[COMPLETE] Let's Play Pokemon Snakewood! (HD Remix)

[Rainbow Chara X]

We're going to dive straight into the heart of this game's stupidity. Get your popcorn and your drinks, folks, this is going to be a big one!

Chapter 28 - A Comedy of Errors​

Spoiler:

Thanks to the power of

Religion

, we're suddenly in Sootopolis. It only goes downhill from here, folks.

Apparently this Pokecenter is like the rebel base against Senex or something. Let's pay them a visit.

"Please, come over to the table. The meeting is about to start."

Dr. Blackthorn: "Just wait a little while."

I'm not even sure if things can be explained properly at this point, but what the hell. I like giving second chances.

[Theme I would use for the board meeting: Ranger Base]

???: "Firstly, I would like to welcome Jack and his Pokemon to our Hideout. I understand you have come far and have thwarted our enemies at many points during your journey."

: ("Damn right. So should we introduce ourselves? I mean, we're just as important as Jack.")

: ("Of course. My name is Bellamine - I'm directly responsible for making sure Jack is safe.")

: ("My name is Jeanne. I'd rather you not witness what a Flamethrower from me can do to you, should you ever get on my bad side.")

; ("I-I'm Ambes. Nice to meet all of you. Jack saved me and my siblings from the zombies.")

: ("Ballin's the name. I help Jack surf across our nearly seventy percent water-covered region.")

: ("I'm new to the crew, but me and Jack have met before. I'm Gauss. Nice to meet y'all.")

: ("I beat things up. You can just call me Valor.")

???: "Why are you applauding that? ... Never mind. Jack, let me introduce you to the members of... the Resistance."

Maybe they're applauding because they're being appreciative of Jack and the Crew helping so often? How they're the cornerstone of all your efforts in a sense?

Granted, you sort of had to assume there was such a thing given how Birch kept giving us suspiciously convenient information.

???: "Indeed. Now, members of the Resistance, please introduce yourselves for the benefit of Jack here."

Might as well make this a roll call of what each person represents to me towards Snakewood itself.

--

Birch has been fine with us risking our life and had the gall to say we're not doing so well at a time when we needed serious moral support. "Way to be a dick, Prof." is the best way I can describe him.

We've been helping his miserable ass the entire game and he doesn't even have an inkling of gratitude for what we do.

Woman next to Birch: "I'm Ms. Lucretia Borgia, the CEO of the Pokemart Company."

Never heard of you.

: "I'm Chloe, former head of the Inquisition, and now forced into attending this stupid meeting. You already know me."

The Inquisition was disappointing. It looked like they were going to build up into something impressive, but they sort of died out when we beat Chloe. Before even that, they lost relevance when the focus shifted to the Deadly Seven.

: "I am Veracity, the Gym Leader of Fortree City, and I am eternally in your debt."

Veracity was cool, though. The Film University was arguably the best setpiece in the entire game and the moment where we had to deal with his sister (infamous Jabberwocky line excluded) was probably one of the most emotional moments aside from dealing with Zombie Norman.

: "My name is Haruhara Haruko, 1st Class Space Patrol Officer and Gym Leader of Dewford Town."

Haruko only exists in this game because Cutlerine was a weeb. Her only saving grace in Snakewood was giving us the Yellow Vespa.

: "We have already met, young one. You aided me in my fight against the demon of the desert."

: "Ah, yes, about that..."

Izumii and the Monks were pretty cool. Granted, their introduction into Hoenn made absolutely no sense but they had nice designs. Izumii gets points for trying to fend off an Aerodactyl without using any Pokemon.

: "I saw you back in the Champion's room, Jack. My name is Steven Stone, former Champion before your brother beat me."

Steven sort of summarizes everything wrong when it comes to how Cutlerine handled the Pokemon aspect of Snakewood. The Pokemon aspect was shafted more in favor towards the random references to other things and crazy junk like the Deadly Seven; it feels tackled on after a while, as if Cutlerine had to keep it in so it could qualify as a Pokemon rom hack.

It doesn't help that many characters from the actual game get eaten/killed offscreen even when it doesn't make sense, like the rest of the Elite Four and the Gym Leaders.

Now we're at the point where Snakewood has introduced Christianity as a plot point and Rayquaza being shot down over a real life water channel.

A damn rock: "I am Lord Unbone, the famously insane fisherman who lives inside of a rock! We may have met before, I can't remember!"

... Unbone... Oh my god this dude is responsible for creating Hombone! I would have Ballin drown him, but there's too many people around for that.

: "And I am Meteor, the Dragon King, whom you know of old. Like Veracity, I owe you a debt that cannot be repaid."

Meteor was another cool character. I mean, he shares the same sprite as the rest of his species, but the dragons were some of the nicest people in the entire game.

Of course, the people that have eternal gratitude to Jack are the only few decent people in the game.

"We were expecting Esau, the Gym Leader of Pacifidlog Town, to be here, but for some reason hasn't turned up."

[Jack shivers while Birch's eyes widen a bit]

Grendel: "Anyway, since we are all now acquainted, let us get down to business. You know why we're here: to break Senex's foul grip on our land. Unfortunately, there are only four of us who have any chance of doing so: Mr. Stone, Sage Izumii, His Majesty Meteor, and Jack. They are the only ones who have the raw power to combat Senex directly."

And of course, being the Main Characters, Jack and the Crew are the ones who have to do all of the heavy lifting.

: "I hate to admit it, but Veracity is right. You are more powerful than me, Jack."

... But I thought Grendel was the one talking?

[Valor gives Jack his shades, to which Jack crosses his arms with a defiant expression]

"Why don't we four just go in and kick some ass - I mean get Senex?"

: "Because we need a plan of action. Chloe was persuaded to use her Taoist powers to find out how many zombies are in the Necropolis - and there are literally thousands. Go in there unprepared and you will die, simple as that."

: "Good enough reason, I assume..."

Grendel: "Exactly. Recently, however, one of our scouts was able to acquire this."

Ms. Borgia: "Is that what I think it is -?"

I had to resist editing her name to be Boregia. Be glad.

Grendel: "Yes, this is a floor plan of Senex's Necropolis."

[All gasp]

Grendel: "You may well be surprised - it was damn hard to get a hold of. But if you look here, you'll see that the main hall leads to THIS point here, which..."

[Fade to black transition]

I'm grateful for this transition taking up less of my time.

: "So it's settled, then. You four will enter via the back entrance, since the front is too heavily guarded."

: "Once there, I shall continue up the stairs and clear out the zombies in the rear guard post, then slay Temulence in his lair directly above."

: "Meanwhile, I'll head for the centre of the cave and trigger a few Earthquakes with my Pokemon, collapsing the main hall and trapping the enemy forces within the Necropolis, where I can deal with them at my leisure."

: "At the same time, I shall travel to the third floor, where I shall duel Gleis. I believe my powers shall be sufficient to match his."

: ("I... somehow doubt that. I dealt with Gleis's power directly and it felt more vile than anything a normal human is capable of.")

"Meanwhile I'm... er... I'm sorry, I wasn't listening."

Dr. Blackthorn: "You're going to investigate that large room on the second floor, Jack. The one marked "Incarceration Chamber" on the map. Presumably there will be prisoners there, and you shall rescue them."

: "Right! Yeah, I knew that! Investigate the Incarceration Chamber. Easy."

Jack, if this were any other situation, I would be laughing and throwing up the

smiley. Now's not the time to mess around.

Though you got to admit. The shades make him look like he's being snide as hell.

Grendel: "Yes, quite. Anyway, after that, you will reconvene as soon as possible. Senex will know about your presence in the Necropolis as soon as Steven starts blasting, you can be certain of that. It will take all of your combined strength to bring him down."

The hype is tangible.

: "And don't forget: If you find Champion Landon or May, you have to get them both out of there immediately! They are both extremely important!"

: "Yeah, we get it. Tell us something we don't know, Prof."

[Jack cracks a sly grin]

Grendel: "Yes, yes. Birch is correct. Alright! Resistance Members, are we all clear on our plan?"

Grendel: "Then let's move out!"

[Fade to black transition]

Jack isn't even facing him.

Dr. Blackthorn: "No. I am afraid I am but a guide character, destined never to actually perform the action sequences myself. I cannot join you in the battle ahead, Jack."

: "I see... Well... Thanks."

Dr. Blackthorn: "There is no need. It is my job. Good luck, Jack, I hope we meet again, in happier times."

Dr. Blackthorn was pretty much the Deus Ex Machina doctor. He exists only to help us from stupidly impossible situations, which is all fine and good.

"This the final segment of the game, and things are going to get TOUGH! Harder puzzles, harder enemies. If you've got any preparations to make, make 'em now. because there won't be a chance later! When you and I are ready to go, just steer me over to Grendel and press 'A', and we'll be off."

[Bellamine slaps away the force that was possessing Jack]

: "What the hell was that?! Those words... Where the hell did they come from?"

: ("I really don't like how this Cutlerine fellow keeps possessing you.")

Alright, with that warning in mind, let me just say this:

The game has already been tough ever since the Elite Four. Don't give me crap about the puzzles being tougher either: The Madio Caves and the Inquisition Base are prime examples of the game always SuperTroll design.

Other than that, this is the one time where heeding the warning would probably be a good thing. See, while you can't fly back to the Sootopolis Pokecenter, you can return by touching Cassidy Rock again.

Then again, even if you somehow manage to make it this deep into this game, there's no amount of grinding that can possibly save you.

: "You can make the Glass of God?"

Sasakura: "No, that's my brother, Ryu."

Yes, the game actually offers you a chance to get drunk before the final battle. I actually did the challenge offscreen - there's no good reward or funny interaction. Not only that, I seriously don't think Jack would go into the battle with Senex while he's completely boozed out.

Although, imagine how that confrontation would go.

: ("Finally, some common sense.")

"Meteor says he'll fly you to the secret entrance we discovered to the Necropolis."

: "Let's slam jam."

Grendel: "Godspeed, Jack. I wish you the very best of luck. Meteor's just coming."

[Fade to black transition - offscreen Jack returned Valor's shades]

[A reminder - the theme I would use for the Necropolis: The Dominion of Hate]

We're finally here. Get ready, guys.

(I'll admit, we're at the part of the game where the game is going to get stupid. But you can't say the theme I picked doesn't fit for where we are.)

: "I'm fine."

: "Very well, then. Steven and Izumii are just here."

"Let's get moving."

[Izumii and Steven walk ahead]

: "Come, Jack."

: "Guys, I get it."

[The three of them walk inside]

But before we follow them...

Hey, would you look at that. 9 out of 50.

... This is the same room where we were imprisoned by Gleis.

"The Battle Zombie looks from you to his stumps and back again, and says nothing."

Best part about it? If you didn't somehow beat him before, he would have challenged you again. I presume you would have been sent back to Pacifidlog thanks to lazy programming, so that's always good (ugh).

"According to our information, the passage to the main base has a narrow entrance, but is wide enough for three to walk abreast."

: "Those words sound familiar..."

I swear to god if that's some sort of reference.

: "Really? Can't think why. Come on, then. You go first, and we'll follow."

"We'll go check to see if it's safe before we make you go."

Is that... basic human decency?!

Well, I'm impressed.

"You could only fit one or two people here. Huh. Remind me never to trust J.R.R Tolkien ever again. Anyway, where is everyone? ... They must have gone on ahead, to carry out their tasks. I guess that just leaves us. Okay, let's do this! To the Incarceration Chamber!"

Let's just keep going forward.

"This is the pit that leads down to the North Passages, where the Incarceration Chamber is... You should go down."

If you answer "no", the game goes "Oh, okay, it's not like the fate of the entire nation rests on you going down there. It's cool."

Gotta love video game gaslighting.

The only reason this puzzle even exists is to make this maze more confusing than it actually is. Since multiple screenshots of me hopping around the place won't be entertaining, I'll only get to the most important parts.

This is the place where you can encounter wild Moulder and Graveill. Appropriate, considering this is the zombie lair.

Believe it or not, talking to Rhydon here is vital to proceeding!

Don't be confused - it just cut to another part of the room we're already in. Talking to Rhydon opened up the small path to the center there.

Offscreen: A disproportionate amount of time used up on the damn jumping puzzle surrounding this place.

"They've been... frozen in carbonite?! Is this for real?!"

Wow, there are not enough

in the world to describe this.

: "I guess it must be. Fine, I'll push the concealed switches one by one."

Might as well skip to the end.

: "ALERT! ALERT! UNAUTHORIZED MOVEMENT OF PRISONERS! ALERT!"

: "Damn it, someone must have noticed! I have to rescue those hostages, quick!"

[Jack jumps down the hole]

You know, since we're here we might as well free them.

: "... Never heard of you."

Trick Master: "Eh? Really? But I'm famous... Well, thanks for freeing me - Senex locked me up because I was so tricky I threatened his reign of terror! I must go now, and train in the mountains to become yet more tricksome."

: "... Whatever."


[The Trick Master disappears]

: "Well, that was weird... then again, everyone is."

Yep, that's pretty much this game in a nutshell. I have no idea how the Trick Master can threaten Senex considering there's a super trick maze coming up... I'm serious.

"Eh, who cares?"

Excuse you

His Gen 6 counterpart would love to disagree with you. Well, enough messing around, let's see the important ones.

: "It's me, Jack. The one and only."

: "But you... you... you look so bland!"

: "That's it? No, 'Hi, May, I'm glad you're okay?' Just a comment on how I look?"

She has a point.

: "Uh--"

: "Well, let me tell you something! You showed up and stole all the hero overworlds from Landon and I, and the Cutlerine can't spare any other ones to reinsert our custom ones! So it's YOUR fault we look like this, Jack!"

Seriously, you couldn't spare the effort to make Landon and May actually look like themselves? Whatever.

: "Ah... sorry?"

: "Apology accepted. Now free Landon."

: "Landon!"

: "Jack..? Oh my god, it's you! How did you get - Whoa. You freed us? You've gotten so strong..."


I'm seriously wondering what kind of Pokemon Jack had before he had the Crew. You know, aside from Gauss.

: "Hate to break this up, guys, but Landon we need to clear off. We're pretty weak right now and can't help in a fight."

: "Uh, yeah... Jack, I'll speak to you later okay? May and I will just go - go to the Resistance Headquarters..."

[Landon and May leave in a fade to black transition]

"Never mind, I can do that later. Right now, I need to meet up with the others and take down that necromancer!"

Cool. Let's hurry up and --

(

)

What the hell? Why'd the screen darken?

: ("Jack... Ambes...")

: "Huh?"

[The figure of a pale Raichu materializes in front of Jack]

[Theme I would use for this scene: Sad Story]

: ("Hi, Ambes. It's me... Big Sis.")

: ("I-Ivory?! You're a ghost?!")

: ("You had an older sister?")

: "I'm surprised. I thought you were the oldest."

: ("No... Ivory was always the oldest. Just... I didn't expect to see her here!")

: ("Ambes... You've grown so strong. I'm so proud of you, especially since you and Jack have been taking care of Shine and Spark in my absence. I don't have long in this world before I pass on...")

: ("But there's something I just have to say before I go. The journey you're on...")

[Loud thunder SFX - imagine the screen shaking as if it were hit by an Earthquake]

: ("IS BEYOND ****ING STUPID!")

[Theme that replaces the previous song: NGAHHH!!]

: ("S-sis?!")

: "Whoa!" [Jack is thrown back by her presence]

: ("S-scary, man..")

: ("I think I like her already.")

: ("... Same.")

: ("Heh.")

: ("I've been watching you guys fight, and I've just been sitting here like... 'how are they stomaching the obvious idiocy right in front of them?!' If I were still alive, I would have popped a blood vessel by now! Like it's goddamn infuriating!")

: ("B-but sis, we've worked so hard...")

: ("Huh? No, no, I don't mean you guys. You've all been excellent, even if Jack has shown to be an absolute idiot at times.")

: "Hey!"

: ("What I'm talking about are things like the Horsemen, the Deadly Seven, and all of that insanity. There were points where I straight up wanted to beat them into a pulp worse than you guys did, just from how awful it all was. Since you're going into the heart of all this madness, I may as well accompany you on the final stretch!")

: ("I mean, I can't really fight like you guys can... but I suppose you need the emotional support.")

: ("That'd... that'd be great, sis! I'd be happy to have you around after all of this time!")

: ("Awww. You're still a precious baby, Ambes. You don't have any objections to me coming along, Jacky?")

: "... Eugh. You can come, just don't call me that again."

: ("She seems very responsible.")

[BGM silences]

: ("Oh, she is! Ivory was always the one that took care of us back when we were younger.")

: ("Although... It just hit me now. How... when did you die?")

[Sad Story replays]

: ("... It was when I tried to protect our younger siblings. The last thing I saw was this strange purple-haired human wearing black and white clothes.")

: ("What!? So he...")

[Ambes's body sparks with electricity as he clenches his paws]

: ("Gleis...! I'll make him pay! I'll... I'll...!")

[He drops to his knees and cries.]

: ("Damn it, I should have been there for you!")

: ("Stop that. It honestly doesn't matter anymore. What happened... happened. If this Gleis was the one who killed me, I don't want you to waste your life hunting him down in revenge. Just be glad you and our family is alive!")

: ("But... but you're dead... look at how much he's hurt us and everyone else! He's Senex's right hand man - he deserves to pay!")

: ("I'm well aware of that. But I don't want to see you lose yourself because of someone like that. You're too good for that kind of nonsense.")

: ("She's got a point. Take it from me, little buddy... back down while you still can. I've been down that road before, and I'm lucky to still be alive.")

[Ambes pauses for a second. He looks at the others and takes a deep breath]

: ("You're right. I'm not a pacifist, but I can't stoop down to his level by holding a grudge like that. If anything that's what he wants. If we're fighting them, we have to do it together.")

: ("Let's go!")

: ("That's the spirit!")

: ("We're with you all the way.")

Sorry, I had to throw that in. Ivory will be helping me riff the game from now on.

"Prisoners have been released without due caution and authorization. All available Elite Guards to the Northern Passages to prevent their escape!"

: "Ah, crap! Distracting all of the zombies is Steven's job, not mine! Time to fight, I guess - if I can get out of this maze..."

How reliably do you expect one man to distract so many zombies? Just sayin'.

One annoying maze later, we come across our first enemy trainers in the Necropolis.

What the hell, they have country accents?!

Oh jesus. That's gruesome.

I can't be the only person that thinks this trainer class is beyond creepy. The fact they look like older Jacks doesn't help a bit. They're the "Elite Guards" that the alarm mentioned and possess some brand new zombie Pokemon.

Such as this uber-badass right here. Shinigami are probably one of the coolest Pokemon in the entire game, bar none. They're ghostly Gallades (that are still

/

despite being ghosts) and their color palette is amazing. Too bad they're unobtainable without cheats, otherwise I would totally have one.

They're pretty strong by virtue of being Gallade.

[The Shinigami's eyes widen as he notices Bellamine enter the battle.]

: ("Hey, babe. You're just my type - your charms are super-effective on my cold dead heart. Maybe we could arrange your funeral gown once we fix the whole 'living' thing?")

: ("Oh brother, is this guy for real?")

: ("I'm sorry, I don't associate with desperate men.")

: ("What!?")

: ("Oh, come on! You're the first actual Gardevoir I've seen since I died! I thought those pick-up lines would work, too..")

: ("... If you don't see anything wrong with the 'funeral gown' bit then I don't know what to tell you. Either way, you haven't tried looking around for someone more your league?")

: ("Please. You know how lonely it is being in this place, surrounded by only zombies, Senex and some weird redneck guys? It's torture.")

: ("Well, I'm sorry - of course I wouldn't know. In fact, I do see myself going out with you... ")

I just want you guys to picture Jack and the Headslinger guy to be looking at this conversation with confused glances.

: ("If I had no taste.")

: ("God damn, that's cold... Okay, you got me this time!")

: ("My name is Nero, by the wa--!")

[Nero's figure vanishes as his health drops to zero]

: ("Maybe I was a bit harsh on him?")

: ("... Eh, not at all. Let's keep going, Jack.")

: [Dies laughing]

Nice text wrapping technique there, Cutlerine. The ball itself isn't even that special - it's a Safari Ball with a "scary" name.

Remember how these guys were a pain? They still kind of are.

This is a new reason. Perish Song.

While it's easy to switch out and negate the effects, it's harrowing for me.

Valor's Shadow Swipe makes quick work of them, considering they're still Psychic type. I don't know why they don't just nuke him - he is part Fighting type, after all...

Not that I'm complaining - god no.

Okay, seriously. Why are the Headslingers cowboys?

It's almost as if they're... gunslingers... but with severed heads. Wow, I can't believe even that turned dumb.

Wow, that's actually... that's actually ingenious. I'm surprised Cutlerine picked now to bring in the really cool ideas, cause imagine if this was obtainable. Since they're

/

, you'd think I'd be intimidated by this and throw in someone else.

Nope. That's what Calm Mind is for. See, Stitcher tries to be scary and throw you all of the big Special Attacks... that Bellamine can already shrug off.

Now imagine stacking 5 Calm Minds.

[Bellamine used Psychic!]

She freaking vaporizes the thing. Despite having a Psychic resistance, it still took only two of those Uber Psychics to kill the Stitcher.

: ("I don't even have to say anything to this. I'm pretty sure it demonstrates itself.")

I hate the puzzle not because it's hard but because it just wastes time being forced to jump into the right direction.

Not pictured: Handgun.

Also wow, that's a blatant reference. You may as well call him Dirty Harry instead.

Of course there had to be another shoe-horned in reference to Gurren Lagann. Antispiral here is pretty much an evil version of Zangol, but is still a

type. There's a reason why I don't usually put up Valor to Psychic types.

OH MY GOD, THAT WAS SO CLOSE.

See, what Antispiral just tried to do was hack Bellamine's head off with Guillotine. I'm intensely grateful towards the Random Number God for not letting that happen.

... But do you want to know something? Jeanne got hit by it in practice. Considering this guy's trainer is a Headslinger, that would have turned a valuable member of the Crew into a morbid trophy for Senex. Like... euuugh.

It's one things when the references don't make sense, but why now of all times?

[The screen shakes]

"I wonder how he and the others are doing."

[The screen pans to the left]

"Hello, there. This is the Cutlerine, finishing off the fourth wall. The poor thing's taken quite a battering, so I'll put it out of its misery and just talk to you directly for now. Jack doesn't know it, but your friends are running into a few complications. In fact, I think I'll show you..."

What.

Oh my god, I think I'm gonna lose it.

"But you can't defeat the destroyer of worlds!"

: "Wha--?"


[Meteor vanishes]

... What even happened. I don't even think it's in character for Temulence to kick Meteor's ass.

"But Meteor wasn't the only one in trouble. Steven was slowly being worn down by the endless waves of Headslingers and Battle Zombies."

See what I said like a few screenshots ago? Still, give him credit for surviving. Being an actual character from the games is like wearing a bulls-eye around your head here.

"Even the powerful Sage Izumii, who had bravely fought off the Aerodactyl in the desert for so long, found that he had sorely underestimated the strength of his opponent..."

In hindsight, being held up by a Pokemon that wasn't even

or

type showed just how horribly mismatched he was.

