation by succeeding either Lance or Clair, judging by my skill.

However, my lack of interest in the family's obsession over dragons detached me from my possessive and controlling grandfather, who was the head of the family. My mother and uncle both wanted me to be happy doing what I wanted, and even told him right to his face that I should be free to pursue my own life, but Grandfather INSISTED I be more than just 'a petty trainer'.

But enough about my controlling grandfather. More about me. I'm a pretty smart kid for 12-I had knowledge about pretty much every Pokemon I had interest in. My favorite was ironically Dragonite, but despite that, I had little interest raising pure Dragons. Training one type of Pokemon, despite my grandfather's opinions, makes you a very closed-minded Trainer. You're free to your favorite type, but having just one type, despite the fact that you're dedicated to your favorite type, makes it very hard to be a successful trainer.

I wanted to train other Pokemon as well, but my grandfather wouldn't let me. However, my mother and I brought Lance over to
finally attempt to convince my grandfather to let me be my own man.

"How many times will I have to tell you? Grinder will be a dragon raiser, and succeed you. He can't be bothered with things such as training and badges…"

"Look, father…" Clair said. "If you aren't going to let your grandson live HIS life instead of YOURS, then I will regrettably be forced to withdraw from my position as Blackthorn's Gym Leader."

"And I will withdraw from the Pokemon League." Lance added.

"Ugh…You two are so determined to let him be a trainer? Fine. I'll give him a chance."

"Thank you, father. That wasn't so hard, now was-"

"BUT! He will have a mission. You see, we recently came across a new Dratini. Grinder will go on a training journey in Kanto, but will be forced to take this Dratini with him and raise it to a Dragonite by the time his journey is over."

"That's fine." I said. "I'll do it."

"Very well. If you can prove you have what it takes to raise Dragons, then I will allow you to become a full-fledged Trainer."

"Thank you, grandfather." I said.

My grandfather groaned. "I have a feeling I'm going to regret this…"

I was then given the Dratini. It looked nice enough.

"This is Drake. He'll be accompanying you on your journey. If you can raise him to a Dragonite by the time you reach the Pokemon League, I will recognize you as a Trainer, and let you pursue that if that is what you truly wish…"

"I will, trust me." I then returned Drake to its Poke Ball.

"Hey, Grinder…" Lance said. "I'm leaving back to Kanto tomorrow. You'll be coming with me, is that OK?"

"Sure. Thanks, Uncle Lance." I said.

Now, one of my hobbies is exploring the wilderness south of Blackthorn. The mountainous rock formations made for wonderful sunsets, and even better sunrises from Mt. Silver.

However, I suddenly heard a sound. I looked around to make sure nobody was there, and slowly moved backwards to head back to my house, fearing that I was being watched by the wild Pokemon in the area.

However, as I stepped back, I backed into something. Turning around, my heart jumped as I realized I backed into a Skarmory. The bird then spread its wings, screeching.

It began advancing toward me, but as it did, something came from behind me and smacked the bird in the head, causing it to become dizzy.

As I looked back, I saw a strange silver Graveler running towards us. As I prepared for it to attack me by taking a defensive pose, the Graveler picked up another loose rock and chucked it at the Skarmory. Once it reached maximum speed, the Graveler curled up into a ball and continued its charge, slamming its full body into the Skarmory, sending it flying. The bird fled.

Panting, I said, "Wow, thank you…" I then took greater notice of the fact that the Graveler was silver. "You're not like other Graveler, are you?"

The Graveler shook its head. It then pointed towards Blackthorn.

"Oh, yeah, Blackthorn, that's where I live."

The Graveler then came closer and made a gesture towards the city. It wanted to escort me home. I accepted the creature's hospitality and walked home with it.

"Oh, my God, Grinder, you're all right!" Clair exclaimed. "I heard a screech…are you OK?"

"Yeah, this Graveler here helped me…" I then gestured to the creature. It humbly scratched its head in response.

"A silver Graveler? Wow, I've never seen that before…" Clair said.

"Me neither…this one's quite unique…" I said.

Upon saying this, the Graveler looked down, ashamed.

"Hmm…" I said, trying to ponder the Graveler's situation. "You poor thing…you must not be accepted for your difference, are you?"

The Graveler sadly nodded.

"Well, you saved my son. We accept you. How can I possibly repay you for your kindness?" Clair asked.

The Graveler put its arm around my shoulder.

"You want to stay with us?" she asked.

The Graveler nodded.

"Well, here. I'll give you a Poke Ball to stay in." Clair took out a spare Poke Ball, and the Graveler jumped into it.

Clair looked around. "Grinder…I'll tell you what. I need to hide this for now, but when I can, I'll get this to you when you're on your journey, OK?"

"Thanks, mom. I won't tell Grandfather about this." I said.

"No problem, son. For now, though, you need some rest. You have a big journey ahead of you, and you want to be prepared."
I then went back home and prepped for my journey. I was anxious to leave, but my mother and uncle both told me that if I was passionate about my work, that I'd be successful.

I then went to bed shortly after, anxiously awaiting for tomorrow…

-----------------------------------------

If you're going to submit a review of the story, I ask that the review be to the story itself (at the bottom of the page of each chapter, you'll find a "submit review" button. You don't have to be registered at FanFiction.net to submit a review, but your PC username would be best, so I could find out who's been reading. Thanks!)

I'll bump this thread each time a new chapter is posted.
Your reviews (priority being the linked version as opposed to here) are greatly appreciated.

Thanks!
~The Don.

 

[Buoysel]

Did you read the rules?