: "Ku! I am not yet defeated!"

: "Yes, you are."

Did Gleis just atomize him?

"Jack doesn't know about it yet, but now that I've told you, you might want to see what can be done to salvage this mission. Now a message from our sponsors."

Wow. If I were a lesser man I would have screamed my head off. Instead -

... wait, sponsors

"Hi. I'm Barney Bojangles, and I drink Rokitfule. It's the only liquor that's GUARANTEED to shorten your life by a year a gulp!"

: ("GOD, SHUT THE HELL UP! IT'S ALWAYS THE DUMBEST **** AROUND HERE! NOBODY CARES ABOUT INFORMERCIALS EVEN IN THE BEST OF TIMES, IDIOT!! AAAAAAAAAGH!")

: ("Are you alright, miss Ivory?")

: ("Yes, I'm completely fine. What gave you that impression?")

: ("... Perhaps you need to rest.")

"Please wait while I return you to Jack. This could take a little while, so don't start slamming keys in frustration if you don't get back immediately."

Oh, Cutlerine. You sure are a Guy.

Seriously though, wow. This entire sequence was just a goddamn mess. Like the screen panning thing was cool, but everything else is... whoof.

Aren't you supposed to be attacking me? Whatever, I don't care.

Anyway, welcome to the Super Trick Maze! All I have to say for this part is:

It's easily the most frustrating maze in the entire game. It was another one that was so bad that Cutlerine actually had to make a map for it.

Cutlerine, you are not winning anybody over with these stupid mazes. All they do is piss people off and make them not want to play your game, especially if there's wild encounters littered around them like in the Super Trick Maze.

These are, honestly, the lowest point in Snakewood's gameplay (the story gets its own nadir soon enough - yes, it somehow manages to top what we've already seen).

Since I am not a sadist myself, I'm just going to skip to the end for your convenience.

Another Shinigami, only this time he didn't try to hit on Bellamine. Nero is the only one that will do that.

Anyway, I should probably tell you guys something.

See, there's a reason why I'm still trying to make an effort to be entertaining despite the fact that I honestly cannot stand this part of the game.

Like I'm not kidding, this part of Snakewood is so harrowingly stupid that I don't want to keep playing or have anything to do with it... but I'm not going to half-ass my commentary.

The feeling like the Let's Player is fatigued with the game he's playing isn't something I want to be letting off. That, and it wouldn't be entertaining to you guys if I just put my brain on autopilot.

"I suppose it's no good wondering where this water's coming from, since we're on the sixth floor... I just don't care anymore. Sigh. I guess there's only one thing to do."

Have Ballin surf on the water and ignore the completely useless thing that's coming up?

Damn. I didn't want to go through this part.

We're in the S.S Cangrejo again... and this time with less purpose than ever.

"Sigh... Anybody here? Usher? No reply. That's weird. Usually, Usher shows up pretty quickly."

Jack is just as tired as I am of all this.

"Come to think about it, don't I usually fall into the cargo hold?"

???: "Hello."

: "What was that?! ... Just my imagination, then. This place gives me the creeps."

: ("Jack, when is it ever anybody's imagination?")

: "... Right."

Light Screen has no use because we have a Bellamine.

"This is stupid! There aren't any more doors, so where do I go from here?"

???: "I can help with that. Heh... readying warp..."

: "Who said that?"

To this day, I still don't know who that voice is.

Future Dan: Maybe it's a sea demon.

Alright, we have a mini-ship going back and forth like a kid doped up on sugar.

Along with an exact replica of the helpful room from a few chapters ago. There's even wild Ampharos roaming in the room outside if you want to grind.

I know why Cutlerine did this - so you could swap out your Pokemon and get a break. What I don't understand is the part immediately after this.

No, really.

: "It is? Oh my god, I'm so lucky to be here! I've gotta watch!"

You know, it's not like the world is in imminent peril or anything. It's cool.

[The crowd screams "No, don't break up"]

Band leader: "I'm sorry, our minds are made up. But we're going to leave you with our greatest hit song!"

[Crowd cheers]

: ("Okay. I'll bite. What's the song?")

Now, the part that comes after this is completely undoctored:

"Cats cats cats cats cats - OH YEAH! Dogs dogs dogs dogs dogs - OH YEAH! Mice mice mice mice mice - OH YEAH! ELEPHAAAAANT! ELEPHAAAAANT!"

: ("What IS this garbage?!")

: ("Wow, with songs like those, I don't know how they got popular in the first place...")

: ("Yeah, that was just bad.")

Since I can't take this part seriously at all, just have this song playing in the background.

: "Sob... choke... so sad... this is the last time Sumekka will ever play, and it's just... so sad and beautiful..."

: ("What the fresh hell are you talking about, Jack?")

: "Sniff... I won't let the halcyon years of their existence go to waste! I'm - I'm going down there to see them off!"

There is literally no redeeming value to this entire scene. Also, surprisingly, Sumekka was just something Cutlerine made up. Which makes it even dumber.

: ("... Alright, on the count of three.")

: ("Right.")

"I have to get to Sumekka before they break up forever! I bet the entrance to the concert is behind that steel d--"

[Bellamine and Ivory slap Jack at the same time]

: ("Snap out of it, Jack!")

: "... Huh? What happened?"

: ("It's just as I feared. He was possessed by Cutlerine again. That man keeps manipulating Jack...")

: ("What, so this has happened before?")

: ("Boy, that's really starting to make my blood boil! Why can't he just leave Jack alone?!")

: "Guys... Thanks. Let's just get out of this horrible place."

: ("Of course!")

; ("Right behind you, buddy!")

Man, these puzzles are all over the place. At least this one isn't very hard.

The key is in this can, but you have to face directly in front of it otherwise you won't get the key.

This is the message you would get if you tried to leave without doing the Sumekka stuff. However, since our Jack has common sense, I ignore the script barrier and keep going ahead.

: "Yeah, no. Screw that. I'm outta here. I've already wasted enough time as it is."

Sumekka is literally a non-entity. There is no good reason why Jack should be held up by their break up, as he would realistically not care. The sequence only exists to waste our time when we are already in the middle of storming the Necropolis.

You could remove this part from the game and absolutely nothing would be affected by it. Hence why not being able to skip it without cheats is especially jarring.

Let me summarize what happens:

Jack teleports to the stage,

Gets kicked out by a roadie,

Only to climb down the metal beams and get an autograph from the band leaders. That's it. Thrilling.

This game is really coming apart at the seams, isn't it?

Maybe Cutlerine was afraid the Necropolis was too serious or that we needed variety at the last moment? If so, honestly? Bad call.

Oh yes, have a quiz section! Because we really needed that too!

It's not even like the game gives you anything cool for struggling through this. This is not worth a healing point.

I should mention that if you get a question wrong, you're booted to the room before and all of the machines reset. It's like Cutlerine tried his absolute damndest to make sure you don't enjoy this part of the game.

Anyway, I still peg this let's play as informative, so I may as well give you the questions:

#1: There is no cow level. (No)
#2: Has Yoshimitsu's sword ever been cursed? (Yes)
#3: Fire was better than Octopus. (No)
#4: It's impossible to be Rokakku Gouji? (No)

I honestly don't care what these are references to.

This asks music related questions.

#1: "Did she, in fact, see the skater boy later?" (Yes)
#2: "In the song Tokyo, he thinks he has broken his heart again and also lost love again." (No)
#3: "What do the pillows want to wake up? Is it a duck?" (No)
#4: "My favorite song on Miho Hatori's album is Walking City." (No)
#5: "Professor K plays many songs by Hideki Naganuma." (Yes)
#6: "To qualify as a wild challenger, there's no need for any tricky style." (No)
#7: "The song Cats, Cats, Cats, made famous by Sumekka, originated in Visbu." (Yes)

If you're wondering what Visbu even is, it's a region that Cutlerine made before Snakewood was a thing.

This machine asks Hoenn-related questions, which must be hilarious.

#1: The zombie outbreak started in 2010? (No)

This one is tricky. 2010 is when Snakewood was made, not when the outbreak started.

#2: Hoenn joined the UN in 1974? (Yes - even if that doesn't make sense)
#3: Mr. Briney used to be in the Sinnoh Navy (Yes)
#4: Hoenn's most famous writer was Tancred De Lantemente. (No)
#5: Hoenn was unified in 1870. True? (Yes)
#6: Before Lilycove, Rustboro was the capital? (No)
#7: The last President of Hoenn was Marcus Cuticle? (Yes)
#8: An old Hoennian proverb says that you should never trust a goose. Is this a good idea? (Yes)
#9: Ense Protz was from Hoenn? (No)

Saying what I think about these quizzes would be repeating myself.

This one asks "general trivia" questions, which in Snakewood you know have to be ~*wacky*~.

#1: Millipedes have many legs. (No)
#2: Potato? (Yes)
#3: Do you know what furking is? (No)
#4: Doest thou shake rams? (No)
#5: The Owl and the Panther shared a pie. Yes or no? (Yes)
#6: Ist, Ist, Vth, Vth, IV Sharp 9, Vth, Ist? (Yes - ?????????????????????????)
#7: Los rapes son capaces de montar una bicicleta. (No - wow really)
#8: Yet again, I give another stupid question. (Yes)
#9: Father William can balance an eel on the tip of his nose. Yes? (Yes.)
#10: This is the last question. (No)
#11: Is the Cutlerine laughing at you now? (No - it explains that he doesn't even know you exist if you answer yes. Might as well be though.)

Well, those were all of the quizzes.

Oh, and one last middle finger to the player - if you touch this crate, it warps you back to the last room and completely undoes your quiz progress.

I think the last save I had for this episode was titled "this game is dumb", an accurate assessment of my emotional status when I was playing through to get screenshots. We accomplished literally nothing in Usher's sub.

Anyway, that's enough for this chapter. See you guys later for the... end of the game?

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Sidequest List:

• Collect all fifty Broken Hearts (9 out of 50)
• Get Strength to move the boulders

Team setup:

(Bellamine,

, Level 68,

) - "Hmm... Despite everything that's happened, we're still in the Necropolis... Stay alert, everyone!"

(Ambes,

, Level 62,

) - "Right, miss Bellamine!"

(Jeanne,

, Level 61,

) - "Miss Ivory's introduction, the ghost Gallade that tried to hit on Bellamine... This sure has been an exciting day, hahaha."

(Gauss,

, Level 67,

/

) - "Now I see what y'all have to deal with on a regular basis. No wonder why you guys are strong."

(Valor,

, Level 63, has Plus Band,

/

) - "Yeah, Gauss. By the way. Ivory is kinda scary, but that's sort of why I like her...."

(Ballin,

, level 62,

/

) - "Man, can we just get this over with already?"

(Ivory,

, Level ??,

/

) - "... I sort of have a headache from how angry I got. Maybe I should lay down somewhere."

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Back-up Team:

(Reggie,

, Level 61, has Leftovers,

/

) - "Alright, guys! You can do it! Kick some ass!"

(Zagon,

, Level 63,

/

) - "... They sure are in the pit of madness, aren't they?"

(Alice,

, level 62,

) - "Miss Ivory is my kind of woman, nya."

(Ace,

, Level 58, has Anadrin Talon,

/

) - "Oh, I didn't know you liked them like that, Alice." [Alice's face turns a deep red]

(Juno,

, Level 60,

/

) - "Guys, don't get yourselves killed in there! We don't need any more Ghost types around here!"

(Umbra,

, Level 62,

) - "... All we can do is hope that they win."

(Tohru,

, Level 60,

/

) - "Ha! Why so down, Umbra? Of course they're going to win!"

(Pumbloom,

, level 56,

) - "M-MISS IVORY IS SCARY..."

(Wagner,

, Level 57,

/

) - "They're so close to Senex... It's surprising how powerful Jack and the team are."

(Chloris,

, level 61,

/

) - [Chloris lies on top of Wagner's head, crossing her legs] "Yeah! What else did you expect, Wagner?"

(Beatrice,

, Level 50,

/

) - "Ahaha! Miss Ivory is wonderful! I wonder if she's a good gossiper."

(Shine,

, level 33,

) - "B-Big Sis?! I... I can't believe it!"

(Spark,

, level 32,

) - "What a time for her to show up, too! This is gonna be a show, haha."

(Alpha, level 55,

/

) - "OKAY, I'M LOST."

(Letro, level 50,

/

) - "FINALLY, SOMETHING WE CAN AGREE ON. BZZT!"

(Menti,

, level 57,

/

) - "Aaaah! Jack! Don't get eaten!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Portrait Credits:

Spoiler:

PMD Sprite Repository site: https://sprites.pmdcollab.org/

- Reggie (Paras & Parasect – Non-standard sprites are made by jackolanternjackalope. Parasect doesn't have any new portraits so he doesn't get a change.)

- Bellamine (Kirlia & Gardevoir – Non-standard sprites are made by JFain and Ichor)

- Alice (Skitty & Delcatty – Non-standard sprites are made by baronessfaron)

- Ace (Taillow & Swellow – Non-standard sprites are made by FunnyKecleonMeme and Caitemis)

- Tohru (Makuhita & Hariyama – Non-standard sprites are made by baronessfaron. Hariyama doesn't have any new portraits so he doesn't get a change.)

- Jeanne (Vulpix & Ninetales – Non-standard sprites are made by Meganai & baronessfaron)

- Umbra (Absol – Non-standard sprites are made by Emmuffin)

- Ambes's Raichu portraits were edited by my friend, The Composer.

- Zagon (Zigzagoon & Linoone – Non-standard sprites are made by DasK. Linoone doesn't have any new faces.)

- Chloris (Celebi – made by Leafia_Barrett and Murpi)

- Juno (Shuppet & Banette – Non-standard sprites are made by baronessfaron & Murpi)

- Shine & Spark (Pichu – Non-standard sprites are by C_Pariah)

- Cherry (Oddish & Bellossom – Non-standard sprites are by gromchurch, felis_licht and ShyQuietRain)

- Letro (Magnemite family – Non-standard sprites are Fearless-Quit, Emboarger and SirViolet. Magnezone doesn't have any variants.)

- Valor (Zangoose & Zangol – Non-standard sprites are made by Emmuffin. The Zangol recolor + Kamina Shades was made by me.)

- Helmaroc/Wagner (Aerodactyl – Non-standard sprites are made by Caitemis)

- Gauss (Toxicroak – Non-standard sprites are made by baronessfaron)

NON-PLAYABLE CHARACTERS:

- Meteor (Shiny version of Charizard – made by Adrian, SuperFabbioGuy and Murpi)

- Meteor's Daughter (Is an egg sprite made from scratch – made by Emboarger and ShyQuietRain)

- Nero (Is a Gallade sprite modified to look like the Shinigami in Snakewood - I did the Shinigami edit, while the base Gallade sprites were made by baronessfaron)

- Ivory (Raichu ghost edit – Original sprites are the Raichu edits my friend made, but edited to look more ghostly by me.)

- ??? (Yveltal – Non-standard sprites made by Emboarger)

- ??? (Xerneas – Non-standard sprites made by baronessfaron & anon)

 

[Rainbow Chara X]

Well, we've reached it - the final battle. The epic conclusion, where the balance of life and death hangs over -- oh who am I kidding, it's Snakewood we're talking about.

Chapter 29 - Breaking Point​

Spoiler:

Let's get to the point.

Oh, what the hell. Robin Hood references when they're supposed to be cowboys? Come on, man, you had one job.

Also, man. Steven, Meteor and Izumii were useless. Then again, they held up surprisingly long for what are essentially NPCs in a comedy game.

After Nero, pitting Bellamine against more Shinigami wasn't even intentional. But since I'm here, I may as well say this: They're all totally checking her out.

[Poses dramatically]

Didn't get you far, did it?

This guy who thinks he can handle the Bellamine killdozer tour is called Headslinger Bandito, by the way. He might as well be wearing a poncho and a mustache just to complete the experience.

God knows Cutlerine isn't above putting Mexican stereotypes into the game.

Ahem, good sir. Your delivery needs to be more over the top so you can be properly laughed at be more memorable.

A "Ride 'em cowboy" or "Get along, doggie" would be more sufficient.

Well, we can't have that, now can we?

"The Battle Zombie choked on a laser and burnt off her spinal cord, paralyzing herself!"

God, this game just gets better and better, doesn't it.

A good comedian never runs out of material!

Oh look, it's how I feel about the game.

"Oh yeah, and you won."

We must have a comedy stand off before this game ends! I demand it!

"It's not very effective" is also relevant - it's me being unaffected by what this game is throwing at me.

Also - hot damn, Bellamine is strong now.

An ounce of prevention keeps the MADNESS away.

"If you do, I'll just read your thoughts."

You're no Gleis, buddy. You can't scare me.

Oh hey, the game is actually throwing us a "boss" right before the end.

Too bad Bellamine dominated like most of it by herself.

Surprisingly, Valor got to help.

[Valor used Brick Break!]

This might just be Valor's final moment of glory before we get to Senex.

(And of course it had to be the freaking Kamina reference too.)

I'm just going to drop the jokes for a bit and say that this guy is completely serious. The next battle is by far the hardest in the game and the most punishing. There's no way a person with my team should be able to do this, but I'm going to keep going and break the system.

Wish me luck.

This is it. We're at the pinnacle.

[Replay Stealthy Shadow]

: "Senex! Your time has come!"

: "Has it? Look around."

[Jack turns left and then right]

: "Your friends have been made conspicuous by their absence, my child."

: "Wh-where are they?!"

: "I shall let Gleis and Temulence answer that. You two! Fetch them!"

: "Yes, my lord."

They've been turned into a Star Wars reference. Calm down, Jack.

Although why Senex and pals didn't kill them is beyond me.

: "Muahahahahaha! Now, prepare to be crushed!"


[Senex charges at Jack]

[Theme for the final Senex fight: Megalomania (Live-A-Live)]

Fun fact: The actual game just has the regular trainer theme playing for the fight against the main villain of the entire game.

The person who caused Snakewood to happen and the most unbelievably goddamn powerful opponents in the entire game... just has the regular trainer theme.

Yeah no, that's boring. Seriously though, Senex is not holding back and will probably annihilate your team off of the face of the planet even if your guys are the same level or higher than his.

His first Pokemon is a Faceleech that thinks it's threatening. How adorable.

HOLY HELL THAT WAS CLOSE!

Turmur has a base attack stat of 185! Even with halved attack, it nearly killed Jeanne with one Earthquake (the above is after two Full Restores). To top it off, it's level 80! It's like... "if you're doing this, we're going to make sure you don't win."

Well, I didn't go this far into the game to quit now. Let me take those monstrously high stats of yours and make them completely worthless.

[Bellamine used Calm Mind!]

Overkill is the best kind of kill.

Senex's next Pokemon is Shaderu, who is finally at the level he should be. He'll still stand no chance.

Ambes tried to help and did. Cutting Shaderu's speed in half is a great asset for this part.

: ("He got me, sis.")

: ("It's fine, Ambes... At least Jack pulled you out before it could kill you.")

: ("Bellamine! Are you alright?!")

: ("Y-yes... I can't fail now! Too many lives are at stake!")

: ("I'll destroy you once and for all, demon!")

[Bellamine used Psychic!]

Yeah, she did more than destroy it. She wiped it from history.

: ("If you think this can stop me, think again.")

: ("Well then. I believe we've made our point.")

: ("Amazing!")

"Never subcontract the work out to legendaries, even if they're evil ones. This job calls for my... personal intervention."

: ("Bring it on, old man!")

: ("Get any closer and you'll regret it!")

: ("Touch one hair on Jack's head and just see what happens.")

: ("I won't even allow him to get that close.")

"You will never even have been born."

(

) [The Crew are shielding Jack from the attack - a bright flash of light covers the screen]

"Ah-aaagh! This is what Marty felt like at the Under The Sea Ball!"

: ("What.")

: "AAA- huh? I-it stopped..."

Oh no, here comes the "ending."

"Who dares to interfere with my power?"

[All of the Crew stare at Senex with a confused glance as they were just tanking the attack a second ago]

I know the Crew's not actually doing anything in the story itself, but it'd make a rattatain' picture.

[A Deadly Seven member pops in from the top right]

What, he's back?!

: "YOU!"

: "Him?"

: "Me!"

Spongebob!

Wow, are we really being saved by Asimov of all people? Oh, but it gets better from here folks.

: "Confound you Afromasters and your insanity! I do not wish to hear your haiku!"

: "My haiku goes like this: 'My fist of justice, DIGERIDOO PUMPKIN BLAST!'"

: ("NOT THIS AGAIN!?")

[Senex gets blasted off of the mountain]

"It deflects all my dark spells..."

: "Well? Would you like to hear another haiku, friends?"

[Gleis and Temulence jump off of the mountain, which is actually a puddle effect]

... Oh right, I have to say something. Uh... Wow, I can't believe I actually made it this far into the game and powered through the final boss like that. Most people would have given up by now. I guess I'm just insane like that.

Future Dan: You could even say... Deadly.

Since this isn't the real end of the game, I can't go all out yet.

: "I cannot die, for I am... unutterably moxious Accordion Thief!"

: "... Yep, you're entirely back to normal."

I don't like the "normal" Deadly Seven.

[Senex yells out wait and walks up to Jack]

Wow, did Senex really just walk back up here after he fell down the mountain? I know he can fly, but him using the stairs like a normal person is more funny.

: "There's still one more thing I can do."

: "No, not that!"

: "Yes, that!"

: "What?"

: "He's going to bake a cake!"

: ("You're serious.")

: "What?! What are you really up to, Senex?"

: "Baking a cake. Let me see... flour..."

: "Jack! Only you can stop him now! I've done as much as I can, but now it's up to you to do the rest!"

I don't know. I honestly don't know.

: "Two large eggs..."

: "Don't let him get to the water!"

: "Doesn't that go in first?!"

: "And the water..."

I swear I'm at the threshold of repeating "WHAT?!?!" over and over.

: "Demerara sugar..."

: "Oh my sainted aunt! Jack, stop him!"

: "What do you expect me to do, man?! I can't move for some reason!"

"The elevator has arrived."

: "What elevator? Where?"

: "Don't let him get in!"

???: "Lift going down."

: "NOOOO!"

[Warping SFX followed by fade to black transition]

... Uh. Serious question: what in the name of everything decent just happened? Why are we in an endless void of puddle water?

: "Yo."

: "Asimov, what's going on? What the hell happened?"

: "Listen."

[There's no music or sound effects in this scene]

: "I don't hear anything."

: "Exactly. Even the background music has stopped. It's over, Jack. By baking the cake, Senex... has destroyed Hoenn."

... WHAT!?

You mean we did the entire game for nothing?!

: "HOW CAN WE HAVE FAILED?!"

[Theme I would use for this scene: Sad Story]

: "... I understand how you must feel. But it's over, Jack. Hoenn is gone. Only the people who caught Senex's elevator survived. You, your Pokemon, me and --"

: "And Senex."

[Ambes starts crying over the others while Ivory consoles him]

: ("No, no, no! You can't be serious!")

: ("No! Rubus...! Is this really how it all ends...?")

: "Yes, and him... Are you alright, Jack?"

: "Just peachy, Kate. The world is my oyster."

: "Jack? That's a quotatio--"

It's official. Jack has snapped.

: "It - it can't be..."

: "How weary, stale and unprofitable --"

: "It is! It is!"

: "-- Seem to me all of the uses of this world."

: "Jack... This is it. This is what the prophecy was talking about..."

: "Even doctor Feelgood couldn't help me now!"

: ("What in the goddamn...?")

Okay, okay, cut the music. Sad Story clearly isn't going to be working given where this conversation is going. So instead have Jolly Ol' Spekkio playing throughout this entire travesty.

If the game isn't going to take itself seriously, then I shouldn't either.

: "You've gained access to the Cutlerine's knowledge of references! The Pop Culture Nexus itself!"

: ("You cannot be serious.")

: [Shrill incoherent screaming]

: "Huh? No way! I can't - can't have that sort of power!"

: "It's true. Think back to the last few things you said. They've all been references!"

: "Oh... And when I killed Esau, I did it by exposing what he was a reference to..."

: "Exactly!"

: "But this changes nothing... It's still hopeless..."

: "Why are you giving me this? Do I stutter?"

: "Another perfect cryptic reference... Come on! With this sort of power, we can actually defeat Senex!"

: "What about fixing Hoenn?!"

YES PLEASE TELL US HOW

: "The power of the reference is limited only by the number of ideas already used. As long as there is some way that this sort of situation has been resolved before in another story, we can do it again here by using references."

This is the dumbest muk I've seen in a while, which is impressive in its own right. By the way guys, this game was nominated in several spots for Hack of the Year 2011 over at Pokecommunity here? Should probably bring that up now before I forget.

: "Alright! Let's do this and kill that nasty old guy!"

: ("Bellamine... do something! Please, god!")

: ("There's something stopping me from doing anything! It's completely possessed Jack!")

"Well, well, well. Look who survived. Please, feel free to mourn the ruins of your native land while I destroy Asimov again."

: "Grr!"


Now, this next part, I'm not even joking around. This is really how the text reads in the game:

"JackHOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO MY PRECIOUS UNDERLING' PUNCH!"

Cutlerine just did not give a psyduck by the end.

[Flash of light]

"What the hell...? Was that... a referential attack? But how...?"

: "'WHO DO YOU THINK I AM' KICK!"

: "AGH! T-the prophecy... Damn that blasted oracle! These attacks are powerful beyond reason..."

: "Kick reason to the curb and do the impossible!"

I refuse.

: "Jack! Be careful - you can't reference the same thing too many times or it will cease to have effect!"

What am I reading?

: "And that is the very reason you cannot defeat me. You may be stronger and have access to ALL the references the Cutlerine does - but I am infinitely more experienced! I do not have many references to use, but I know how to use them! Now: 'Twas brillig, and the slithy--"

You're no Lewis Carroll, Cutlerine. Don't even try it.

: "Oh no! It's a strong one! Watch out, Jack! It's whiffling here right now!"

(

)

: "What's the problem? Just throw one of the Crew at it. The reference thing is stupid."

: ("Huh? Jack somehow broke through the possession?")

: "--did gyre and gimble in the wabe--"

: "What is it? What's coming?"

: "HE is! The Jabberwock!"

We just beat Senex and all of his Pokemon, all of which were at least ten or so levels above us. There's no way the Jabberwock would even stand a chance.

"I need a good reference to combat it."

Or you could... I don't know, have Valor make Senex's face concave. Because he's a Dark type and therefore weak to being punched.

: "Got it!"

[Venusaur cry]

: "Hurry, Jack!"

: "Come on, Asimov! I'll land you with care!"

: "What?! No, surely your power isn't so great--"

: "This is just the place for a Snark!"

: "No, you fool!"

: "Jack, close your eyes!"

: "What?"

"Don't ever look at it!"

: "You can't force me to look at it either, Asimov! This is a stalemate!"


[Asimov peels Senex's eyes wide open]

: "No! Unhand me! Let go of my eyes!"

: "Never! Jack! Keep going!"

[Flash of light]

: "It's almost here!"

Guys, how did this go from fighting a zombie apocalypse and the dark lord that created it to a reference battle between kindergarteners?

[Jack shut their eyes tightly]

"In the midst of the word he was trying to say, in the midst of his laughter and glee, he had softly and suddenly vanished away, for the Snark was a Boojum, you see."

: ("I literally have nothing to say. To think I was worried this would have made sense! Can't have that, now can we?!")

: ("Agreed. This is indefensible.")

"What do I do now? Put Hoenn back? I'd better bring back Asimov, too. Let's see... Oh! That's it! All I need is to use the Atlas! Damn, Gina, this reference is so handy! Here comes a massively improbable plot device! Compleat Atlas, activate!"

[Fade to black transition]

: ".... What the absolute psyduck just happened?!"

: ("You were completely possessed by him again. Apparently, it helped bring everything back together... but...")

: ("It was all a load of crap!")

: ("Yeah, what she said.")

: ("At least everything is... fixed? At least our efforts weren't in vain.")

: "Okay, good. I don't know how I would have taken it if everything we loved was destroyed forever."

Can I just be real for one second? That actually happened, right? The act of citing a reference was used to save Hoenn from being destroyed.

I think the dumbest part about this is that Cutlerine tries to pepper the story with clues of "oh references are going to be important later on" when it all builds up to mediocrity.

I should also take this time to mention (If I hadn't already) that Cutlerine thought the plot of Snakewood was better than the canon plot of the actual Pokemon games. Yes, everything we've seen he thought was better than the actual games.

I really hope the man changed his mindset as the years passed, because that's not a flattering first impression of someone.

Future Dan: Doubly so when you consider Black/White have Actually Good plotlines that stand on their own, and that's not getting into discussions about Sun/Moon or even Gen 9, which for all of its faults has some of the best character writing in the series yet.

A horribly pretentious ending. Oh wait, that's in the Art Museum next chapter.

: "... It's over, everybody! It's over, it's over, it's over! I beat Senex with the help of Asimov, Gleis and Temulence are gone for good, and - and everything's fine!"

All: "Hooray!"

Grendel: "Wait!"

: "What is it?"

Grendel: "I've still got reports of zombies..."

: "Uh... (Damn it, that's my fault. I restored Hoenn to its state before Senex destroyed it. That nasty old necromancer's gone, but those zombies would still be there...)"

Oops. That's our Jack. *Laugh track plays*

Honestly, though. The one thing we were trying to fix and you did half of the job. Way to go, hero.

: "Uh... that's bad. Can't imagine why that should be."


Grendel: "Well, we'll soon mop them up without Senex to stop us."

: "That's true."

: "I've got a message!"

: "Let's hear it."

"We're all invited to... a celebratory party! On Gym Island! Oh, and Jack, there's going to be a reward for you there. Come on, let's go!"

"Damn! I'd better figure out how to get to Gym Island!"

Wow, the guest of honor doesn't even get to go with them. That's sad.

I don't understand why you couldn't have just teleported Jack to Gym Island instead of making us do this. By the way, you are supposed to take a wild guess to know where to go from here. But first, a bonus area.

Remember how in Chapter 3.5 (ah, the memories) we went in here but didn't really explore it? Well, now we can.

Choc... Orange. This is related to Radiorange, by the way. Just... it becomes important at the end of the unfinished Trick House.

It's literally an unfinished Trick House. The Abandoned Ship theme playing here, after all of the stupidity we've seen throughout this game, makes me yearn for the actual Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald games due to them being infinitely better. That, and I like getting sappy to certain songs.

"MECHADOLL 32 AM I! I ASK ONLY QUESTIONS ON CHEESE!"

: "Dear god!"

[Jack punches the robot on the head]

Yeah, I'd be terrified if a life-sized robot shaped like a man came up to me and started asking cheese questions too.

"I'm not done building my new Trick House. Oho! You have a Chocolate Orange! That's all well and good, but I could make it trickier!"

You need an empty slot in your party to even activate this event, by the way.

"Aha! Here we are. Take this."

Yes, we get a reference to Clockwork Orange of all things. At this point, it feels less like Cutlerine wanted to show people things he liked and more like he's shoving it in your face, like "LOOK AT ALL OF THESE THINGS I KNOW ABOUT. AREN'T I COOL."

This entire game is just teenager cringe solidified into video game form.

It's literally Radiorange but in different colors and with a mechanical eye. I guess you could say it's worthwhile? I'm not the person who made Snakewood. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyway, here's what we have to do next. You have to catch Roclobster at Dewford and take the Hard Disk Solo that comes with them.

Then you have to go all the way to Slateport and bring the Hard Disk Solo to this rock.

"Music began to play! Sounds familiar... What's this?"

I think I had to title the saves for this part "how the hell do you figure this out theatre" because of how needlessly cryptic/complicated it was.

Oh boo hoo. Go cry me a river, Forgotten Afro.

I just had to go item scrounging one last time before I proceed with the plot.

Anyway, remember this lady? Gabriella? Turns out she's how you get to Gym Island. This was another thing Cutlerine had to tell everybody about because nobody could (rightfully) figure it out by themselves.

"Why do you have two? Anyway, those tickets mean I can take you to Gym Island! Hop on and let's go!"

Cool. Let's blow this taco stand.

"Damn it, a rock! Well, we'll see who's tougher in the end!"

Is that really a smart ide--

[Gabriella revs back and smashes into the rock, which actually removes it from the overworld]

I... I didn't know it was possible to alter the overworld like that.

Gabriella is too badass for me.

Anyway, that's the end of chapter 29. See you guys next time for the finale of Snakewood, where I can finally clean my hands of this game for good.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sidequest List:

• Collect all fifty Broken Hearts (9 out of 50)
• Get Strength to move the boulders

Team setup:

(Bellamine,

, Level 72,

) - "We're finally free of that nightmare! No more madness!"

(Ambes,

, Level 62,

) - "Thank goodness, too. I don't know how much longer I could have endured that."

(Jeanne,

, Level 61,

) - "I wouldn't get your hopes up if I were you... It still seems like there's more to come."

(Gauss,

, Level 67,

/

) - "You just gotta chill, babe. It's time to kick back, relax and enjoy a walk down the beach or something."

(Valor,

, Level 63, has Plus Band,

/

) - "Man, I am so glad that stuff is all over. I agree with Ambes. My head was just spinning that entire time."

(Ballin,

, level 62,

/

) - "That lady sure showed that rock, damn!"

(Ivory,

, Level ??,

/

) - "Thank goodness! It's all over! And I didn't have to pop a blood vessel again!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Back-up Team:

(Reggie,

, Level 61, has Leftovers,

/

) - "Guys... I don't care how we did it. As long as we won, that's fine by me."

(Zagon,

, Level 63,

/

) - "Of course, Reggie. Did you ever have any doubt?"

(Alice,

, level 62,

) - "Bellamine was so powerful in those last few parts. Given how she never leaves Jack's side, I can see why... I'm sorta jealous, nya. She gets to be so close to him and all."

(Ace,

, Level 58, has Anadrin Talon,

/

) - "Ha! I know the feeling, Alice. But well, I guess that's just how much she loves him. She's sort of like his mother in some ways."

(Juno,

, Level 60,

/

) - "That sort of explains a lot, now that you bring it up. But hey, who are we to complain?"

(Umbra,

, Level 62,

) - "... Hot damn, they actually did it."

(Tohru,

, Level 60,

/

) - "Of course, my boy! There's no way even Senex could have stood up to their power!"

(Pumbloom,

, level 56,

) - "WOW... NO MORE SENEX... DOES THAT MEAN WE'RE DONE?"

(Wagner,

, Level 57,

/

) - "They did it. They managed to bring down this entire invasion... I can't be any prouder of Jack and the others."

(Chloris,

, level 61,

/

) - "Although the method they did it with is... very questionable..."

(Beatrice,

, Level 50,

/

) - [does an emotional fainting motion] "Oooh, miss Bellamine looked radiant as she was eliminating those evildoers."

(Shine,

, level 33,

) - "Spark. I don't even care what happened. I'm just glad they're still alive."

(Spark,

, level 32,

) - "Of course, sis. I love them too much to let anything happen to them either, you know."

(Alpha, level 55,

/

) - "... TRUCE?"

(Letro, level 50,

/

) - "APPARENTLY BEING SENT TO THE VOID HAS CHANGED YOUR OUTLOOK ON LIFE A BIT. VERY WELL THEN. BZZT!"

(Menti,

, level 57,

/

) - "I... I'm still here? Jack... saved the world? Wow..."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Portrait Credits:

Spoiler:

PMD Sprite Repository site: https://sprites.pmdcollab.org/

- Reggie (Paras & Parasect – Non-standard sprites are made by jackolanternjackalope. Parasect doesn't have any new portraits so he doesn't get a change.)

- Bellamine (Kirlia & Gardevoir – Non-standard sprites are made by JFain and Ichor)

- Alice (Skitty & Delcatty – Non-standard sprites are made by baronessfaron)

- Ace (Taillow & Swellow – Non-standard sprites are made by FunnyKecleonMeme and Caitemis)

- Tohru (Makuhita & Hariyama – Non-standard sprites are made by baronessfaron. Hariyama doesn't have any new portraits so he doesn't get a change.)

- Jeanne (Vulpix & Ninetales – Non-standard sprites are made by Meganai & baronessfaron)

- Umbra (Absol – Non-standard sprites are made by Emmuffin)

- Ambes's Raichu portraits were edited by my friend, The Composer.

- Zagon (Zigzagoon & Linoone – Non-standard sprites are made by DasK. Linoone doesn't have any new faces.)

- Chloris (Celebi – made by Leafia_Barrett and Murpi)

- Juno (Shuppet & Banette – Non-standard sprites are made by baronessfaron & Murpi)

- Shine & Spark (Pichu – Non-standard sprites are by C_Pariah)

- Cherry (Oddish & Bellossom – Non-standard sprites are by gromchurch, felis_licht and ShyQuietRain)

- Letro (Magnemite family – Non-standard sprites are Fearless-Quit, Emboarger and SirViolet. Magnezone doesn't have any variants.)

- Valor (Zangoose & Zangol – Non-standard sprites are made by Emmuffin. The Zangol recolor + Kamina Shades was made by me.)

- Helmaroc/Wagner (Aerodactyl – Non-standard sprites are made by Caitemis)

- Gauss (Toxicroak – Non-standard sprites are made by baronessfaron)

NON-PLAYABLE CHARACTERS:

- Meteor (Shiny version of Charizard – made by Adrian, SuperFabbioGuy and Murpi)

- Meteor's Daughter (Is an egg sprite made from scratch – made by Emboarger and ShyQuietRain)

- Nero (Is a Gallade sprite modified to look like the Shinigami in Snakewood - I did the Shinigami edit, while the base Gallade sprites were made by baronessfaron)

- Ivory (Raichu ghost edit – Original sprites are the Raichu edits my friend made, but edited to look more ghostly by me.)

- ??? (Yveltal – Non-standard sprites made by Emboarger)

- ??? (Xerneas – Non-standard sprites made by baronessfaron & anon)

 

[Rainbow Chara X]

NORMALLY, I would be sad that it's all over. But I'm not. Was more fun than I was expecting, though.

Chapter 30 - To Greener Pastures (FINALE)​

Spoiler:

Well, we're on Gym Island now. Believe it or not, the plot of Snakewood that seemed to go on forever has finally concluded.

Hallelujah.

The only things stopping this from being a two-screenshot chapter with the second screenshot being The End on a black background are the things I've yet to show off... which are still going to give me migraines.

: "Where is everyone? Wasn't there meant to be a party?"

: "Yeah, you kind of missed it."

: "What? But it was in my honor!"

Wow, the person who saves everybody's asses from utter destruction and he doesn't even get the credit he deserves. To think, this could have been easily avoided if Jack was just teleported to Gym Island with them. I seriously don't see any reason why we had to guess the way to get there.

: "Well, you snooze, you lose. I've still got this present for you, though."

Well, that lets me cross off Strength off of the Sidequest List... but you're still getting a restraining order.

: "Well, I'll be off. I have work to do."

[Fade to black transition]

: "Well, that was a disappointment. Still, I suppose I can still challenge these gyms... or not, given how I have no real interest to do so."

Yeah, what he said.

"If you had a Deoxys, you could totally bring it here and change its form, but you don't, so you can't. Ever."

Wow, even the flavor text is getting sassy for no good reason. That should tell you how far we're falling.

"Oho! They've gone far away, I don't know where."

Mr. Artist Stereotype knows what he's talking about. We'll meet up with Landon and May in a moment, though.

... Man, I can't even work up the emotion for this. The only place I can go with this is probably saying some joke that's in bad taste like "was she extra crispy".

Snakewood is like That Guy if he were made into a video game. Don't be like Snakewood.

This guy has a Level 85 Zebstrika that tries to be scary with Volt Tackle...

But the Crew sort him out immediately. After Senex, nothing scares me.

"The great Gym Island Stadium!"

Yeah, keep deluding yourself buddy. If you use walk-through-walls on the door behind him, it'll take you all the way back to Petalburg City. It's as strange as it sounds, but nothing we haven't come to expect from this game.

There's literally no purpose to the stadium as we never get to go down there ourselves. But at least it looks pretty cool.

: "... You are SO not."

Yeah. She's totally this guy. I believe her. Don't you?

"Until there's Nothing Left."

I'm not going to question why Gym Island is packed with all of the crazies, but I'll forgive this one because I feel the same way as him.

Generic NPC dialogue?! How can this be?

"You can imagine my surprise when I came home! Hoho!"

I would not be surprised if this entire game was a three ring circus where the entire show is to infuriate the player/Jack.

I'm not going to challenge the gyms at all. They're pointless even by the standard of this game due to them not being that interesting or even challenging.

They just... exist. I'm surprised Cutlerine even went to the extent to put in a postgame, but it was so mediocre that he might have well not bothered.

The only notable Gym is one where a guy transforms into different trainers as you fight him... which doesn't really give you anything. There was also another one which is a reference to Jet Set Radio, which I know would have pissed off one of my friends.

Apparently, the gym this dude is standing in front of requires a sidequest to bypass him. Since I'm done with this game as it is, I'm just gonna skip to the point.

God bless cheating. I have no idea where I would have been if I didn't have it for this.

... oh

Wow, this is some psyducked up scenery right here. Oh, and would you look at who's here!

: "Senex! I thought you were dead! And what is this place?"

: "A master of death cannot die. And this is my lair... Black Rock."

: "But it's just some mess of glitchy reality..."

: "Indeed. I don't know why it's named Black Rock. Still, that's beside the point. You have come here, seeking the final challenge - and I accept it! In my true form, I prepare to do battle, and I shall strike the last blow for undeath! Hiyaaaaah! Undeath!"

Wow, even Senex turned into a dork by the end. Wait, that happened earlier when he baked a cake that somehow managed to destroy all of Hoenn.

Yes, he really is a wild Level 90 old man.

This is what they meant by "Senex is strong even without his Pokemon" because he's literally the stand-in for Rayquaza's slot. Senex himself is

/

with an dump truck of legendary stats and strong moves to use them with.

But by this point, does anybody really care? The game is already over.

Oh well, time for some cruel and unusual punishment!

: "Suck it, old man!"

Welp, we just captured the main villain of the game. I guess we can consider him a member of the crew until we waste him.

: "Wh-?! What is the meaning of this? Why this name of all things?"

: "Oh, you like it? Figured it would appreciate it with all the other things you stole."

: "I don't know what you're talking about."

: "Oh, spare me. Did you honestly not expect anybody to notice that you've been using Yveltal's powers of death and some other junk to animate the zombies?"

: "... Damn, I thought that was a secret. How did you figure it out?"

: "I didn't. I skimmed through the intel we gathered before raiding the Necropolis - something about you being an old rich politician that sacrificed their humanity? I dunno, I kinda glazed over that part. That, and I had a feeling when "Death himself" killed the Horsemen you created but left me and my Pokemon alone. "

: "No... I can't believe a punk like you ruined me like this! All those years of plotting and building power... wasted."

: "Hope you like doing community service, dickweed - cause offing you would be way too generous."

"Now all that's left is to figure out my past. I'm sure getting through these memories quick today, aren't I? It was only this morning that I set out from Oldale."

: "... Wait, no it wasn't. What the hell am I talking about? It's clearly been a few days, if not a week."

: ("What do you even need to know about your past for, Jack?")

: "... Good question. I don't know. There's not really much of a purpose, especially with how far we've come."

These are Senex's stats, if anybody's wondering. He's not only a wild old man, but he's also a karate grandpa. Damn.

Anyway, I should probably show you what the Turmur sidequest is like.

1. Mush Mask, which is given to you by talking to the man in the Rustboro Pokemon Center.

I'm positive I covered this in an earlier chapter but didn't know what it was for. Also, the man's sprite disappeared. You can even walk through him and everything, but he suddenly comes back into existence.

2. Cologne, which can be traded for Mush Mask to someone with a Scientist sprite on Route 118, on the right side of the grass south of Route 119.

"I do love mushrooms so... No? Well, how about I offer this rare and expensive item in exchange?"

Sure, Breloom Fetish Guy.

Jack should probably use some of it after all of the walking around we've done.

3. Spark Token, which can be obtained by trading the Cologne in the Dewford Trendy Sayings house, to the thirsty guy. You can also pick up a Sludge Bomb TM there.

"If you don't mind, could I drink that?"

: "... Uh, sure."

Man: "Take this in exchange."

Man: "Damn! Y-you tricked me! This Colonge is poisonous!"

: "What did you expect?"

How dumb would you have to be to drink Colonge? This is a serious question and I expect it to be answered.

Man: "Urghhh... I must flee to a hospital!"

Sweet. The TM there is Sludge Bomb, which is appropriate considering this is the same house you get it in the normal games.

"She's staring out in to space, mumbling the word 'crabsticks' over and over again. It seems unlikely you'll get through to her."

Don't care.

Tough cookies, you stack of pixels shaped to look like an old man.

4. Thunder Cub, traded for the Spark Token in the Count's house in Fortree City.

: "Then... treasure it forever!"

Count Hex Maniac over here has the Thunder Cub, which is exactly what you think it is.

You really have to trek throughout the entire region to do this sidequest, damn.

"Your Thundercub was playfully chasing a butterfly when someone's Sparkly Pony passed by. I'm sorry to say that the Thundercub killed and ate it. Due to the incident, it seems to have grown up all of a sudden. Here, see for yourself!"

... There's so much edginess to this that I can't even put my finger on it.

5. Cat's Eye, obtained by visiting Fort Draco and entering the island's rightmost cave, the Endless Plains, and giving the cub to the Dragon. Come back later to learn it's eating a sparkly pony and becoming a Shinx. Remove the "Cat's Eye" from Shinx's possession.

Yeah, that's right. We get a cute little Shinx after it just brutally murdered and ate a Blitzle. Isn't that adorable?

6. Go to the Lilycove Sewers and find the girl who likes Shinx. Give her the Cat's Eye for the Pachi Sword.

The screenshots speak for themselves.

"... What? You want something in return? Take this, it's useless."

Why Don Patch? Oh right, Cutlerine had a massive hard on for Bobobo and felt emulating it was a good idea.

7. Take the Pachi Sword to Mt. Chimney and give it to Chikuwa vendor (aka. Don Patch) for a Hajike Bird.

Insert comment.