They say

The only space where a forum link may be posted in is your signature. The only time a forum may be linked to otherwise be when it is providing an example of ideas we can use for the community. Members who join and send forum links over the private message system will be immediately banned on the notion of joining on the intention of SPAM of forum links. The community additionally prohibits unsolicited advertising of forums and websites. (It is left to the discretion of moderators to decide whether a post is advertising or not.)

If you want to avoid being banned, copy and post your chapters in this forum.

You may not get a review until you do so.

 

[DonRoyale]

Thank you for pointing that out, and I apologize for that; I was unaware of that when I read the rules to this forum. It won't happen again.

I updated with the first chapter. The rest is in the link, which is in my signature.

 

[Buoysel]

If you're going to submit a review of the story, I ask that the review be to the story itself (at the bottom of the page of each chapter, you'll find a "submit review" button. You don't have to be registered at FanFiction.net to submit a review, but your PC username would be best, so I could find out who's been reading. Thanks!)

Hey Don,

I relay don't want to post my "review" on another forum. So I am going to post it here. Other Readers might find it annoying to have to go to another forum to post a review, as I do.
-----------------

No spelling or grammar, that I noticed.

Your story lack description and emotion. Emotion is kind of under description in general, so it doesn't count.

Is this some kind of memory recall, is the boy telling someone what happened, or this happing as the story is read? This becomes an issue when we move into the conversation. I got lost at first, went back and read it again, and it made more since. I shouldn't have to read it twice to understand it.

Which brings me to my second point; transitions, you don't have any , I take that back, you have one and a half.

The half first, because it is first in the story.

You said that one of your hobbies is to explore the wilderness. In order to make this scene flow better, perhaps you should make the intro to the scene better. You don't have description, which is killing you, and you are just suddenly there.

My suggestion:

Use a scene change like this "------------","*****", or"~~~~~". Something to show that the scene has changed, this is usually works when there is a dramatic scene change, such as the one when you're at home but then your south of the Blackthorn.
Also, make the description flow in the story.
Here is my suggestion for the wild Pokémon scene:
Include this in your description:
Time of day
Your thoughts feelings
What you felt was the bird cold, hot, hard, ect?
My question, where is Drake, and why didn't you use him? (Also Drake is a cliché name for a dragon.)
The second transition comes when you and Graveler walk home. IMO this is a grate transition.

The Graveler then came closer and made a gesture towards the city. It wanted to escort me home. I accepted the creature's hospitality and walked home with it.

Emotion wise, what were you thinking as you were having the argument of your life with your grandfather, where you on the brink of crying, where you angry, what where your feelings.
Putting your thoughts in here helps with emotions.
Something goes with your encounter with the wild Pokémon, where you scared? Yes you were. You said that your heart jumped. But you still need more; again your thoughts would help here. "I'm goanna die." Is always a good start, but ad your own to it to make this story stick out from the rest.

If you are having a hard time with this, go in to the forum and read the highly rated stories. Pay close attention to how they are written, how the description flows with the story.
Don't worry, you'll get it. My first attempt at a fan fic stunk, badly. But with the help of theirs, I am improving (although my last chapter does not show it). It takes time, dedication and practice.

 

[DonRoyale]

I actually improved as the story went on...because I was being told my placid "It took me an hour to do this, then I did this and that, the end" approach was boring, which I was oblivious to, really.

After that, I tried to put more flavor behind it...

It's managed about 1100 views and 13 signed reviews now, so I have to be doing SOMETHING right...:S

But I'm always keen to pick up pointers. I know I'm not perfect, and for SURE, I need some help with my writing style, so I try to better myself as I get constructive criticism from my readers. A review like yours is what I usually aim for; trying to get better for the future.

Thank you. I'll keep those tips in mind as I continue writing the story.

 

[i like hackz]

how can thunder wave knock out a pokemon? I thought it only paralyzed.
And Thunder Wave knocking out a rock pokemon is also very weird

 

[Buoysel]

how can thunder wave knock out a pokemon? I thought it only paralyzed.
And Thunder Wave knocking out a rock pokemon is also very weird

I have no idea what your talking about, um Graveler used rollout not thunderwave.

 

[Astinus]

If you're going to submit a review of the story, I ask that the review be to the story itself (at the bottom of the page of each chapter, you'll find a "submit review" button. You don't have to be registered at FanFiction.net to submit a review, but your PC username would be best, so I could find out who's been reading. Thanks!)

I'll bump this thread each time a new chapter is posted.
Your reviews (priority being the linked version as opposed to here) are greatly appreciated.

Thanks!
~The Don.

No. Just...no.

You can't "bump the thread when a new chapter is posted". I would assume that that would mean you aren't planning on posting anymore chapters over here at PC, but that you would just say "I has new chapter!" in a new post here. Well, that is also against the fanfiction forum rules. No bumping threads unless it's for a chapter.

If you want to get reviews from people over here on PC, you post on PC. You don't tell them to go to another site to review there. Don't make it difficult on your readers to review your story.

All you have to do is copy/paste your story to here. Your readers, if things remain this way, have to go to another site (that has exceptionally annoying ads popping up), force them to learn another way to leave a review, and tell you who they are. If they reviewed on PC, you would know who they are, and it would be easy for them.

Other people do it. They post their story on other sites than just here. So, why not do the same?

 

[DonRoyale]

Astinus: That's fine, then. I'll post here; I don't mind.

i like hacks: Going by anime physics here (but doing my best not to make them too "wtf anime physics"). Thunder Wave in the game does nothing but paralyze, but I needed to give Dratini an attack other than Wrap, so I gave it the anime physics. Don't worry; Drake doesn't have it for all that long, really...