8. Bring the Hajike Bird to a Hiker on Route 134 for a Rydrake Wing.

I have no idea how you're supposed to figure this out on your own, but I guess that's why there's a wikia for Snakewood.

Yes, there is a wikia for this hack of all things.

9. Finally, bring the Rydrake Wing to the Meatfather in Rainy Cave (yeah the icy place) on Route 120 to summon from another dimension a level 60 Turmur.

Yeah, this sure is a thing. Apparently, the Rainy Cave where we got the Rain Dance TM is also the home of some mafia that works with frozen meat.

I literally cannot be bothered to care, but I'm happy to say that wild Sneasel are running around here.

Our final Broken Heart! We're finally finished collecting them!

... You're probably giving me a weird look like "What the fresh hell are you talking about, Dan? I thought there were fifty. And what's with the animation of Shulk pelvic thrusting?"

For one, the animation is there because

won't cut it. Secondly, I mean it when I say that's the last Broken Heart. There's not actually... fifty. There's only ten. No, really.

You'll see what I mean in a bit.

"When my friends have a problem, I am the one to whom they turn to have that problem solved. Oh? That massive bladed wing you carry on your back... The one that spans four or five meters... That's a Rydrake Wing, yes?"

goddamn, I didn't know we were carrying a Super Buster Sword

Meatfather: "That Rydrake Wing is not of this world... It has crossed our universe from another. We should send it back. Shall we do that?"

Okay, whatever. I don't know how this has anything to do with Turmur, but alright.

[Kyogre cry]

"Quickly, Jack! There's no time to explain, but ready yourself for battle! That thing is coming for us!"

: "Dude. I beat one that was level 80. I'm pretty sure this isn't a problem at all. Jeanne?"

: ("I'm on it.")

I was trying to capture it, but killing it is fine too.

: ("Might as well, anyway. It was far too ugly not to put out of its misery.")

Anyway, about the Broken Hearts? This is where you go to turn them in.

"Now, I have made it my mission to collect up and store the many hearts the zombies have broken in Hoenn."

That's quite the a morbid hobby.

Collector: "Oh! All of them... All 50 Broken Hearts."

... I want you guys to stare at this screenshot and read that sentence again, preferably multiple times, to let it sink in.

I actually had to do a double take to make sure I wasn't being gaslit, and even the save state for this moment was called "WHAT."

... I'm not complaining, since this means I don't have to go on a collectathon and play this game any longer than I have to.

(Was there seriously supposed to be 50 but he decided to cut it short at 10 due to time constraints or something? I don't get it.)

Next, you have to go to the Marine Science Museum in Slateport... for some reason.

Yes, collecting all of the Broken Hearts gives you Shaderu... Wait, didn't I explain this before? Oh, what the hell I'd explain it again anyway.

All of the "evil legendaries" have really low catch rates, which I guess is expected considering Jack kicked their asses into next Sunday.

This is another part of the Frigid Way I had neglected to show off before, seeing as I didn't have Strength before.

The Frigid Way is still one of my favorite dungeons in the entire game just because of how uncharacteristically pretty it is, especially for Snakewood's standards. I just love it.

Oh my god, what are these ugly things? Technically speaking, these are the replacements for the Regi Trio, who are only unlocked after you get Strength from Asimov. I said I would be covering everything so they count too.

Their sprites are horrendous and stupid looking. Not only that, they're all level 66 which I assume is some half-baked edge thing.

The Furi Trio are

(X),

(Q) and

(Z) respectively. Furi X is primarily a physical attacker, Z is the Stalemate Pokemon incarnate and Q is the most well-rounded. They're not that great, so I recommend you don't really waste your time looking for them. Or don't play Snakewood period.

I'm surprised this sign even had a message, let alone a message that's best suited to an Elder God's tongue.

Anyway, enough fooling around. It's time to go to the Art Museum and see that ending.

[This doesn't even deserve a serious song. Just put... uh... I dunno, this song: Jolly Ol' Spekkio]

: "Who are you?"

???: "I AM BARQESH! I AM A LIVING GOD!"

Arceus would like to ask you some questions.

: "You're that man the guys at the monastery worship! The one who doesn't look like a man!"

Barqesh: "I LOOK LIKE A MAN, PUNY MORTAL! NOW PREPARE TO DIE!"

Yes, like having another comic book villain in this game was necessary.

: [Jack claps his hands and puts up fisticuffs]

[Two flashes of light]

Barqesh: "Oh no! My arch-enemy, Professor Slocherbooten! I must flee!"

... Scratch that, calling you a comic book villain is too generous.

[Barqesh vanishes]

: "What?"

: "We have to leave!"

: "What?"

: "May and I are getting ready to ascend to a higher plane of existence, Jonathan Livingstone Seagull-style. Come close, and we'll tell you the secrets to your past--"

[They both vanish]

... Why did we rescue you two if you're just going to disappear? What's this "ascending to a higher plane of existence" garbage? I have too many questions that can't be answered.

Even in the darkest moments in the game, Jack is the only one that speaks any amount of sense.

: "Yo!"

: "What the hell is going on here?!"

: "It's me! Meteor's daughter, the psychic egg!"

: "What do you want?"

: "I have the resolution to the ongoing quest for your past! Straight from the Cutlerine himself!"

Oh, this is going to suck.

: "What?! Tell me!"

: "The truth is... Your past doesn't matter! This memory loss is a chance for a new start. Whatever your old life was... Whatever you had before... Whatever you were in that past life... It's gone. And it's never coming back. So just forget about the past, lose your purpose and get on with your life!"

: ("What does she even mean 'it's never coming back?' Didn't me and Jack meet because of the past or something?")

: ("Don't try to think about it too hard, Gauss.")

: "... What? I mean, WHAT?! What kind of ridiculous moral to the story is that? Come to think of it, what sort of ending is that?! Okay, I have to sort this out with the Cutlerine!"

Is that really a good id--

[Fade to black transition]

: "I see. That was a very enlightening talk. I'd never seen my world in that way before... This is all being made up as we go along, isn't it? There was no plan, no overarching plot... This is... what real life is. Confusing, stupid, maddening - and, when it comes down to it, without any discernable meaning... My god, I've discovered the truth about life... I guess all that remains for me to do is say... It's the end. Goodbye, Face in the Sky, It's been a blast. But... I don't need you anymore. I'm going to ascend..."

This is some of the worst pseudo-intellectual crap I've read in a while.

You can't act the way you did this entire game and expect me to just smile and take it while you spout off some nonsense about life. I don't know if he just got tired of writing a straightforward story and wanted to make himself look smarter than he actually was, but wow.

Future Dan: Honestly have to agree with you here. Pretentious 16 year old Cutlerine or not, it's still a huge cop out!

[Sonic 3 - Doomsday Zone]

... What? Guys, I'm not talking.

: "What?"

Me, apparently?: "No."

: "Hey, Sky-Face! You can't stop me!"

Me, apparently?: "Yes, I can - and I will. I'M the one playing the game, not you. I can do what I want, and I say you're going NOWHERE!"

This is going beyond pretentious and into "my god, what is wrong with you" territory. I can assure you that this is going a bit too far.

: "G-g-gah! Fine! I'll stay! But you remember - this means there's no resolution!"

Me, apparently?: "There's no resolution anyway. This is why I love this game - it's so fantastically stupid. Plus, the Cutlerine's a genius, and amazingly handsome. Did I mention how big of a genius he is?"

ENOUGH. You are not going to use me as a mouthpiece!

Damn! To think I tolerated your dumb ass this entire game with the hopes that you could potentially be a cool guy. You blew it.

This is how you know an edgy teenager wrote this.

: "Yes.... He is awe inspiring... [Sigh] Fine. Let's go do what you want to do, Sky-Face."

(

)

: "... Wait, what am I saying? Cutlerine has an ego the size of the sun. I'd sooner be dead than give someone like that praise. I don't care how often he possesses me, I'm not going to like him."

: ("What in the name of everything decent just happened?!")

: ("I... honestly don't know. I'm actually at a loss for words for once.")

: ("Whatever happened, though, it sure seems to have bothered Jack a lot.")

: ("... Hm? What's that?")

[A note materializes out of thin air and gently falls to the ground]

: ("A note?")

: "Huh? What's all this about?"

Note: "Jack, the real Sky-Face here. I didn't say any of that stuff. I'd be more than happy to let your journey end in a way that's far more appropriate, so don't let that get to you. You and the Crew deserve better than this."

: ("Apparently the person looking out for us is far more benevolent than we had expected.")

: ("Good thing, too. I was ready to become feral due to all of this.")

: "Wow... Alright. I feel a bit better knowing that they want things to be better for us. Let's go, guys."

This was another thing the people who played Snakewood (bless your hearts) couldn't really figure out on their own.

Basically, you're supposed to get a Pokemon that knows Explosion because you can't break the crate with the Arclight Spanner for some odd reason.

Say hello to Lunatone who exists only for blowing up this crate.

[Current audio in-game: Psychic encounter theme]

... Hello, blue-haired obvious reference man.

With a place like this, you'd imagine some real crazy stuff to happen here.

"It is uncertain where Mount Doom actually is, since it is only accessible through a rift in time that unexpectedly opened up in the Lilycove Museum's basement a year ago. However, it has swiftly become--"

Okay, long story short, this is where Luca Zamon goes to when we beat her. There's no point to the rest of the fluff because I've become completely disillusioned with this game.

Luca Zamon looks weird on the overworld.

She was actually very hard to catch, but I still got her anyway.

Well, that was nice and all but let's try leaving.

Huh? Beating/Capturing Luca Zamon somehow catches this guy's attention.

[He hops up to us]

"That shows fighting spirit."

: "Uh... what do you want, strangely-dressed manly looking hero?"

Definitely Kamina, who are we fooling: "You don't know my name? Who the hell do you think I am?! I'll show you who I am, and test your fighting spirit into the bargain!"

YEP. The final fight in the entire game, and it's with the actual Kamina of all people. I did not expect anything less.

I knew the Gurren Lagann references had to come full circle.

Also, he's level 100. This should be terrifying as he has ridiculous attack and good speed... but we still have this in the bag.

This is the second time Bellamine has been frozen, but it's not like that matters. She's going to beat up Kamina.

[Bellamine used Psychic!]

: "Damn straight."

Now Bellamine holds the title for the manliest hero. Yes, I know what I said.

"You can be an honorary member of Team Dai Gurren! Well, I'd better go."

[Kamina walks away for a second, only to face Jack]

Kamina: "Oh, and one more thing. Don't believe in yourself, Jack."

: "Eh? That's a pretty stupid thing to --"

Kamina: "Believe in the me who believes in you! ... Oh. It usually goes down better than that."

: "Just leave now, please."

kamina pls

Anyway, we may as well return to Fort Draco.

-

(

)

: ("... No. He's not the one.")

--

: "It's... sunset already. But it still feels like there's something else I have to do."

Oh, snap. What's does it look like?

... Uh.

Yes. This is technically the final legendary in the game, and it's some sort of plesiosaur monster. Tea Barqan here is a

/

type with some decent stats, even though we're literally at the end.

I don't think I went and caught him. Oh, well.

[Theme I would use for this final scene: Epilogue - To Good Friends]

In hindsight, this ending is more for the Crew and Jack more than it is for the actual game.

[Jack stares at the dusky ocean with the Crew]

: "We've got a lot of work to do rebuilding Hoenn, but for now I think we deserve a rest. "

[Ambes looks up at the stars]

: ("... We're the lucky ones, aren't we?")

: ("Before Senex attacked Hoenn, I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. When I saw everything coming apart, I was scared I couldn't do anything to help... or worse, end up becoming a zombie myself. Not to get too maudlin, but I felt worse than useless.")

: ("You're not alone there. We've lost so many people. Our original trainers, Jack's father... all because of the mad ambitions of some lunatic. I can't think about my first trainer's face without tearing up anymore.")

: ("There were parts where I felt like giving up, but I didn't because I couldn't bear letting any of you down.")

: ("I cherish all of you from the bottom of my heart - regardless of whatever circumstances might have brought us together, we're family.")

[Ambes chokes up]

: ("Dang, Miss Bellamine - you really got me with that one.")

: ("Likewise. There's no one else I trust more than you guys - especially you, Bellamine.")

: ("I'm just happy to have met a group as wholesome as you for once! Warms my heart to see y'all care for each other like this.")

: ("I'll admit... I wasn't sure how you and Jack were going to deal with things.")

: ("But after seeing you in action, I can't doubt you anymore. I'm glad you saved my siblings, but I'm especially thankful that you helped Ambes grow out of his shell! Now he's the strong Raichu he was always meant to be.")

: "No problem. All he needed was some encouragement, that's all - that applies to all of you too."

: ("Personally, I'm just glad all of that madness is over.")

: ("It really is all over, huh? So what do we do now?")

: "Living with dragons sounds like a cool idea."

: ("Can't argue with that.")

: "So... that's it. This adventure sure felt like a fever dream, didn't it? But hey... at least I met you guys. That's good enough for me."

[Jack and the crew gaze at the ocean]

Well, that's it. This has been an experience, guys. I've completed the game 100% (or close enough) and I can finally move on from it. My thoughts on Snakewood as a game will probably go up as a bonus chapter, but for now I'm completely done.

See you later and thanks for coming along for the ride.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Final team setup:

(Bellamine,

, Level 72,

) - "To think... We've grown so strong and come so far."

(Ambes,

, Level 63,

) - "Is it okay to get so emotional for no reason?"

(Jeanne,

, Level 64,

) - "Nah, you're fine. I'd be surprised if you DIDN'T get emotional at this, Ambes."

(Gauss,

, Level 67,

/

) - "Ha. Maybe after this we can go get something to eat? I'm starving!"

(Valor,

, Level 67, has Plus Band,

/

) - "I'd be down for that. What kind of food do dragons make?"

(Ballin,

, level 63,

/

) - "I'm glad I could help Jack at all. I mean, being a Qwilfish wasn't inspiring hope..."

(Ivory,

, Level ??,

/

) - "Aww, there, there. You're still a precious baby, Ambes."

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Back-up Team:

(Reggie,

, Level 61, has Leftovers,

/

) - "Break out de snacks and the spores! We did it!"

(Zagon,

, Level 63,

/

) - "... No thank you, Reggie. But yes. I'm glad this is all over too."

(Alice,

, level 62,

) - "Nya! I'm so proud of everybody for getting so far. You've all been excellent, nya!"

(Ace,

, Level 58, has Anadrin Talon,

/

) - "Same, babe. Although I'm surprised Bellamine took out the manly hero guy with Jeanne."

(Juno,

, Level 60,

/

) - "I may have only had one fight, but it was a damn good one. Thanks for bringing me along, Jack."

(Umbra,

, Level 62,

) - "I'm glad to see everybody's happy."

(Tohru,

, Level 60,

/

) - "They even captured Senex and everything... What a cruel twist of fate, hwahaha!"

(Pumbloom,

, level 56,

) - "I'M SO PROUD OF BALLIN!"

(Wagner,

, Level 57,

/

) - "I can't believe I was originally your enemy. If I had known this was going to happen..."

(Chloris,

, level 61,

/

) - "It's fine, Wagner. You're a pretty cool guy, you know."

(Beatrice,

, Level 50,

/

) - [is sending out an aroma to soothe everybody out of sheer happiness]

(Shine,

, level 33,

) - [Pounce-hugs Ambes]

(Spark,

, level 32,

) - [Pounce-hugs Ambes too]

(Alpha, level 55,

/

) - "... YOU'RE NOT ALL THAT BAD."

(Letro, level 50,

/

) - "IS THAT... CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT? AH, YOU INSTALLED A HEART, I SEE! YOU SHOULD HAVE HAD A BIT MORE FAITH IN THEM FROM THE BEGINNING! BZZT!"

(Menti,

, level 57,

/

) - "Hurray for Jack! Wait... I'm still a zombie... Oh well."

(Senex,

, level 90,

/

) - "This is so humiliating."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Portrait Credits:

Spoiler:

PMD Sprite Repository site: https://sprites.pmdcollab.org/

- Reggie (Paras & Parasect – Non-standard sprites are made by jackolanternjackalope. Parasect doesn't have any new portraits so he doesn't get a change.)

- Bellamine (Kirlia & Gardevoir – Non-standard sprites are made by JFain and Ichor)

- Alice (Skitty & Delcatty – Non-standard sprites are made by baronessfaron)

- Ace (Taillow & Swellow – Non-standard sprites are made by FunnyKecleonMeme and Caitemis)

- Tohru (Makuhita & Hariyama – Non-standard sprites are made by baronessfaron. Hariyama doesn't have any new portraits so he doesn't get a change.)

- Jeanne (Vulpix & Ninetales – Non-standard sprites are made by Meganai & baronessfaron)

- Umbra (Absol – Non-standard sprites are made by Emmuffin)

- Ambes's Raichu portraits were edited by my friend, The Composer.

- Zagon (Zigzagoon & Linoone – Non-standard sprites are made by DasK. Linoone doesn't have any new faces.)

- Chloris (Celebi – made by Leafia_Barrett and Murpi)

- Juno (Shuppet & Banette – Non-standard sprites are made by baronessfaron & Murpi)

- Shine & Spark (Pichu – Non-standard sprites are by C_Pariah)

- Cherry (Oddish & Bellossom – Non-standard sprites are by gromchurch, felis_licht and ShyQuietRain)

- Letro (Magnemite family – Non-standard sprites are Fearless-Quit, Emboarger and SirViolet. Magnezone doesn't have any variants.)

- Valor (Zangoose & Zangol – Non-standard sprites are made by Emmuffin. The Zangol recolor + Kamina Shades was made by me.)

- Helmaroc/Wagner (Aerodactyl – Non-standard sprites are made by Caitemis)

- Gauss (Toxicroak – Non-standard sprites are made by baronessfaron)

NON-PLAYABLE CHARACTERS:

- Meteor (Shiny version of Charizard – made by Adrian, SuperFabbioGuy and Murpi)

- Meteor's Daughter (Is an egg sprite made from scratch – made by Emboarger and ShyQuietRain)

- Nero (Is a Gallade sprite modified to look like the Shinigami in Snakewood - I did the Shinigami edit, while the base Gallade sprites were made by baronessfaron)

- Ivory (Raichu ghost edit – Original sprites are the Raichu edits my friend made, but edited to look more ghostly by me.)

- ??? (Yveltal – Non-standard sprites made by Emboarger)

- ??? (Xerneas – Non-standard sprites made by baronessfaron & anon)

 

[Rainbow Chara X]

The game may be over, but there's still bonus chapters to go.

[font=verdana, geneva, lucida, lucida grande, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]Bonus Chapter #1 - Final Team Set-Up[/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida, lucida grande, arial, helvetica, sans-serif][/font]

[Listen to this while you read through: Let's Dance, Boys]

Basically, I'm going to go through members of the Crew and analyze them more in depth.

Active Crew -

Spoiler:

#1: Bellamine

• Species: Gardevoir
• Gender: Female
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 72
• Type:
  
• Ability: Synchronize (Passes on status condtions to enemies)
• Held Item: Sand Cloak (Decreases enemy accuracy - makes Bellamine look cool)
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 213
  • Attack- 128
  • Defense - 134
  • Sp. Attack - 239 (!!)
  • Sp. Defense - 166
  • Speed- 154
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Psychic
  • Move 2 - Calm Mind
  • Move 3 - Teleport
  • Move 4 – Shock Wave
• Theme song: Illusionary World (Final Fantasy IV - normal) / Heartache (Undertale - battle)
• Idea/Name origin: Original concept
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: N/A
• Met at: Brought into the world of Snakewood as a Level 3 Kirlia via gameshark.
• Overall analysis:
  • Despite having a rough start with the prevalence of Dark types and strong-at-the-time zombies, Bellamine effectively hit her stride when she became a Gardevoir. Her raw power boosted with Calm Mind made mincemeat of everything in the game even if it resists Psychic, and her surprising durability to things like Earthquake made her even more valuable.
  • To top it off, I really like how I made her into Jack's overprotective second mom. She's always there to protect him, which is supported by the fact that she's the only member of the Crew that hasn't left the active team since the game started. I am so glad I hacked her in, because it was exactly what Snakewood deserved.

#2: Ambes

• Species: Raichu
• Gender: Male
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 63
• Type:
  
• Ability: Static (Occasionally paralyzes an opponent on contact)
• Held Item: Electric Honey (Increases the strength of Electric moves)
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 213
  • Attack- 144
  • Defense - 96
  • Sp. Attack - 136
  • Sp. Defense - 110
  • Speed- 166
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Thunderbolt
  • Move 2 - Flash
  • Move 3 - Ice Punch
  • Move 4 – Thunder Wave
• Theme song: Dark Cloud Main Theme
• Idea/Name origin: Original concept. Ambes comes from the organic gemstone of the same name.
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: N/A
• Met at: Petalburg Woods at level 6
• Overall analysis:
  • Ambes is squishy, fast, and packs a punch (I'm sorry). He's not really that powerful compared to the others and can't really take a hit, but he makes up for it with style and by being good support. I really have my friend to thank for making his portraits, because I'm positive I couldn't have had Ambes evolve into a Raichu if she didn't.
  • Ambes is closer to a straight-out hero than other members of the Crew thanks to his incredible determination and bravery. (Him beating up Zapdos despite being ten levels lower is probably the best example of this - I'm serious, I was amazed that even happened at all) I guess it helps that he's one of the nicest people in the entire team.

#3: Jeanne

• Species: Ninetales
• Gender: Female
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 64
• Type:
  
• Ability: Flash Fire (Absorbs the enemy's Fire moves and powers up your own)
• Held Item: None
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 182
  • Attack- 133
  • Defense - 131
  • Sp. Attack - 137
  • Sp. Defense - 145
  • Speed- 161
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Fire Pump (Flamethrower)
  • Move 2 - Will O' Wisp
  • Move 3 - Confuse Ray
  • Move 4 – Sunny Day
• Theme song: Red and Black (Bayonetta)
• Idea/Name origin: Is based off of the rival from Bayonetta
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: Here. In fact, have another.
• Met at: Route 117 at level 14.
• Overall analysis:
  • Jeanne is another member of the team I could never do without. The Confuse Ray and Will O' Wisp combo got me through many awful situations in the game and the Sunny Day boost helped out a lot if I wanted to pile on the damage. I loved writing out her parts because of how sharp and sassy she wound up being, which has to be a boon for people reading who get bored of me just going through screenshot to screenshot killing mooks.
  • I'm positive Jeanne's shining moment was when she sweeped through the three Diamandix in the Abandoned Mine, who I'm pretty sure were intended to be nigh-invincible roadblocks. I'm serious, Haydunn got to that point and gave up because of how ridiculous that fight was.

#4: Gauss

• Species: Toxicroak
• Gender: Male
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 67
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Ability: Limber (Prevents being paralyzed)
• Held Item: None
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 202
  • Attack- 177
  • Defense - 112
  • Sp. Attack - 126
  • Sp. Defense - 106
  • Speed- 125
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Bright Idea
  • Move 2 - Poison Slash
  • Move 3 - Sludge Bomb
  • Move 4 – Flatter
• Theme song: Rottytops (Shantae and the Pirate's Curse)
• Idea/Name origin: Original concept
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: N/A
• Met at: Handed to us by Dr. Blackthorn in the Abandoned Mine.
• Overall analysis:
  • Gauss never got to fight, ironically, despite being listed on the active team. Due to his late game newcomer status, I was about to not do anything with him until the game said he was Jack's first Pokemon. The decision to personalize Gauss came after I had already made the screenshots for the final chapter, but what the hell. How could I say no to fighting frog? Besides, he's a chill guy.

#5: Valor

• Species: Zangol
• Gender: Male
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 67
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Ability: Immunity (Prevents being poisoned)
• Held Item: Plus Band (Increases the strength of Normal moves - also used to make Valor look cool)
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 206
  • Attack- 194
  • Defense - 104
  • Sp. Attack - 110
  • Sp. Defense - 130
  • Speed- 153
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Slash
  • Move 2 - Shadow Swipe
  • Move 3 - Brick Break
  • Move 4 – Iron Slam
• Theme song: [Sword of Justice] Battle (Shin Megami Tensei 2)
• Idea/Name origin: Is based off of the angel Valor from Bayonetta 2
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: Here.
• Met at: Route 114 at level 35.
• Overall analysis:
  • Valor only really had one job - that is, beating the absolute piss out of everything. His amazing strength and his varied moveset tears everything apart, plus the Kamina influence of Zangol adds to the charm (in my opinion, at least). Zangoose needed to get some respect, so I just had to put this guy in.

#6: Ballin

• Species: Qwilshark
• Gender: Male
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 61
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Ability: Poison Point (Occasionally poisons an enemy on contact)
• Held Item: Soma (Increases the strength of Water moves)
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 187
  • Attack- 165
  • Defense - 127
  • Sp. Attack - 123
  • Sp. Defense - 108
  • Speed- 153
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Dive
  • Move 2 - Surf
  • Move 3 - Storm Surge (Hydro Pump)
  • Move 4 – Poison Slash
• Theme song: Green Scream (Darkstalkers 3)
• Idea/Name origin: Based off of Ballon from Haydunn's Nuzlocke of Snakewood. Fun fact, Ballon was a girl.
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: N/A
• Met at: Route 105 at level 14.
• Overall analysis:
  • Ballin was someone I honestly didn't expect following me to the end of the game. Sure, I needed a Surf guy, but Ballin? It's cool though, because Qwilshark is pretty cool. Sure, he may have mismatched stats due to Water being Special, but as long as he can ferry Jack around everywhere I'm not complaining.

#7: Ivory

• Species: Raichu (ghost)
• Gender: Female
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: ?? (Actually 80)
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Ability: Lightning Rod (Absorbs Electric moves to boost Special Attack)
• Held Item: None
• Final Stats: Since Ivory wasn't even an actual in-game character, stats don't count for her. Just assume she was like Ambes but stronger.
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - ???
  • Move 2 - ???
  • Move 3 - ???
  • Move 4 – ???
• Theme song: Ngaah! (Undertale)
• Idea/Name origin: Original concept. Her name is also based off of an organic gemstone to compliment Ambes... on top of being based off of a certain character from Undertale.
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: Here.
• Met at: At the Necropolis
• Overall analysis:
  • Ivory was a hell of a last minute addition. I was building up that Ambes had an even older sister for a while but I forgot about her until the very end. She doesn't get to fight so her stats are moot, but I like to think that if she was capable of fighting, she'd be a stronger Ambes due to how I present her personality.
  • I was originally going to make Ivory much more somber, but given where Snakewood was going, I figured "nah" and made her a "incredibly rough but honest/responsible older sister" character instead. In hindsight, it was for the better.

Back-up Crew -

Spoiler:

#8: Reggie

• Species: Parasect
• Gender: Male
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 61
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Ability: For some strange reason I can't hope to comprehend, Reggie has no ability.
• Held Item: Leftovers (Gradually restores a small amount of HP per turn)
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 182
  • Attack- 171
  • Defense - 144
  • Sp. Attack - 93
  • Sp. Defense - 135
  • Speed- 77
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Cut
  • Move 2 - Stun Spore
  • Move 3 - Poison Powder
  • Move 4 – Leech Life
• Theme song: White Waking (Used in Space Funeral)
• Idea/Name origin: Based off of Reginald from Haydunn's Snakewood Nuzlocke, but... Rastafarian. Yes, I know, how do I do it.
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: N/A
• Met: Is one of the three starter choices at Littleroot Town
• Overall analysis:
  • Man, Reggie just could not catch up with everybody else. Paras was the worst choice out of the starters and it shows, given how Reggie could barely stand up to anything and nearly got slaughtered in every fight. He got some moments of glory here and there (the best being when he dealt with Ab Horse Man - I mean, Vigourlan), but things sort of grew out of control as the game progressed.
  • He became a background character in a sense and just sat around getting toasted off of his own spores, which in reality might be preferable to getting gored by some undead abomination.

#9: Zagon

• Species: Dragoone
• Gender: Female
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 62
• Type:
  
• Ability: Bulletproof (Blocks critical hits...?)
• Held Item: None
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 189
  • Attack- 143
  • Defense - 82
  • Sp. Attack - 112
  • Sp. Defense - 206
  • Speed- 117
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Headbutt
  • Move 2 - Surf
  • Move 3 - Fire Pump
  • Move 4 – Dig
• Theme song:
  Green Scream (Darkstalkers 3)
• Idea/Name origin: It was something I made off the top of my head
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: N/A
• Met at: Route 102 at level 3.
• Overall analysis:
  • Zagon served her job well as a professional surfboard and headbutt maniac. Unfortunately, she sort of lost relevance when Ballin did her job but better. Dragoone's insanely high base Special Defense is nice and all, but it was a case of "too little, too late" for me.

#10: Alice

• Species: Delcatty
• Gender: Female
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 62
• Type:
  
• Ability: Cute Charm (Occasionally infatuates opponents on contact)
• Held Item: Oran Berry (Heals HP by 10)
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 171
  • Attack- 98
  • Defense - 96
  • Sp. Attack - 65
  • Sp. Defense - 76
  • Speed- 112
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Double-Edge
  • Move 2 - Doubleslap
  • Move 3 - Faint Attack
  • Move 4 – Attract
• Theme song: Catus Carnival (Blazblue)
• Idea/Name origin: I just made it up off of the top of my head
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: N/A
• Met at: Route 102 at level 4.
• Overall analysis:
  • Alice will forever be remembered for seducing a headless Houndour and then re-murdering him in cold blood. Despite all of the fun I could mine out of Alice being a maneater, she got hit hard with the "can't catch up" disease. Poor girl. At the very least she got to evolve with the others.

#11: Ace

• Species: Swellow
• Gender: Male
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 58
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Ability: Guts (Boosts Attack if afflicted by Burn, Paralyze, etc.)
• Held Item: Anadrin Talon (Increases the strength of Flying moves)
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 149
  • Attack- 124
  • Defense - 80
  • Sp. Attack - 68
  • Sp. Defense - 70
  • Speed- 176
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Fly
  • Move 2 - Aerial Ace
  • Move 3 - Focus Energy
  • Move 4 – Quick Attack
• Theme song: Comona (Ace Combat 4: Shattered Skies)
• Idea/Name origin: I just made it up off of the top of my head.
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: N/A
• Met at: Route 104 at level 5.
• Overall analysis:
  • Ace is interesting. See, while everybody else on the active team was becoming more and more powerful, Ace was still able to stand his ground for a bit and stay relevant. His usefulness in combat dwindled, but he found a new purpose as the team's flyboy even if there's some areas we can't go over thanks to some arbitrary limitation.
  • I'm personally amazed that he was able to take out a Kenchukuo despite how teeth-grindingly infuriating they are.

#12: Umbra

• Species: Absol
• Gender: Male
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 62
• Type:
  
• Ability: Pressure (Raises opponent's PP usage to 2 PP per move)
• Held Item: None
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 171
  • Attack- 202 (!!)
  • Defense - 86
  • Sp. Attack - 101
  • Sp. Defense - 77
  • Speed- 109
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Shadow Ball
  • Move 2 - Swords Dance
  • Move 3 - Cut
  • Move 4 – Rock Smash
• Theme song: Riku (Kingdom Hearts II)
• Idea/Name origin: Original concept
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: N/A
• Met at: Route 120 at level 36
• Overall analysis:
  • Hot damn, look at that Attack stat! That's even more than Valor! If Umbra was able to Mega Evolve, he definitely would have had a permanent spot on the team. That, and well... to be honest, I sort of wanted Umbra to be like that aloof guy that turns out to be really sweet. You know the ones.

#13: Juno

• Species: Banette
• Gender: Female
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 60
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Ability: Insomnia (Prevents being put to sleep)
• Held Item: None
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 149
  • Attack- 148
  • Defense - 76
  • Sp. Attack - 107
  • Sp. Defense - 95
  • Speed- 92
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Curse
  • Move 2 - Shadow Ball
  • Move 3 - Will O' Wisp
  • Move 4 – Skullbreaker
• Theme song: Spooks of Halloween Town (Kingdom Hearts)
• Idea/Name origin: Original concept mixed in with some Mashiro Kuna from Bleach.
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: Here.
• Met at: Mt. Pyre at level 38
• Overall analysis:
  • Juno was a one-scene wonder too, thanks to her super sentai-esque beatdown on Zombie Norman's team... but believe me when I say that if I had Juno earlier, I would have cheesed through a lot of the game.
  • She's a very easy counter to Pokemon like Gorelax and has an even greater Will O' Wisp strategy than Jeanne thanks to Curse sapping away 25% of the enemy's HP per turn on top of Burn and raw physical damage. I also really like Banettes.

#14: Tohru

• Species: Hariyama
• Gender: Male
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 60
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Ability: Guts (Boosts Attack if afflicted by Burn, Paralyze, etc.)
• Held Item: None
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 265
  • Attack- 182
  • Defense - 94
  • Sp. Attack - 74
  • Sp. Defense - 95
  • Speed- 87
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Surf
  • Move 2 - Fake Out
  • Move 3 - Arm Thrust
  • Move 4 – Rock Smash
• Theme song: Fuuma Stage (World Heroes SNES)
• Idea/Name origin: Is based off of the character from Jackie Chan Adventures
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: Here.
• Met at: Solar Caverns at level 13
• Overall analysis:
  • Long before Valor came around, Tohru served as the muscle of the team and is still the big "uncle" character. He's built like a tank and hits like one too, but surprisingly Fake Out was his most useful asset due to the STAB-boosted priority flinch.
  • It helps that even while Valor took his spot, Tohru is still meatier and could probably win if the two clash.

#15: Pumbloom

• Species: Exploud
• Gender: Male
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 56
• Type:
  
• Ability: Soundproof (Is immune to sound-based attacks)
• Held Item: None
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 199
  • Attack- 119
  • Defense - 82
  • Sp. Attack - 125
  • Sp. Defense - 90
  • Speed- 92
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Pound
  • Move 2 - Jump Kick
  • Move 3 - Astonish
  • Move 4 – Hyper Beam
• Theme song: Never really decided on one
• Idea/Name origin: Is named after the obvious Game Grumps reference
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: Look at it here.
• Met at: Rusturf Tunnel at level 14
• Overall analysis:
  • Pumbloom only existed on the team because he was an extended reference to a Game Grumps thing. He sort of grew into his own thing, which was primarily "Ballin's shy friend". Poor guy never got to really be important.

#16: Helmaroc/Wagner

• Species: Aerodactyl
• Gender: Male
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 57
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Ability: Rock Head (Prevents recoil damage)
• Held Item: None
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 158
  • Attack- 136
  • Defense - 93
  • Sp. Attack - 90
  • Sp. Defense - 83
  • Speed- 169
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Take Down
  • Move 2 - Supersonic
  • Move 3 - Ancient Power
  • Move 4 – Scary Face
• Theme song: Never really decided on one
• Idea/Name origin: Was originally named after Helmaroc from the Legend of Zelda. When his name changed to Wagner, it referenced the dragon of the same name.
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: Helmaroc. Wagner.
• Met at: Fought in Famine's Desert at level 40
• Overall analysis:
  • All of the one-scene wonders have some sort of quality to them that make up for their performance in battle. Wagner helped take down Veracity's Ho-oh without much of a fight, but the more interesting stuff is how... well, I hate the story of Snakewood but still.
  • Wagner was supposed to be one of those old villains who gradually changed their perspective about the heroes as time passed. Notice how he changed sides and almost immediately became loyal to Jack when he saw how well he handled the team throughout the chapters.
  • By the end, he completely gave up on Senex and formed a sort of odd friendship with Chloris. I dunno, the progression isn't immediately noticable as some of the other team members but I like it.

#17: Benedict/Chloris

• Species: Hyperegg -> Celebi
• Gender: Female
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 61
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Ability: Natural Cure (Recovers status ailments upon switching out)
• Held Item: None
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 203
  • Attack- 147
  • Defense - 134
  • Sp. Attack - 122
  • Sp. Defense - 144
  • Speed- 159
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Leech Life
  • Move 2 - Softboiled
  • Move 3 - Eruption
  • Move 4 – Egg Bomb
• Theme song: Minish Village (The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap)
• Idea/Name origin: Original concept, but the name comes from a nature nymph in Greek Mythology
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: N/A
• Met at: Given to us by Prof. Birch and hatched at Route 104
• Overall analysis:
  • Man, Chloris is serious wasted potential. I hyped up the Hyperegg family to be like these super OP Fakemon, yet when Chloris actually evolved into a Celebi... she sorta never got her chance to shine. The bad moveset from Hyperegg carried over, and she evolved at a really bad time. Oh well, at least she's cute.

#18: Beatrice

• Species: Roselia
• Gender: Female
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 50
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Ability: Natural Cure (Recovers status ailments upon switching out)
• Held Item: None
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 119
  • Attack- 72
  • Defense - 63
  • Sp. Attack - 110
  • Sp. Defense - 107
  • Speed- 76
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Mega Drain
  • Move 2 - Giga Drain
  • Move 3 - Poison Sting
  • Move 4 – Stun Spore
• Theme song: Commander Yammark stage (Megaman X6)
• Idea/Name origin: Original concept
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: N/A
• Met at: Route 117 at level 14
• Overall analysis:
  • As I said in the actual let's play: If Beatrice could evolve into Roserade, she would have had a permanent spot on the team. Alas, being stuck as only Roselia hampered her usefulness by a lot.
  • To rub salt in the wound, I don't think Beatrice even did anything aside from beat up a wild Hombone... Oh well. Again, at least she's cute.

#19/20: Shine & Spark

• Species: Pichu
• Gender: Female (Shine) / Male (Spark)
• Portrait:
  
  (Shine) /
  
  (Spark)
• Level during the finale: 33 / 32
• Type:
  
• Ability: Static (Occasionally paralyzes on contact)
• Held Item: None
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 62 / 59
  • Attack- 39 / 35
  • Defense - 25 / 17
  • Sp. Attack - 34 for both
  • Sp. Defense - 37 / 34
  • Speed- 43 / 47
• Moves (shared):
  • Move 1 - Charm
  • Move 2 - Tail Whip
  • Move 3 - Thunder Wave
  • Move 4 – Sweet Kiss
• Theme song:
  Catus Carnival (Blazblue)
• Idea/Name origin: Original concept made up for the let's play. Their names are based off of the Shinespark from Metroid.
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: Here's what the Shinespark in Super Metroid looks like.
• Met at: I gamesharked Pokemon encounters so they would appear on Route 110 at level 12.
• Overall analysis:
  • Shine and Spark were just there to be cute and be emotional support for Ambes. Technically, Ivory died trying to get them away from the zombies and that's why she's a ghost... which in another context would be kind of sad.
  • In Snakewood, though, it just gets drowned out by all of the stupidity Cutlerine lays around the game.

#21: Alpha

• Species: X32763 Camera
• Gender: Male programming
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 55
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Ability: Levitate (Is immune to Ground attacks)
• Held Item: None
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 188
  • Attack- 139
  • Defense - 126
  • Sp. Attack - 130
  • Sp. Defense - 71
  • Speed- 101
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Hyper Beam
  • Move 2 - Discharge (Thunder)
  • Move 3 - Iron Slam
  • Move 4 – Data Stream (Electric attack - sends a "virus file" into the opponent. Has priority and 100/100 power and accuracy)
• Theme song: Shadow Devil (Megaman X5)
• Idea/Name origin: When I came up with the name, I thought of the final boss of Megaman Battle Network 3.
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: Here.
• Met at: Captured in the basement of the Film University at level 50.
• Overall analysis:
  • When it came to Alpha's personality, I was sort of backing on the whole "killer robot" thing that the game built up to. As time passed, he became less and less of a dick until he was erased/brought back in the ending.
  • Now he's not a killer robot so much as he is a tsundere one. When it comes to combat, Alpha had the chance to become really beastly with Data Stream and the ground immunity... but Ambes already took his spot. Can't win 'em all.

#22: Letro

• Species: Magnezone
• Gender: Male programming
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 50
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Ability: Sturdy (Prevents 1-hit KO moves from affecting the opponent. This is before Gen 5 made it a pure "survive a deadly attack with 1 HP" deal, so it's virtually useless here.)
• Held Item: None
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 143
  • Attack- 83
  • Defense - 128
  • Sp. Attack - 132
  • Sp. Defense - 102
  • Speed- 74
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Spark
  • Move 2 - Thunder Wave
  • Move 3 - Thundershock
  • Move 4 – Supersonic
• Theme song: Opening Stage (Megaman X1)
• Idea/Name origin: Letro comes from removing the E and C from electro.
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: N/A
• Met at: S.S Cangrejo at level 15
• Overall analysis:
  • Letro is strange. His utility in-game was to fix the elevator in the S.S Cangrejo and before Alpha came along, he was the team's radar for horrible things ahead. When Alpha came along, it started off as a giant morality clash... but slowly descended into a "two guys who always bicker about stuff" sort of deal until they just straight up wound up liking each other.
  • I don't think Letro ever really got into a fight too, so there's that. Man, there's so many guys in the Crew who never got to do anything.

#23: Menti

• Species: Zombified Azumarill
• Gender: Female
• Portrait:
  
• Level during the finale: 57
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Ability: Huge Power (Doubles attack, if I'm not mistaken)
• Held Item: None
• Final Stats:
  • HP- 207
  • Attack- 105
  • Defense - 120
  • Sp. Attack - 82
  • Sp. Defense - 119
  • Speed- 85
• Moves:
  • Move 1 - Rollout
  • Move 2 - Boilingwater (A much weaker version of Scald?)
  • Move 3 - Double-Edge
  • Move 4 – Rain Dance
• Theme song: Never really thought of one
• Idea/Name origin: I read through some deviantart comic where a dude has a zombified Lilligant for some reason, and I figured having something like that would be cool.
  • If applicable, what does said inspiration look like: Here... oh wait, he deleted it off of his deviantart. Good thing I saved it.
• Met at: Route 120 at level 37
• Overall analysis:
  • Menti is the Ill Girl trope incarnate. All she wanted was to be with the other crew members, yet got stuck in the second box. At least she cheered up at the end when she became an Azumarill... Now that I'm looking at these stats, though, Menti had the capacity to be a real bruiser.
  • If the Physical/Special split was in effect and if Menti had a good Water attack, she would have completely wrecked house with that 210 Attack.
• To compare, even Umbra only had 202. Although, I'm not sure if it completely doubles your attack or just increases it by a lot. Still, she could have been really good... if she were in the right generation.

Welp, that's all of the Crew. See you next time for more bonus chapters.

 

[Rainbow Chara X]

Now let's take a look at all of these horrible Fakemon our favorite creatures from one of the worst best games ever made.

[font=verdana, geneva, lucida, lucida grande, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]Bonus Chapter #2 - Fakemon Encyclopedia[/font]
[font=verdana, geneva, lucida, lucida grande, arial, helvetica, sans-serif][/font]

A / S - Outstanding

B - Good

C - Average

D - Below par

F – Unacceptable

E / SSS – Non-applicable / Joke

Some oddities:

Lickitung is replaced with a bigger version of the Meteor/Dragon Trainer sprite with solid red eyes for some reason. Despite not being obtainable, Shinigami, Stitcher and Miasmar have altered backsprites (In the case of Shinigami and Stitcher, it's literally their front sprite repurposed as a back sprite).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fakemons #1-30:

Spoiler:

#1: Vivosaur Family

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Venusaur Family
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: No (as in, replaces a slot of an existing Pokemon)
• Fakemon Type: Zombie
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Evolution Line: Boilbasaur -> Shrivelsaur -> Vivosaur
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Durathror (If female) / Vile (If male)
• Miscellaneous: None.
• Theme song I would give them?: Splatterhouse 2 – Bloodpuppets Battle
• My score of them overall: C
  • Reason: In terms of design, the Vivosaur Family is just a color swap with empty black eyes and some blood. They're not that scary or hard to deal with, especially if you have a good Psychic, Flying or Fire type.

#2: Dragon Family

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Charizard Family
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: No.
• Fakemon Type: Zombie
• Type:
  
  (Rotmander & Charmeworm) /
  
  (Dragon)
• Evolution Line: Rotmander -> Charmeworm -> Dragon
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Shenron
• Miscellaneous: Dragon has almost the same color palette as Rotmander despite not being a zombie. Dragon is also not counted as a zombie as they are in Meteor's service... despite looking nothing like the rest of their species.
• Theme song I would give them?: None
• My score of them overall: C
  • Reason: Although Charmeworm is cool looking, they're not that interesting aside from that. They were also major pains to deal with as they usually wound up being just strong enough to be an issue but not enough to be an actual threat.
  • Dragon in particular knows moves such as Flamethrower (named Fire Pump) among others that can ruin your day.

#3: Bleedtoise Family

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Blastoise Family
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: No.
• Fakemon Type: Zombie
• Type:
  
• Evolution Line: Oozle -> Entrailtle -> Bleedtoise
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Cagnazzo
• Miscellaneous: I hate these puns. That and I don't think we ever saw a Bleedtoise in this entire game, funnily enough.
• Theme song I would give them?: Splatterhouse 2 – Bellyache Boss Battle
• My score of them overall: C
  • Reason: I seriously question this. Aren't zombies weak to water? Or does that only just apply to human corpses? Then again, the family's called Bleedtoise so they might be shooting something much worse now.
  • That aside, I think they're… alright but they shouldn't be that hard to deal with if you have an Electric type or vice versa. I don't like how the coloring is inconsistent between the evolutions – Oozle is the biggest offender of this because it straight up looks like caramel to me.

#4: Shinigami

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Gallade
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Caterpie (I muk you not.)
• Fakemon Type: Zombie (... not really, but he's with their group, so)
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Louis
• Miscellaneous: Despite clearly being a ghostly Gallade, it is not Ghost type. This bugs me.
• Theme song I would give them?: Megaman X5 – Sigma 1st
• My score of it overall: S
  • Reason: Shinigami is probably one of the best looking Fakemon in the entire hack. I refuse to believe Cutlerine was the one who designed this badass. Not only that, I'm actually really fond of Gallade in general, so if I could get one I would definitely have a spot for him. If you try to hack one into your team, though, they're pretty much going to act like Caterpie (it doesn't have an edited menu sprite and his back sprite is just his front sprite but just re-used).

#5: Stitcher

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Lati Duo
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Metapod
• Fakemon Type: Zombie
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Janus (Male head) / Schala (Female head)
• Miscellaneous: Due to this being a combination of both Latios (always male) and Latias (always female), it has no definite gender.
• Theme song I would give them?: Megaman X5 – Sigma 1st
• My score of them overall: A
  • Reason: This idea is so ingenious that I'm amazed Cutlerine even put it in. It's the same deal with Shinigami. Stitcher is such a cool design too due to it being both Latis put together. However, if you have a good special tank and Calm Mind then they're no threat at all.

#6: Antispiral

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Another Gurren Lagann reference
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Butterfree
• Fakemon Type: Pallate swap
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: I probably won't.
• Miscellaneous: I find it strange that despite being the "evil" version of Zangol, it's still the same typing.
• Theme song I would give them?: None
• My score of it overall: C
  • Reason: I'm not quite sure what to make about Antispiral. It's the same type and the same basic design as Zangol, so it's just a pallate swap. I know it's a reference to Gurren Lagann to fit Zangol being Kamina, but I'm not really… that interested in it?

#7: "Ute" Family

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Original concept...?
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Weedle, Kakuna & Beedrill
• Fakemon Type: Fakemon
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Nothing serious.
• Miscellaneous: I have no idea where these are in the game. Not that it matters, given how useless they are.
• Theme song I would give them?: None
• My score of them overall: F
  • Reason: What the hell even are these things? Given how they never appeared in the game proper (or are horribly obscure), I just have to assume they were made as a joke. They have horrible stats and equally impressive sprites, so make of them what you will. I swear to god though, if they're a reference to the Noot Noot penguin, I'm slapping da muk out of Cutlerine.

#8: Fungasu

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Telefang monster
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Pidgey
• Fakemon Type: Ripped from another game
• Type:
  
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Nothing
• Miscellaneous: When you catch any Telefang monster, their Pokedex entry just says "Error 623 – Creature is not a Pokemon". I thought that would be worth a mention.
• Theme song I would give them?: Digimon World Dusk – Battle 3
• My score of it overall: C
  • Reason: Fungasu is easily the most deceptive monster in the entire game. It looks like a bulky and slow
    
    type, yet is a fast and strong
    
    type armed with Speed Boost of all things. Despite this, they shouldn't be hard to deal with even if you don't know their typing.

#9: Nigera

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Telefang monster
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Pidgeotto
• Fakemon Type: Ripped from another game
• Type:
  
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Nothing, really
• Miscellaneous: None.
• Theme song I would give them?: Digimon World Dusk – Battle 3
• My score of it overall: C
  • Reason: While from a design standpoint this thing is kind of funky looking, its stats are tremendous. It's far more powerful than Fungasu or any of the other Denjuu, which I find kind of strange. I guess the Water typing comes from the fact it's like a… sea urchin thing?

#10: Goosuboa

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Telefang monster
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Pidgeot
• Fakemon Type: Ripped from another game
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Nothing
• Miscellaneous: Since it is Ghost / Dark, it has no weaknesses.
• Theme song I would give them?: Digimon World Dusk – Battle 3
• My score of it overall: C
  • Reason: It's an evil ghost warthog. Design aside, it's not that much better than its Telefang companions when it comes to stats.

#11: Ramshaker Family

• Appearance:
  
  
• Based on: Original concept
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Rattata (Ramshaker), Salamence (Calfby)
• Fakemon Type: Fakemon
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Evolution Line:
  • Calfby -> Tauros (Atk > Def)
  • Calfby -> Miltank (Def > Atk)
  • Calfby -> Ramshaker (Atk = Def)
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Minos
• Miscellaneous: None.
• Theme song I would give them?: Chrono Trigger - Boss Battle 2
• My score of it overall: C
  • Reason: I hate this thing. It may not have the best spritework, but it's a bit easy to forget about that when this thing is crushing your bones with psychic powers. It has balanced stats all around except for Special Defense which is super high. It's also a bit unreasonable to get a Ramshaker considering Attack and Defense need to be equal.

#12: Sevicious

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Evolution of Seviper
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Ekans
• Fakemon Type: Evolution of existing Pokemon
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Evolution Line: Seviper -> Sevicious (Level 55)
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Inspired
• Miscellaneous: None.
• Theme song I would give them?: Kingdom Hearts - The Deep End
• My score of it overall: B
  • Reason: I'm really digging this evolution design. It looks badass and honestly the name always gets to me. Sevicious are also pretty strong, and the Dark typing makes them unreasonable to fight with Psychics. I know I was definitely caught off guard the first time I sent Bellamine at one.

#13: Zangol

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Evolution of Zangoose + Kamina
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Arbok
• Fakemon Type: Evolution of existing Pokemon
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Evolution Line: Zangoose -> Zangol (Level 55)
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Valor
• Miscellaneous: None.
• Theme song I would give them?: Valor has his own, thanks.
• My score of it overall: A
  • Reason: Zangol is the manliest goddamn Pokemon this side of Gallade and Machamp. It even says so on their Pokedex entry. The design is as badass as Shinigami and the Gurren Lagann influence helps quite a bit. Plus it gives Zangoose some much needed respect.

#14: A Monster

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Frankenstein's Monster, obviously
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Venomoth
• Fakemon Type: Zombie
• Type:
  
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Chimera
• Miscellaneous: Despite being a mash-up of various Pokemon of varying genders, it's still counted as male or female. Interesting. It also has a Pokedex entry despite never actually being obtainable. The pure
  
  typing makes it so that it has no weaknesses period.
• Theme song I would give them?: Mother 3 - Wasteful Anthem
• My score of it overall: B
  • Reason: By far one of the strangest and most gruesome Fakemon in this hack but also one of the most interesting. It's said to be a mash-up of 11 different Pokemon, and it shows. It has ridiculously high stats and there's only one in the entire game, making it one of the most unique (if completely senseless) Fakemon. Also, where did the Kyogre part come from? The fact that Rayquaza's dead all of a sudden doesn't help.

#15: Gigawolf

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: It's literally Zoroark.
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Diglett
• Fakemon Type: Evolution of existing Pokemon
• Type:
  
• Evolution Line: Poochyena -> Mightyena -> Gigawolf (Max Happiness)
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Beowulf
• Miscellaneous: None.
• Theme song I would give them?: I don't know, really.
• My score of it overall: B
  • Reason: I love the Zoroark family in general. The fact they're in this game is pretty rad, even if they shouldn't be called Gigawolf. Although how Mighyena evolves into another existing Pokemon is beyond me. I mean, this hack was made in 2010 - Black and White weren't even released to the states yet.
  • Seriously, I need to know why he called it Gigawolf while everybody else has accurate names. Was it because of one of the movies that came out before the games?

#16: Galactimon

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Evolution of Solrock/Lunatone
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Dugtrio
• Fakemon Type: Evolution of existing Pokemon
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Evolution Line:
  • Solrock + Moon Stone -> Galactimon
  • Lunatone + Moon Stone -> Galactimon
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Cosmos
• Miscellaneous: None.
• Theme song I would give them?: Kirby and the Amazing Mirror – Dark Mind
• My score of it overall: B
  • Reason: There's a lot of love going around for the Pokemon that don't get that much recognition in the real games. Galactimon has some pretty well-rounded stats and it honestly reminds me of a certain Kirby final boss.

#17: Rotting

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Slaking
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Mankey
• Fakemon Type: Zombie
• Type:
  
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Nothing
• Miscellaneous: Rotting and Gorelax are the only Zombie Pokemon that don't replace their living counterparts.
• Theme song I would give them?: Splatterhouse 3 – Cannibal Boss
• My score of it overall: B
  • Reason: Jesus Christ, look at this guy. He got messed up something fierce. Since they're a zombified version of Slaking, they have all of the same stats but doesn't have Truant. That's just a disaster waiting to happen. It's a disgusting edit and all, but I definitely question how the headless zombies even function.

#18: Poliwraith Family

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Yeah, you know.
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: No.
• Fakemon Type: Zombie
• Type:
  
• Evolution Line: Polihag -> Poliworm -> Poliwraith
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Bloop
• Miscellaneous: None.
• Theme song I would give them?: Splatterhouse 2 – Bellyache Boss Battle
• My score of it overall: C
  • Reason: I don't even know what to say. They're just evil pallate swaps much like the other weaker zombies. A good Electric or Psychic type should be able to take them out easily.

#19: Kuriputo

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Telefang monster
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Bellsprout
• Fakemon Type: Ripped from another game
• Type:
  
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Sandslash (ho ho)
• Miscellaneous: None.
• Theme song I would give them?: Digimon World Dusk – Battle 3
• My score of it overall: C
  • Reason: Kuriputo is Grass despite its very Sandslash-looking appearance. It has some good attack and defense, but it's not that hard to get rid of. Just don't get tripped up by how it looks.

#20: Roodanse

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Telefang monster
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Weepinbell
• Fakemon Type: Ripped from another game
• Type:
  
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Cyclone
• Miscellaneous: None.
• Theme song I would give them?: Digimon World Dusk – Battle 3
• My score of it overall: C
  • Reason: It's an evil tornado monster. It has good Attack and a god-like Speed stat coupled with Speed Boost, but it's not very sturdy. An Electric type should be able to take it out no problem.

#21: Ooshe

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Telefang monster
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Victrebell
• Fakemon Type: Ripped from another game
• Type:
  
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Curry
• Miscellaneous: None.
• Theme song I would give them?: Digimon World Dusk – Battle 3
• My score of it overall: C
  • Reason: Ooshe is some kind of armadillo creature. The perspective on it makes it look really weird, but trust me when I say that it is a four-legged animal. It's got some good, balanced stats but not that remarkable otherwise.

#22: Qwilshark

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Evolution of Qwilfish
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Tentacruel
• Fakemon Type: Evolution of an existing Pokemon
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Evolution Line: Qwilfish -> Qwilshark (Level 33)
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Ballin'
• Miscellaneous: None.
• Theme song I would give them?: Green Scream - Darkstalkers 3
• My score of it overall: B
  • Reason: Qwilfish has always been one of those Pokemon that I just forgot existed. To see it get this badass evolution definitely improved it in my eyes. Qwilshark has great Attack and Speed, and is said to be a rival to Gyarados. Not quite sure how a pufferfish evolved into a sea serpent shark, but I still love it. Despite this, however, Qwilshark's offense is held back a bit when you realize that Water is Special in Gen 3, with Qwilshark being primarily physical fighters...

#23: Dragoone

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Evolution of Linoone
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Farfetch'd
• Fakemon Type: Evolution of an existing Pokemon
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Evolution Line: Zigzagoon -> Linoone -> Dragoone (Level 41)
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Zagon
• Miscellaneous: None.
• Theme song I would give them?: Green Scream - Darkstalkers 3
• My score of it overall: B
  • Reason: Dragoone was pretty unexpected. On top of getting the Dragon type, it has a monstrous 178 (!!) Special Defense! Dragoone could weather more deadly Special Attacks than Blissey, and is much stronger to boot. A shame that all it can learn are HMs and that it looks like a Rayquaza reskin.

#24: Yuck Family

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Muk Family
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: No.
• Fakemon Type: Zombie
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Evolution Line: Moulder -> Yuck (Level 38)
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Master Belch
• Miscellaneous: Is one of the two obtainable zombies in the game.
• Theme song I would give them?: Splatterhouse 2 – The Sewer
• My score of it overall: B
  • Reason: That's absolutely disgusting, but I love it. Moulder is bleh, but Yuck is a bit more than a palette swap cause it's actually eating a person. Even when Moulder evolves it still gets a person inside. It's weird.

#25: Roclobster

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: The Rock Lobster song, of course.
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Kanghaskhan
• Fakemon Type: Fakemon
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: B-52
• Miscellaneous: You can find it in the divable spot at Dewford. You also need the Hard Disk Solo it has to proceed to Gym Island.
• Theme song I would give them?: The obvious.
• My score of it overall: C
  • Reason: While not that interesting sprite-wise, Roclobster is a beast. It's practically a Legendary due to its insanely high stats. It'd probably be a good idea to use it, but don't expect much out of it with how insanely difficult the postgame is. In fact, don't play the game period.

#26: Vigourlan

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Evolution of Vigoroth
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Mr. Mime
• Fakemon Type: Evolution of an existing Pokemon
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Evolution Line:
  • Slakoth -> Vigoroth -> Vigourlan (Level 36 / Random chance)
  • Slakoth -> Vigoroth -> Slaking (Level 36 / High personality)
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Aaron
• Miscellaneous: I have no idea what "high personality" even means.
• Theme song I would give them?: None
• My score of it overall: C
  • Reason: Oh dear god, it's Ab Horse Man. I do not see Vigoroth evolving into this horrible furry trash thing at all. It has a pretty insane Special Attack stat along with Speed but awful defenses. If you brought a good Bug or Dark type, they will destroy this guy.

#27: Reaper Family

• Appearance:
  
  
• Based on: Scyther Family
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: No.
• Fakemon Type: Zombie
• Type:
  
  /
  
  (Grim Reaper) -
  
  /
  
  (Iron Reaper)
• Evolution Line: Grim Reaper -> Iron Reaper
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Zepar
• Miscellaneous: None.
• Theme song I would give them?: Splatterhouse 2 – The Gatehouse
• My score of it overall: B
  • Reason: I've always liked Scizor. While Scyther's edited sprite is really barfy looking, Scizor's pallate as Iron Reaper actually looks pretty good. Too bad a good Fire attack could kill them in an instant.

#28: Eye-Eye

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Jynx
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: No.
• Fakemon Type: Zombie
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Franken
• Miscellaneous: None.
• Theme song I would give them?: Splatterhouse 2 – Bloodpuppets Battle
• My score of it overall: C
  • Reason:Aside from the absolutely hideous sprite, Eye-Eye is a pain to fight no matter when they appear if you don't have a Fire type. The sprite is just … Why does she have a face growing out of her chest?

#29: Electabugs

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Electabuzz
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: No.
• Fakemon Type: Zombie
• Type:
  
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Parker
• Miscellaneous: None.
• Theme song I would give them?: Splatterhouse 2 – Bellyache Boss Battle
• My score of it overall: B
  • Reason: It's a pure black Electabuzz. It's less "scary" and more "badass". Electabugs can absolutely destroy your team if you're unprepared, because they hit really hard with the STAB-boosted Thunder Punches.

#30: Miasmar

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Magmar
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: No.
• Fakemon Type: Zombie
• Type:
  
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Forge
• Miscellaneous: It actually has an edited backsprite, even if it is just a messy recoloration. Still, I'm surprised it was even changed.
• Theme song I would give them?: Splatterhouse 2 – Bellyache Boss Battle
• My score of it overall: B
  • Reason: Miasmar, for a pallate swap, looks pretty awesome. I love blue fire, and to be honest the pun with this one isn't even that bad.
  • Curious as to what the backsprite was for. Were we going to be able to use more zombie Pokemon than just Moulder and Graveill? That would have been awesome.

Fakemons #31-60:

Spoiler:

#31: Gorelax

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Snorlax
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: No.
• Fakemon Type: Zombie
• Type:
  
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Chestburster
• Miscellaneous: Gorelax and Rotting are the only Pokemon that have living counterparts.
• Theme song I would give them?: Splatterhouse 3 – Cannibal Boss
• My score of it overall: B
  • Reason: Oh dear god. Poor bastard… I like the idea though. Gorelax is every bit as bulky as normal Snorlax, so bring a Fighting type / stallbreaker like Juno or Jeanne.

#32: Mutagon

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Mewtwo
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: No.
• Fakemon Type: Pallate Swap
• Type:
  
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Nothing
• Miscellaneous: I have no idea what Mutagon is about.
• Theme song I would give them?: None
• My score of it overall: D
  • Reason: It's Mewtwo with a darker color. Moving on...

#33: Mewby

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Mew
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: No.
• Fakemon Type: Pallate Swap
• Type:
  
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Nothing
• Miscellaneous: None.
• Theme song I would give them?: None
• My score of it overall: D
  • Reason: It's just a shiny Mew with funky eyes… which I think is a reference to Dragon Ball GT. God damn it, Cutlerine!

#34: Kamina

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: The Gurren Lagann character
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Togepi
• Fakemon Type: Ripped from an anime
• Type:
  
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: HIS OWN NAME.
• Miscellaneous: The only way to fight Kamina is to go to Mount Doom, which involves having a Pokemon that knows Explosion and catching Luca Zamon. Kamina also has back-sprites, a menu sprite and a shiny pallate (green hair) despite never being catchable.
• Theme song I would give him?: If you expected anything else, then I don't know what to say.
• My score of him overall: SSS (actually A)
  • Reason: HIS DRILL SHALL PIERCE THE HEAVENS – HE IS THE MANLIEST HERO IN THE WORLD -- (cough).
  • Seriously though, Kamina is strong. The only was I was able to even beat him back at the finale was due to him being dumb enough to use the elemental punches (Ice/Thunder Punch) instead of Earthquake, which I can assure you would have killed Bellamine in two hits.

#35: Azombarill Family

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Azumarill family
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: No.
• Fakemon Type: Zombie
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Evolution Line: Graveill -> Azombarill (Lv. 18)
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Menti
• Miscellaneous: Is one of the two obtainable zombies in the game.
• Theme song I would give them?: Splatterhouse 2 – Bloodpuppets Battle
• My score of it overall: B
  • Reason: To see the normally cute Marill family turned into this is kinda sad. But that aside, they're pretty badass by virtue of Azumarill being a hard hitting tank.
  • Well, in Gen 6 at the very least.
  • How they turned from blue and white to orange and black will always mystify me.

#36: Madio Family (excluding Kingmadio)

• Appearance:
  
  
  
  
• Based on: Original concept
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Too many to count
• Fakemon Type: Fakemon
• Type:
  
  (all Madios are part Ghost) /
  
  (Earthmadio),
  
  (Bonemadio),
  
  (Crazymadio),
  
  (Seamadio),
  
  (Burst/Blastmadio),
  
  (Treemadio),
  
  (Aeromadio),
  
  (Normadio)
• Evolution Line: Burstmadio -> Blastmadio (Fire Stone)
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: No, thank you.
• Miscellaneous: Burstmadio is the only one that can evolve. It is also a reference to a Yugioh monster. Crazymadio is Jumpluff. No, seriously.
• Theme song I would give them?: None
• My score of them overall: D
  • Reason: The Madios are the Fakemon, aside from Hombone, that make Snakewood look bad. They're all pitifully weak (aside from Blastmadio and even then he's not that great) and their sprites are practically no-effort bland.
  • Admittedly, the elemental aspect of it is neat. If you ever see a Madio in the wild, though, just get rid of it. It's not worth your time unless you're some hoarder.
  • I assume Blastmadio is supposed to be a reference to a Yugioh monster, but I can't say for sure.

#37: Zombified

• Appearance: Unedited Politoed sprite
• Based on: ???
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Politoed
• Fakemon Type: N/A
• Type: N/A
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Nothing
• Miscellaneous: None.
• Theme song I would give them?: Nothing
• My score of it overall: E
  • Reason: Zombified is Politoed but completely unedited. I'm positive it was supposed to be a zombie version of Politoed but Cutlerine didn't get to put it in.

#38: Toxeon & Demoneon

• Appearance: Unedited Espeon and Umbreon
• Based on: ???
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: No.
• Fakemon Type: Zombie
• Type:
  
  (Toxeon) /
  
  (Demoneon)
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Nothing
• Miscellaneous: None.
• Theme song I would give them?: None
• My score of it overall: E
  • Reason: The same thing with these two. Toxeon and Demoneon were apparently supposed to be different Eeveelutions but Cutlerine didn't touch much regarding them either. Toxeon is in fact Poison type while Demoneon is Ghost type – Their stats are completely swapped, with Demoneon having 130 Sp. Atk and Toxeon having 130 Attack.

#39: Dirtkrow

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Murkrow
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: No.
• Fakemon Type: Zombie
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Gilder
• Miscellaneous: None.
• Theme song I would give them?: None
• My score of it overall: C
  • Reason: Dirtkrow is pretty average but I like his gold design. Early on though, he can rip you apart if you don't have a Pikachu. I don't understand the naming for this one - why is he called Dirtkrow when he's a petty jewelry thief with a gold design? I don't get it.
  • For that matter, how is he zombie-like? The only part of them that could qualify is their missing wing, but that's... not a lot.

#40: Diamandix

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Evolution of Steelix
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Dunsparce
• Fakemon Type: Evolution of an existing Pokemon
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Evolution Line: Onix -> Steelix -> Diamandix (Max Beauty)
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Diamond (yeah whatever)
• Miscellaneous: It effectively only has two weaknesses -
  
  and
  
  , which were considered physical before Gen IV.
• Theme song I would give them?: None
• My score of it overall: C
  • Reason: Diamandix is the kind of evolution that Steelix didn't quite need. The completely impenetrable physical defense (remember, it has 255 base defense!), coupled with no Special weaknesses made it too much of a hassle to get rid of with old-fashioned brawling.
  • There is also no way to get a Diamandix legitimately in-game as none of the Pokeblock machines work, which leads me to believe that it only exists to grind your progress in the postgame to a screeching halt. I don't like it, really.

#41: Radiorange Family

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Original concept...?
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Snubbull and Granbull
• Fakemon Type: Fakemon
• Type:
  
  (Cinderco),
  
  /
  
  (Radiorange)
• Evolution Line: Cinderco -> Radiorange (If given Leaf Stone???)
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Alex
• Miscellaneous: None.
• Theme song I would give them?: Nothing
• My score of it overall: B
  • Reason: Cinderco is pretty cute if bland, but Radiorange wins me over because it's literally a Voltorb orange that's Fire/Dark. It's so goddamn stupid that I just can't help but laugh. In terms of actual battle though, Radiorange has Chandelure-level special attack along with a signature Dark move called Crazy Bolt… so watch out?

#42: Telson

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Qwilfish
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: No.
• Fakemon Type: Pallate Swap
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Nothing
• Miscellaneous: None.
• Theme song I would give them?: None
• My score of it overall: D
  • Reason: Telson is essentially what happened to the real Qwilfish state. It has the same moveset and stats of Tentacool-Qwilfish, but it has some major things holding it back. It can't evolve into Qwilshark and aside from its different pallate and name, it doesn't stand out from the crowd at all. It's pretty bad.

#43: Maw

• Appearance: Unedited Sneasel sprite
• Based on: Mawile?
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Sneasel
• Fakemon Type: N/A
• Type: N/A
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Nothing
• Miscellaneous: None.
• Theme song I would give them?: None
• My score of it overall: E
  • Reason: Also, this is what happened to the real Sneasel slot. Sneasel replaced Mawile (for some odd reason) while leaving the actual slot for Sneasel the same. It doesn't even look like Cutlerine got through the naming process before just quitting and moving onto something else. For shame. Mawile is one of my favorite Pokemon.

#44: Chocwork

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: A Clockwork Orange + Radiorange???
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Ursaring
• Fakemon Type: Fakemon
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Alex
• Miscellaneous: None.
• Theme song I would give them?: Nothing
• My score of it overall: C
  • Reason: The sprite is very ech due to it just being Radiorange with a machine eye. The reference is out of nowhere too, but it has monster Attack and Defense. So I guess things balance out..? Nah, probably not.

#45: Headdoom Family

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Houndoom Family
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: No.
• Fakemon Type: Zombie
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Evolution Line: Houndsour -> Headdoom
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Baskerville
• Miscellaneous: None.
• Theme song I would give them?: Splatterhouse 2 – The Gatehouse
• My score of it overall: C
  • Reason: These are probably the worst because the joke is that they have no heads. This one's a big missed opportunity because Cutlerine could have made them like Cerberus creatures or something. That would have been kickass.
  • Not only that, it pokes a giant hole into the plot because it's not consistent. How can these guys be just fine without heads while the other zombies crumble to dust or are physically incapable of hurting Jack after they lose a Pokemon battle? Are human zombies just not better than Pokemon zombies? I don't know.

#46: Scar Lugia

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Lugia
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: No.
• Fakemon Type: Zombie
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Irene
• Miscellaneous: None.
• Theme song I would give them?: Splatterhouse 2 – Escape from the Void
• My score of it overall: A
  • Reason: This one is probably one of the better "zombies." The color scheme is cool and the name is badass. Although I would be wary about fighting this thing as it is still a legendary. How a Lugia got turned into a zombie I'll never know, but at this point I honestly don't care.

#47: Skylax

• Appearance:
  
  (Munchlax and Snorlax included)
• Based on: Snorlax Family
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Lotad (Munchlax), Lombre (Snorlax) and Ludicolo (Skylax)
• Fakemon Type: Evolution of an existing Pokemon
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Evolution Line: Munchlax -> Snorlax -> Skylax (If given a Sun Stone)
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Sky Yddet
• Miscellaneous: The only way to get Munchlax is to trade Faceleech for it, which is a complicated ordeal in of itself as you have to do the Turmur sidequest to begin with.
• Theme song I would give them?: Earthbound Beginnings - Battle with a Flippant Foe
• My score of it overall: B
  • Reason: Skylax replaced the Ludicolo family, which isn't cool. But this is still pretty funny. I'm pretty sure Skylax is a reference to a certain enemy from Mother 1 (now known as Earthbound Beginnings) so I just had to name it after said enemy.
  • It has an absolutely massive Health and Speed stat, and the only thing it's lacking is Special Attack and Defense. This thing is overpowered!

#48: Hyperegg Family

• Appearance:
  
  (Secret, Hyper and Kaijilanth look the same)
• Based on: Bad Egg glitch from Gen 3
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Delibird (Mysteryegg), Nincada (Hyperegg), Ninjask (Secretegg), Shedinja (Kaijilanth)
• Fakemon Type: Fakemon
• Type:
  
  (Secret & Hyper),
  
  /
  
  (Mysteryegg)
• Evolution Line:
  • Mysteryegg -> Secretegg -> Hyperegg (Level 43)
  • Hyperegg -> Unown (Moon Stone)
  • Hyperegg -> Suicune, Raikou or Entei (Water, Thunder and Fire Stones)
  • Hyperegg -> Celebi (Leaf Stone)
  • Kaijilanth (Have an empty slot in your party while... I don't know, actually.)
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Benedict (Egg) / Chloris (Celebi)
• Miscellaneous: Birch gives you one at the beginning of the game. I'm sure it's the only one in the entire hack, so don't release it under any circumstance for the love of god.
• Theme song I would give them?: None
• My score of it overall: B
  • Reason: Paltry aesthetics aside, the Hyperegg family consists of probably the most complex Fakemon in the entire hack. The fact it's pretty much Bad Egg but made real is just a bonus.
  • See, Hyperegg can evolve into five different Pokemon despite already having gone through two previous stages. Even if you don't evolve Hyperegg, it's practically one of the most destructive Pokemon out there as it can heal itself easily and tank through most damage. Hence why turning Chloris into a Celebi was sort of a bad idea in hindsight.
  • There's also Kaijilanth which I assume is the Shedinja of this line. I don't know if the mechanics changed, but they're there if you want them.

#49: X32763 Camera

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Original concept
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Azurill
• Fakemon Type: Fakemon
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Alpha
• Miscellaneous: None.
• Theme song I would give them?: Megaman X5 - Rangda Bangda W
• My score of it overall: A
  • Reason: I really like this one. See, it's a hyper-advanced camera that people made to replace cameramen but went rogue and started killing people. It's also cool because it's like a man-made Pokemon which is definitely plausible.
  • In terms of stats, it's practically a more monstrous Magnezone with high health, attack, defense, special attack and a completely broken signature move (100/100 Power and Accuracy that also goes first) but still pretty bad speed and special defense.
  • It has Levitate, so the only thing it's weak to is Fighting and Fire. Catch it if you can, because it might be really good.

#50: Kingmadio

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Original concept
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Swalot
• Fakemon Type: Fakemon
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: I'd rather not.
• Miscellaneous: Kingmadio can only be found on… M-Mirage Island?! Really, Cutlerine?
• Theme song I would give them?: Mother 3 - Dry Guys
• My score of it overall: F
  • Reason: This is probably the worst Fakemon I've ever seen. See, Kingmadio is a Dark/Ghost type with Wonder Guard. That sounds great… on paper.
  • Having to actually fight this thing is nothing but a waste of time because it's immune to everything but status effects and Struggle. It has 1 for every base stat except for speed, which is maxed out at 255… Meaningless, considering that it can't do anything to harm you aside from Toxic and Night Shade. (The former move being illegal for it to learn as it can't learn from any TMs)
  • It's nothing but a giant wall and Cutlerine is a massive troll for putting it in.

#51: Hombeast Family

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Original concept
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Numel and Camerupt
• Fakemon Type: Fakemon
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Evolution Line: Hombone -> Hombeast
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Nothing
• Miscellaneous: None.
• Theme song I would give them?: Mother 3 - Mischievous Blues
• My score of it overall: D
  • Reason: Hombone and Hombeast are probably the second-worst Fakemon in the game. The design is boring (Hombeast got a tinier claw! That somehow means it evolved?) and they're probably the easiest Pokemon to take out in the game.
  • I wouldn't be bothered by Hombone as much if they weren't goddamn everywhere in this game. It's almost like Cutlerine wanted you to use one but the only thing they have going for them is an admittedly-not-that -bad Attack stat. Other than that, they're completely unremarkable.

#52: Kenchukuo Family

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Original concept
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Cacnea and Cacturne.
• Fakemon Type: Fakemon
• Type:
  
  /
  
  (Kenchira),
  
  /
  
  (Kenchukuo)
• Evolution Line: Kenchira -> Kenchukuo (Level 48)
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: I'd rather not.
• Miscellaneous: None.
• Theme song I would give them?: None
• My score of it overall: C
  • Reason: The Kenchukuo family has some of the most out-there designs in Snakewood that don't seem to come from anything. It's a disgusting mish-mash of so many things. It's a samurai birdman but it just doesn't work for me.
  • As for stats, Kenchukuo is Attack and Speed incarnate but has pitiful special attack (It's 16!). Don't mess around with a Kenchukuo because they can absolutely ruin your day. I still have nightmares.

#53: Psypig

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Grumpig...?
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Bagon
• Fakemon Type: Fakemon
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Nothing
• Miscellaneous: None.
• Theme song I would give them?: Earthbound - Battle against an Unsettling Opponent
• My score of it overall: C
  • Reason: Psypig is a strange case. It looks like Grumpig, but it has no association with them nor does it evolve into anything. I honestly don't know what the point of it is.
    It has amazing Special Attack and Defense, but it shouldn't be that hard to get rid of if you have a good Water (Qwilshark) or Dark (Gigawolf) type, the former of which are incredibly common in the new Hoenn.

#54: Furi Trio

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Original concept
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Regi Trio
• Fakemon Type: Fakemon
• Type:
  
  (X) /
  
  (Z) /
  
  (Q)
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: I'd rather not.
• Miscellaneous: The Furis are all guarded behind different Strength puzzles, which effectively makes them useless as the game's already over by then.
• Theme song I would give them?: Nothing, really
• My score of it overall: D
  • Reason: These sprites are awful. That aside, they're nothing special even for legendaries. Furi X has a psyduckton of Attack, okay HP and 100 Def/Sp.Def. If you can get past this guy's awful speed, then go ahead.
  • Furi Z is the worst as he has no attacking power (1 in Attack and Sp. Attack) but has a metric ton of Health, Defense and Sp. Defense. He is pretty much the Stalemate Fakemon as he can tank through every threat in the game with little effort and that's not fun.
  • Furi Q is the most balanced of the three but that's not saying much as it has 100 base HP, 120 Attack and that's about it. You're not missing anything with these guys.

#55: Luca Zamon

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Original concept
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Latias
• Fakemon Type: Fakemon
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give her: Nothing
• Miscellaneous: None.
• Theme song I would give them?: Splatterhouse 2 – Bloodpuppets Battle
• My score of her overall: B
  • Reason: Luca Zamon is a Fakemon that could benefit from more added to her design. Despite that, she's one of the few Dragon/Ice types I've ever seen and her stats aren't half bad. She's described as the god of destruction, which I can't really take with a lot of merit considering a few smacks to the jaw could kill her.

#56: Tea Barqan

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Original concept
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Latios
• Fakemon Type: Fakemon
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give him: Nothing
• Miscellaneous: You find him at the top of Fort Draco's Tower when you catch Luca Zamon.
• Theme song I would give them?: None
• My score of it overall: B
  • Reason: He has some decent stats and looks kind of cute. That and he's supposed to be the "Peace-Keeping Pokemon". It was described as making even Genghis Khan stop one of his bloody campaigns, which is pretty insane. His actual presence in the game itself is practically non-existent because he appears right at the end, though.

#57: Turmur

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Original concept
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Kyogre
• Fakemon Type: Fakemon
• Type:
  
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give it: Toad
• Miscellaneous: I'd go over the Turmur sidequest again, but naaaah.
• Theme song I would give them?: Earthbound - Battle against an Unsettling Opponent
• My score of it overall: C
  • Reason: What the hell am I looking at? An evil Mario Toad? Turmur's design makes it hard to take seriously. To be frank, the only reason this thing exists is to breed Faceleech and for Senex to drive you insane. The quest chain it takes to get Turmur is also a bit cumbersome, due to how many steps there are. I should mention that Senex is 14 feet tall, so what the hell?
  • It has impressive stats barring speed, which is a pitiful 20. If you can be bothered to do the chain quest, then go ahead.
  • The chain quest itself is another giant reference to Bobobo, which is like "wow Cutlerine was a giant weeb."

#58: Senex

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Original concept
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Rayquaza
• Fakemon Type: Karate grandpa
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Yveltal(as a giant one-fingered salute)
• Miscellaneous: None.
• Theme song I would give them?: ... I don't know, actually. Megalovania was more for Bellamine slaughtering his team than anything else.
• My score of it overall: S
  • Reason: Being the main antagonist of Snakewood and the reason there was a zombie apocalypse at all adds to the catharsis factor when you finally cram him into a Pokeball and make him your eternal slave. His sprite is pretty snazzy and his stats are impressive to say the least.

#59: Shaderu

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Original concept
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Jirachi
• Fakemon Type: Fakemon
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Nothing
• Miscellaneous: To meet Shaderu for real, you have to collect all 10 Broken Hearts.
• Theme song I would give them?: Earthbound - Giygas's Intimidation
• My score of it overall: A
  • Reason: Shaderu, despite looking like a black Gastly with a Haunter claw, is honestly kind of disturbing.
  • Its shadowy body is powered by the souls of unborn children, which is just... hitting a bit too far? That aside, it has 100 in every stat except for Attack and Special Defense which are 160. That's outrageous.

#60: Faceleech

• Appearance:
  
• Based on: Original concept
• Replaces Pokemon from actual games: Deoxys
• Fakemon Type: Fakemon
• Type:
  
  /
  
• Evolution Line: N/A
• Nickname I would give a member of this family: Ripper
• Miscellaneous: The only way to get Faceleech is to breed Turmur. Poor Ditto, Christ.
• Theme song I would give them?: Splatterhouse 2 – The Gatehouse
• My score of it overall: B
  • Reason: Faceleech is honestly one of those Fakemon that is meant to scare a beginner. It has 255 Speed and excellent attack - but when you get a good enough team or a priority move, it's immediately obsolete. It has a creepy design and looks like a Deoxys-ified Remoraid, but it's actually the spawn of Turmur… which makes no sense.

Sinnoh / Unova Pokemon:

Spoiler:

1. Magnezone (Evolves from Magneton with Thunder Stone)

2. Munchlax (Replaces Lotad – obtained from trading Faceleech, which in turn requires breeding from Turmur)

3. Shinx and its evolutions (Replaces Electrike, Manectric and Plusle – to get Shinx you need the Cat's Eye item, which is part of the Turmur chain quest)

4. Weavile (Replaces Minun – Sneasel appear in the Frigid Way and the Rainy Cave, and you can evolve them to Weavile with max happiness)

5. Toxicroak (Replaces Chimecho – obtained via the plot progression)

6. Spiritomb (Replaces Shelgon – obtained via the Sewer/Abandoned Ship sidequest)
7. Zoroark, as Gigawolf (Replaces Diglett – evolve Mightyena to max Happiness)

8. Emolga (Replaces Groudon hahahah – obtained from that one dude in the Film University)

9. Bouffalant (Replaces Gulpin – apparently they're on route 121)

10. Blitzle and Zebstrika (Replaces Sentret and Furret - Give the Sparkly Pony item to the person inside of the Endless Plains room in Fort Draco, which becomes a Blitzle)

11. Basculin (Red Stripe) – (Evolves from Luvdisc when given a Water Stone)
12. Drilbur and Excadrill (Replaces Porygon and Porygon2)

... Wow. There goes the meat of all of the work I had to do. The next chapters are going to be smooth sailing, because putting the first two together took a surprising amount of time to do. Thankfully, the true end should be coming soon enough.

See you guys for the next bonus chapter.

 

[Rainbow Chara X]

This came packaged with the rom hack and I'm going to tear into it like a starved rat.

[font=verdana, geneva, lucida, lucida grande, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]Bonus Chapter #3 - ... A Cast Interview?[/font]
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Spoiler:

[Just have this playing in the background: It's Showtime]

I'm just gonna be sitting here commentating.

Our reporter, Belinda Latchley, visited Angel Laboratories in order to interview various members of the cast and backstage crew of Pokémon Snakewood, a hack of Ruby that looks set to make it big on its release. Firstly, she caught up with the game's two player characters, Wraith and Jericho, played by brother-and-sister acting pair Damien and Rebecca Colostomy.

Oh my god, his name was Wraith this entire time. Imagine how much less seriously I would have taken this game if I didn't call him Jack instead. Also, I was right when I said Angel Laboratories was one of the dev groups that worked on this hack.

Belinda: First of all, let me just say how thrilled I am to be here. It's a very new experience for me, the game interview scene.

Aren't you a fictional character?

Damien: It's new for us too, Belinda. This is the first game we've ever got a lead part in – and that means the first game we've ever been interviewed about.

You poor bastard.

Belinda: What's it like, during the creation process? Not just for Snakewood, but in general?

Rebecca: Well, I wouldn't know about in general, since I've only played bit characters before – but it's been great. In this game, I – or Damien – get a full speaking part, with loads of great dialogue. There's also a lot of winning and beating people up, which is incredibly fun to stage.

Oh please. The main character's dialogue degenerated a lot as time passed. The only reason I even liked the main character was due to the beginning dialogue where they actually showed some common sense.

Damien: And it is staged well. There are a couple of scenes where we get beaten up or knocked out, and making those was amazing. I mean, it's so well done that we don't feel anything, but it looks just like we were punched in the face or whatever.

This is a bit confusing. So Snakewood's supposed to be a play of some sort? I'm pretty sure everything that happened to Jack was real.

Belinda: I see. Well, what has it been like to work with the Cutlerine? I understand that this is the first time you've worked with him.

Damien: I don't really know. He's mostly stayed with the scripters, the spriters and that, directing the cameras and stuff like that. I only really remember meeting him once or twice, but when I did he seemed really friendly, and incredibly witty.

Just... Yeah, if the postgame of Snakewood is anything to go by, then he sure is "friendly" alright. I know he might have changed as time passed, but damn that ending was horrendous beyond description.

Rebecca: Yeah, he created the entire story – and it's so full of references it's amazing. How can one person have wasted so much time absorbing so much useless knowledge? I met him more times than Damien – he liked me more, because apparently my design and sprites were less difficult to index successfully – and he came across as the most brilliant genius the world has ever seen.

Cutlerine saw references as the ultimate source of humor in this hack. The references aren't clever or interesting, nor do they fit with the story he was trying to make; so whenever he pops one in, it feels staggeringly out of place. It is useless knowledge because instead of trying to be clever on his own merit, it just winds up being stupid.

Also, that's some A+++ ego stroking right there. The arrogance is so tangible that I almost choked on it.

Belinda: Right. Thanks, Damien, Rebecca, I'll let you get on now. Next up, I'll be speaking to Manfred Verticaño, the chief cameraman working on Snakewood. Good afternoon, Manfred.

Manfred: Hello, Belinda.

Aren't you that hobo with the depression beard that got lost in the Lilycove Sewers?
Belinda: What can you tell us about the experience of filming Snakewood?

Manfred: Well, this is the third game I've worked on so far, so I had quite a bit of experience to bring to the table. The Cutlerine asked me to head the camera department after we'd both imbibed a little too freely of the cup that cheers, if you catch my drift, down in Club Rocket, where we met a rather extraordinary—

... What? Did this dude get drunk or something?

Belinda: Excuse me, but what are you talking about?

^ Talks sense

Manfred: ...couldn't have had fewer than eight legs...

Belinda: Manfred?

Manfred: ... and ended up with an earring the size of a pipistrelle!

... A pipistrelle is a species of bat. Cutlerine, you can't fool me with these fancy words.

Belinda: ... Thank you, Manfred. Have a nice day.

I love how the reporter is just like "okay i'm done" with this dude.

Manfred: Oh, was that it? That was easy!

Belinda: Yes... Next, I'm speaking to Harrison Morrison, the best boy. Harrison?

Harrison: Right here, Belinda.

I have no idea who this guy is.

Belinda: Now, could you please tell our viewers – what exactly does the best boy do?

Harrison: If only someone could answer that for me, Belinda. I've been asking myself the same damn question for forty years.

I swear to god if this is another reference I'm going to deck him in the face. Also, the best boy is a term for a manager of a film – they're in charge of hiring people, lighting, etc.

Belinda: ...OK. Do you have anything else to say?

Harrison: I don't know! For the love of God, stop taunting me!

You know, given the context of Cutlerine and Snakewood, it's pretty obvious why Harrison is so deranged. His co-owner is so insufferable it made him like this.

[CRASHING SOUNDS]

Belinda: Um... See you – Ow! – after the break!

Is... Is he throwing things at her? What the hell is going on?

[Happy music plays]

Barry Scott: Hi! I'm Barry Scott, and I'm here with Jill, who uses Cillit Bang Grime & Lime! Jill, what do you think?

Jill: Well, I use it all over the house. It's great on limescale, and my sink sparkles! The kids make such a mess in the bathroom, but it tackles soap scum no problem.

Barry Scott: And now for the 'tough' test! My old favourite!

Jill: You love that one, Barry!

Barry Scott: Heh heh! With this much power on tough jobs, everyday cleaning is a doddle with Cillit Bang Grime & Lime! Give it a go! Bang, and the dirt is gone!

... Cutlerine, you're like that one guy that tries really hard to be funny.

[A gorilla plays the drums. Mmm, chocolate.]

Alright, that's it. You want a serious analysis on what works and what doesn't? Because I'm sick of this shit. See, there's no context to any of this. It's just thrown out for the sake of throwing the reader off guard for some vain attempt at randumb humor.

There's no tact, no finesse, no real form of build-up. The only reason it even elicits a reaction is because it's natural to go "what the fuck is this". Beyond that, it's just stupid. There's a reason why I hated most of the stuff that went on in the actual game because there was no rhyme or reason to it. It was just there because Cutlerine felt like putting it in. Just... moving on.

Belinda: And we're back! With me here in the studio is Herod Friedland, who plays every single member of the organisation known as the Deadly Seven, or the Order of the Afro.

Speaking of the Deadly Seven, they were a horrible choice too. Like... they became bearable when they finally dropped the crazy act. Let me repeat this: your gimmick character becomes bearable when they lose their gimmick. Like damn it, man. It's no secret that I hated the "madness for the sake of confusing the enemy" thing because it felt like a tremendous asspull.

Herod: Good afternoon, Belinda.

Belinda: Good afternoon, Herod. What's it like to play someone completely insane, in the context of an RPG?

Herod: Well, I actually play ten of them, each with their own unique qualities. There's a lot of material to memorise for each of them – Stan [note: the producer] made me learn each of their backstories, so that I would understand the emotions that drive their running jokes.

Even when the Deadly Seven were serious, I still couldn't take them seriously. Order of the Afro? Really? Bah. I don't think any of the Deadly Seven even had backstories aside from "we fight senex".

Belinda: These running jokes play a large part in the game, don't they?

Herod: I like to think they do. The Deadly Seven do, at any rate – on more than one occasion, they have to be defeated in order for the story to progress. And they give the player character useful advice and items at points.

I'll give you this, they give you items... after they've stopped being crazy. Aside from telling Jack to go to the Elite Four, they have been active detriments to Jack this entire game. Pretty sure Jack's not going to forget that they tried to make him go insane.

Belinda: Interesting. What was it like to work with the Cutlerine?

Herod: He seems a nice enough guy, did his job well. I saw him less than Damien and Rebecca, if anything.

Belinda: OK, I'm going to have to stop you there, Herod, because walking in the door right now is Martha McPlatitude, the set designer and builder.

That name may not be as bad as Lolidragon, but it's up there.

Martha: Pleased to meet you, Belinda.

Belinda: The pleasure is all mine, Martha. Tell us what exactly your job involves.

Martha: Well, I... design and build the sets.

Belinda: Is that right?

Martha: Oh – I don't do it by myself. I have a team working under me to help with the building work.

Belinda: What was the most challenging map to create for you?

Martha: It would have to be the Madio Caves. I had to break most of the laws of physics several times for that one – in fact, several times more than anyone else. As soon as it's verified by an official, Snakewood will be in line for a Guinness World Record for that one.

The Madio Caves have some of the most horrendous map design I've ever seen. I'm not fond of places that try to mislead you, and the Inquisition Base is another such offender.

The Inquisition Base was another horrible map because there were so many foul-spirited one-way exits and tricks (looking at you, inescapable trap with a level 80 Shaderu) that I honestly didn't want to keep playing. The Boardroom Puzzle is so monstrous that the map was absolutely necessary. To quote my friend: "That level design physically hurt just reading about it".

See, people want to progress through the games they play – not be stuck in the same room over and over and over and over and over AND OVER AND OVER—You get my point.

Belinda: And what was your favourite part?

Martha: Definitely making the Regurgitation Pumping Station in the Lilycove Sewers. It was my finest effort – four 50ft waterfalls of real sewage, on a tower just over 150ft tall and covered in dozens of functional pumps. It was an engineering masterpiece.

It's a video game for christ's sake.

Belinda: That sounds impressive. What about the Necropolis in Sootopolis City? I hear that that's set to top a thousand feet.

The Necropolis we never get a full view of? It's just an edited map, guys.

Martha: It will be the tallest structure I've ever created. I have the designs ready and workers are busy on the graphical foundations already – we just need the Cutlerine's final approval before we continue with the main building work.

It's literally just Spiral Tower and Sootopolis mixed together. Stop talking about this like it's an actual structure you built.

Belinda: So you're very excited about this?

Martha: Excited? I'm so excited I could burst!

[EXPLOSION]

Goodbye Martha. Funeral services will be held never.

Belinda: That was... unexpected. Anyway, I guess I'll go back to interviewing Herod now.

Herod: Hello again, Belinda. I would say yes, continue with the interview, but I think you'll find we need to get out of here. There's been a leak of Weird and everyone has to evacuate?

... Really?

Belinda: A leak of... Weird?

Herod: Yes, the stuff that makes Pokémon Snakewood so delightfully eclectic and bizarre, and at times somewhat disturbing. Unleashed... well, you saw what it did to Martha, and what it resulted in with Harrison. We have to get out of here!

No, the weird makes Snakewood an absolute mess of a rom hack that no sane person would ever want to touch. It degrades the quality of the game and I'm pretty sure if a better zombie apocalypse rom hack came out, it would completely overshadow this game.

Belinda: This is Belinda Latchley, of Mixed Media Studios, signing off. Oh God, what is that thing?!

Is it A Monster?

Herod: Run! No one can stop it now!

[ROAR; SNARL]

Belinda: But Herod! You'll die!

Herod: Go! Save yourself! You're still young – aaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

[WHITE NOISE]

And there goes the Deadly Seven. Hallelujah.

Well, that script was... a thing. Why did it exist? I have no idea. (In hindsight, this was probably the easiest chapter to make yet)

But yeah. There was also an achievements document that came with this, but let me just sum it up for you - it's either all nonsensical garbage that no sane player would ever attempt (Perfect Black: Navigate the Madio Caves without Flash. - like seriously??) or simple to the point of "why was this an achievement?". ([name]! I Choose You!: Obtain a starter Pokémon.) After this, though, it should really be the end.

 

[Rainbow Chara X]

FREEDOM FREEDOM FREEDOM OY​

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Final Thoughts (REVIEW)​

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(Rating scale:
Excellent (84 – 100)
Good (70-83)
Average(50 -69)
Bad – also counts as B-Movie So Bad It's Good in case I happen to enjoy it (35 – 49)
Awful (34 to 0))

Full Title: Pokemon Snakewood (Fixed) (as the version I was playing was from a more recent patch)

Originally published: October 27th, 2010 on Pokecommunity

Type: Pokemon rom hack, which qualifies as turn-based RPG

Length: For me it took about 60+ hours even with savestates, and that's because I went out of my way to show everything. A regular player probably won't even get that far for... various reasons.

Difficulty: It started off slightly difficult, but managable. Then Veracity's Ho-oh happened. It got worse with the Elite Four as we're suddenly dealing with Pokemon in the high sixties. To say nothing of the awful kaizo puzzles or the fact that the final opponents have Pokemon in the high seventies and eighties. In short, it got unbearable to the point where I don't think I could have done it without cheats and guides.

Developers/Artists/Etc.: Cutlerine, The Rykeet (Someone who made the sprites aside from Cutlerine), Angel Laboratories (Although I'm not sure how much they actually contributed), etc.

Overall Plot:

• Hoenn is under a zombie apocalypse and you as an amnesiac with a "mysterious past" have to go find out answers and potentially stop it. You fight the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, some Taoist dude, get the favor of the Dragon King and fight the dark lord of the dead.

Pros & Cons–

+Pretty original in that kind of "teenager making things up as they go along" kind of way.

+It has some good Fakemon (Shinigami, Zangol, Stitcher, etc.)

+The main character was pretty good… at first

+It doesn't fall into the conventional traps of a zombie apocalypse and I'll grant that it's not that predictable

+By virtue of being Pokemon Ruby, I like the music.

+The murder mystery segment back in Mauville was pretty well done

+When the writing actually tried, it was surprisingly effective (Veracity & his sister, Zombie Norman, etc.)

+I'm not gonna lie – the eventing is professional. Cutlerine knew what he was doing.

+I did like some of the black comedy. Hell, even a lot of the dumb comedy and some of the reference nonsense too.

+Gleis was interesting just because of how conniving he turned out to be.

+Some of the backdrops were cool, like the Frigid Way and the Film University.

+There was a lot of cut content, most of which sounded kind of interesting.

--

-The story is awful in every sense of the word. It starts off… okay, but as it goes on, it becomes more and more deranged and confused to the point where I couldn't even keep track of what was happening aside from bare essentials. (Aka. "Okay we went from point A to point B, let's not question what's happening for the sake of our sanity"). There's so many plot elements and characters that get introduced but ultimately wind up not having much of a purpose.[/color]

-The Deadly Seven are some of the most annoying characters I've ever seen, and the fact Cutlerine tried to make them "serious" by the end doesn't redeem them at all.

-The game is too long in the wrong ways and a fair amount of it feels like padding. Credit that Cutlerine was even able to make it last as long as a real game but he sure couldn't articulate himself for most of it!

-The bad Fakemon heavily outnumber the good ones. The Madio and Hombone families are probably the biggest offenders. The zombie Pokemon are just as bad because a fair amount of them are just mediocre palette swaps with horrible pun names.

-Aside from a few characters (Meteor, Izumii, Veracity, Gleis, etc.), everybody is either uninteresting, unlikable, or both. The main character counts under this too, because aside from their surprising genre savviness, they aren't really that well written. The default names and their sprites are still bad.[/color]

-Speaking of sprites, a lot of the spritework in the game is mediocre at best. Cutlerine tried to preach that "you don't need good graphics to have a good game", which is an obvious excuse because even he said "don't take Snakewood so seriously". He has so many excuses that conflict with one another, which gives me the impression he was trying his damndest but didn't want people to call him out.

-The insane difficulty, especially by the end. There is no way I could have gotten past that if I didn't cheat or use guides. You could argue that Senex and them were superbosses since the "Elite Four" are what actually give you the ending screen, but that has its own issues.

-The Telefang part was arguably the worst pre-postgame segment for many reasons. The biggest one being that it was just extremely unpleasant, what with the Telefang branding themselves as "so innocent could never harm a fly" while Pokemon are "mindless killing machines" despite being rather vicious themselves. Kyogre and Rayquaza's sudden offscreen deaths don't help much either.

-The Madio Caves and the Inquisition Boardroom are... well, frankly, some of the worst pieces of level design I've seen in a game yet. One-way teleports and an invisible teleport maze you can only figure out through trial and error? You kinda deserve to get laughed out the room at that point.

-References being used a plot point is beyond lazy and laughable, especially when he brings in stuff like real life religions and places while he's doing this. The references themselves don't even make sense and conflict with the world of Pokemon as it is…

-The ending was probably the peak of how insultingly pretentious the game could get. Not only does Cutlerine try to pass off this entire game as if it had some greater meaning, but he tries to drag you the player into it and it's like... I remember being like this when I was younger? I grew out of it for a reason.

-See, here's the thing about stories with greater meaning: You have to make sure the story/game is enjoyable for people to care to begin with. Snakewood tries to tout "life is madness", but in reality it's just him trying justify the dumber moments of the game by pretending they were all part of the plan... which itself happened because he wanted to write a more traditional dark fantasy story but lost interest by the time the Horsemen arrived.​

-That and the whole "I'm a better writer than the actual creators of Pokemon" mentality is just... oof. Especially as modern Pokemon has been proven to have some pretty compelling characters and storylines as of late.​

Final Thoughts (40/100):

(Original score was 30/100)

Snakewood is not a very good game, guys. I was genuinely into the zombie apocalypse setting until everything collapsed on itself and became a black hole of stupidity, references and other such tripe. Snakewood is a game I would never recommend to anybody unless you really want to see the madness firsthand.

If you like the game, all power to you, but just be aware of its flaws. I personally can't stand it, which is why it's the king of the Recycle Bin now.

... Fun fact: The whole "Snakewood got awards at Pokecommunity" thing? It's speculated that it even got up there because it was the only eligible hack at the time. If that's true, that's just sad.

Future Dan: (To be honest, I can appreciate some more stuff about it now that I've gotten some time to think about it. When it's not trying to be anything other than an outrageous parody I can give it some slack. When it turns into Cutlerine's edgy fanfic, that's when it gets unironically bad.)

With that said, though... Guys, I'm glad you've all stuck around to see me finish this thing. I'm not really one for sappy speeches, so I'll just leave it at this:

Thanks for watching.

 

[Rainbow Chara X]

Surprise! You're probably wondering: what even is this? Didn't you cover everything Snakewood have to offer?

Yes. But the war is far from won, my friends.

If I could describe this chapter in any apt way, consider this a... teaser for things to come. None of this is in Snakewood proper, this is all me.

[font=verdana, geneva, lucida, lucida grande, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]Chapter #31 - Invitation of Darkness

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Spoiler:

This takes place a year (at least) after Snakewood ended, so Jack's been living at Fort Draco for quite some time now.

: [Stretches arms] "Man, I still can't believe the region was full of zombies a year ago."

: ("I know you don't want to accept a straight compliment, but we couldn't have done it without you. It was your leadership that kept us going.")

: "Leadership, huh? Still can't get over the fact my dumb ass managed to do anything of value around here, or that people actually listen to me for anything."

: ("Well, of course! It's not surprising that the people of Hoenn see you as a hero after what happened. I've always believed in you, but it's nice to see other people see that in you as well.")

: "... How do you always know the right thing to say to me? Genuine question."

: ("It's simple: You're honest.")

[A dragon's voice calls out for Jack]

: "Master Jack! We have a problem!"

: "Just when we were having a moment, too. What's the deal?"

: "King Meteor will explain the rest."

: "... Oh, this ought to be good."

: "So what's the problem, Dragon King?"

: "We've received word of powerful malicious energy in certain parts of Hoenn. The sensations are so overpowering that people get sick just passing by these areas."

: "Wow, that bad?"

: "We're positive that Senex has returned... but Izumii says that these are different forces than anything we've seen before. Regardless, you're our strongest Knight, Jack. Will you help us?"

: "Of course! In fact, I've been waiting for another chance like this - I hate to admit it, but doing rescue relief and attending all of those meetings was legitimately boring me to death."

: "I can sympathize. Anyway, prepare yourself before you leave - we don't know what sort of plan the Dark Lord has in store for you."

: "So, everyone's fine? Is Menti* okay? I have to ask so I can leave without getting worried."

(*: A zombified Azumarill that we picked up during the course of Snakewood.)

: "Yes. She's resting right now but she's fine. Still... It's amazing that strange deer-shaped Pokemon * was able to reverse the zombification process."

(*2: Hello, early-bird cameo.)

: "Yeah, no kidding... I'm kinda pissed that Xerneas wasn't here earlier, though. That would have solved our problems a lot faster... Then again, she did say she couldn't stay for long or someone would find her? I don't remember the details. Anyway, I'm going. Take good care of the back-up team while I'm gone."

: "Good luck, Master Jack."

Oh yes, by the way: I had to download a new copy of Snakewood just to do this because I deleted it after I originally finished the let's play. As such, I had to recreate the team from scratch. Ooops.

: "So... the first disturbance is at Meteor Falls. Please god don't let this suck."

: "... There's nothing here."

: "Damn it, this better not be a prank like that one time. 'Oh hey, let's send Jack on a fake errand and surprise him when he gets home'. I swear -"

[The area briefly goes pitch black. An enormous pressure overwhelms the area, followed by a creature appearing behind Jack]

: ("Jack...")

[Jack gains a cold sweat and slowly turns around]

: "HOLY MOTHER OF ARCEUS! So this is what they meant!"

: ("... Kill you...")

[Song for this bit: Amalgam - Dual Mix]

well psyduck

That's definitely not normal.

I also love it when a series does the whole "fighting an enemy you're not supposed to encounter until later" thing - the best example of this I can think of is when you fight the final boss of Kingdom Hearts 2 as a bonus boss in the HD re-release of Kingdom Hearts 1.

Anyway, this... thing is

/

with Intimidate. Here's her stats:

120 / 81 / 120 / 130 / 130 / 85 (666 Total)

I mean, yeesh.

Bellamine gained Hypnosis during the timeskip and puts it to good use. Unfortunately, this weird Darkrai Cresselia thing is also very powerful and could easily slaughter most of Jack's team due to her typing.

[The Cresselia's form collapses into black dust]

: ("Wow, that evil Cresselia was super strong... I can't imagine if we had to fight more than one.")

It took all of the team just to kill her! That's... uh... telling.

: "Jeez... if this is what they were talking about then no wonder they sent me to go deal with it."

[A voice rings through the Pokephone]

[Song for this bit: X Invasion]

: "Jack! There's a disturbance at Mount Chimney! Sage Izumii needs your help!"

: "Crap, another one? Whatever these things are, they're fast."

: "Ah, Jack! I was tending to this lost Zigzagoon when this vile force showed up and disoriented my senses. It's taking all of my strength to stay seated on the mountain, so please hurry."

: "Oh wow. I'm on it!"

: "So here's the other one... Some kinda weird Lucario?"

: ("... All hail the demon king.")

: "What? What are you -"

[The black Lucario charges at Jack but gets deflected by Valor's blade]

: ("Not so fast, tough guy!")

[Amalgam - Dual Mix]

That thing looks siiiiick. I wish we had one to keep for ourselves, but oh well.

(The sprite was not actually made by The Composer but instead another one of our friends, Zangbite. It's an old sprite from 2007 or so but it fit so much that I just had to use it.)

He is

/

type with Intimidate and comes with a bevy of powerful physical moves like Aerial Ace, Faint Attack and, last but not least, Aura Sphere.

Yeah, he means business, and I'll be shocked if anybody can take him out with ease. Here are his stats:

110 / 160 / 100 /150 / 100 / 120 (740 Total)

I mean jesus christ. To compare, Senex only has 690 BST and he's the main villain of Snakewood!

: ("One wrong move and that could be it...!")

Out of all the Pokemon I had to bring back, Juno is probably the best one. Her

/

type makes her able to stand up against this monstrosity without getting curb-stomped. Will-O-Wisp is also an incredible boon because this thing is way too strong.

: ("Too close!")

: ("This might have been messy if you weren't here, Juno. Anyway...") [Cracks knuckles]

[Valor used Brick Break!]

:("Don't mess with The Crew.")

: "We did it! I hope, anyway."

[The Pokephone rings]

: "... I knew it."

: "Jack, are you there? We've pin-pointed Senex's location! He's at Mt. Pyre. No doubt he plans on repeating the zombie apocalypse bit... please, stop him!"

: "Oh no, not this again. I'll get him for sure this time!"

[Song for this bit: Magic Flute]

: "Deep breaths... it's only the same guy you beat a year ago. You can do this."

: ("Wait... Jack, I feel something else here.")

: "Huh? Like what, Bellamine?"

: ("It's like my entire body is being crushed by two conflicting forces... Perhaps he has an accomplice.")

: "Well... there was that one Darkrai Lucario that said 'all hail the demon king'. I guess he has those guys under his control too."

: ("Whatever it is, we have to be on guard.")

[Theme for this bit: Stealthy Shadow]

: "So you came, Jack. Excellent timing."

: "You nearly kept us waiting."

: "How did I know you would do this? Also, Gleis? You brought him too?"

: "Of course I did. I'm astonished that you didn't expect me to escape that wretched Pokeball. I hope you've made peace with your god, because I'm going to pay you back for all of the humiliation you've caused me."

: "Of course the necromancer of all people is stubborn enough to beat a dead horse. By the way, what's with the screwed up Darkrai Pokemon you've put around the place? I thought your thing was zombies."

: "... Darkrai Pokemon? I have no idea what you are talking about. But you are correct about my preferences!"

[Senex snaps his fingers and summons some corpses]

: "I've made the playing field a little more even."

: "Oh, not this bullshit again!"

: "What was it you said...? Death is too good for you? Let's start by giving you a good belt whipping."

[Theme for this bit: Dark Boy's Revenge]

Let's do this.

His first Pokemon up is a Shinigami because I thought they were one of the coolest Fakemon in Snakewood.

: ("Oh no. Bellamine, I think I found your 'boyfriend'.")

: ("Him again?!")

: ("Oh, miss Bellamine~ Your lover boy Nero is back and ready to pick out a coffin for us to -")

[Bellamine and Jeanne blast him with Flamethrower, Confuse Ray and Psychic]

: ("Oh come on!!")

: ("Maybe I should dump the puns and pick-up lines...")

[Nero fades away again]

: ("That'd be a good start.")

Senex also had a Headdoom for some reason. They were equipped with Flamethrower and Bright Idea (Nasty Plot) but Valor stomps them out before they can even do anything. Oh well.

Ahahahaha.

This one's easy.

It always feels good to stack like 50 Calm Minds and then obliterate everything in sight (that's not a Dark type).

They can try all they want, but there's no stopping the pain train.

Faceleech was here too I guess.

oH MUK waddup

I made Gleis a fightable character in this! He is

/

with the following stats:

70 / 60 / 60 /125 / 80 / 120 (515 Total)

He comes with Psychic, Thunderbolt, Hypnosis and Dream Eater as his moves. Hypnosis and Dream Eater in particular are based off of the segment where he messes with the protagonist's head and chucks them into the Necropolis's prison pit.

I figured I should do this because he kept making a big fuss about how his magic could make Jack into his cosmic plaything, so... why not actually fight him?

: "Time to pay you back for interrupting my act, Gardevoir."

: ("Let's dance.")

He's trying to do to Bellamine what he did to Jack.

[Bellamine fell asleep!]

: ("Wh-what?")

: "Ooh, what is this?"

: ("R-Rubus...? Where are you?")

: "Haha... I've got you now!"

: ("... No! This is a trap!")

[Bellamine wakes up and uses Calm Mind!]

: "Damn, so close..."

: ("Did you really think an amateur trick like that would work on me?")

[They trade Psychic attacks and shoot thunderbolts everywhere]

: "Im... impossible! How can something like you..."

: ("You're the one who made it personal by going into my head. Allow me to repay the favor.")

[Bellamine used Psychic!]

[Gleis has a soulless look on his face and drools from his mouth]

Don't mess with her, christ.

: "Enough of this! I'm going to get rid of you myself!"

There he is. Senex would normally be the toughest opponent yet due to his blistering strength and the fact he's a Karate Grandpa, but...

: ("Nyah, nyah, nyah!")

Nothing he does can hit Juno. No, seriously.

The Dark Lord can't do anything to hurt even a simple Banette.

This is proof that I should have brought Juno more often in the normal game.

: "How does this keep happening to me!?"

: "Easy - you're old and stubborn. Get with the times."

: "Arrggh! This is but a taste of what I have planned for you. The corpse army shall -"

[The area briefly goes pitch black]

[The two Darkmons eviscerate the zombies in the area]

: "How in the -- but I thought I killed them already!"

: "What?! What are these beasts, and how did they destroy my puppets so quickly!?"

: ("I assume it's my turn to make an entrance.")

[Theme for this bit: Demon King Odio]

: "Who are you?!"

: ("Oh, I have many names, but the one I'm using right now is Darugis.")

: ("The Demon King.")

: "N-no... It can't be. I thought you were dead! Why are you here!?"

: ("You only have yourself to blame. Normally, I wouldn't have come back for another hundred years, but there's thousands of angry souls that want your head after the catastrophe you unleashed on Hoenn. ")

: ("All of their hatred and fear... not only does it sustain me, but I can sympathize too well with them. To have your life and loved ones ripped away by a force outside of your control...")

: ("But I'm nothing if not merciful. I'll ask you to come over to my side so you can live a bit longer despite all the sins you committed.")

: "You're said to be the master of evil, hatred incarnate... Interesting. I serve no master but myself... but if I were to defeat you, then I would become the true Demon King. "

: ("Ah, there it is. This dandy really thinks he can beat me? It'd be hilarious if it wasn't pathetic. Am I right?")

[He slaps the shoulder of the white Lucario next to him. She gives them a nervous grin]

: ("Haha... yes...")

: "So you're the one who's been making the Darkrai Pokemon?! No wonder they were stronger than anything I've fought before! And just when I thought madness and cake were the worst of my problems."

: ("Yes, that's right. What are you going to do about it, little man? You could barely stand up to just two. Not only that, you had a hard time against the necromancer and he's practically a child compared to me. I'd tell you to run, but it'd be disingenuous to offer you the illusion of choice.")

: "Arrogant 'on high' douchebags like you just piss me off! I'll save this region no matter what comes in here!"

: ("Feisty. You remind me of one of my old adversaries... But are you as good as them?")

[Theme for this bit: Illusion]

Holy Hell here we go

Darugis is the main villain of Dark Rising, so... spoilers?

I don't think it really matters considering they tell you about him as soon as the first game starts.

Yeah, Darugis can just make an army of these guys? That, uh... is a bit terrifying considering how much effort it took just to get rid of two. They're definitely no easy zombies.

Thankfully, Juno manages to crack this one's skull open with her fearsome jump kicks.

Ditto for Valor. They're a battle couple now, don't you know?

: ("It's not a smart idea to defy Master, you know. Give up and we'll go easy on you.")

: ("Interesting offer, but we'll have to decline.")

This, my friends, is Fafnir. She is a Lugia/Lucario fusion and is

/

.

She'll be more relevant later on and that's all I'm going to say about her. For now?

She gets tag-teamed by Bellamine and Jeanne.

: ("You're practically walking to your deaths...")

: "What now? We beat your underlings. They weren't that hard, big guy."

: ("Really? Let's see how well you can eat your words.")

: ("Provided I'm generous enough to leave a body for people to mourn afterwards.")

We're basically fighting Dark Rising's main villain... as Jack. Keep in mind, he has the following stats:

205 / 205 / 205 / 205 / 205 / 205 (1,230 Total)

I'm not kidding. For those of you wondering: Yes, he REALLY IS that god damn strong in the game he comes from.

The sprite, however, was made by my friend, The Composer. She's great.

)

The worst part about it is that I also brought in all of his moves (Dark Chaos - a 200 power Dark move that also poisons 100% of the time)... and again, we're fighting him with Jack. The same Jack that used (relatively) normal Pokemon.

You can already tell how this is gonna go.

I mean, what can you do against something that strong? You'd have to like... hack in your own super uber mon just to stand a chance.

: "Wh... but how am I supposed to do this?!"

Psyduckin' bodied.

: "You useless delinquent. Stand back and watch how a TRUE master does it!"

: "Senex, you...?"

: "Spare me the commentary - when I take over as the Demon King, your corpse and those of your Pokemon will adorn my throne room. However, it seems I have to gain my title..."

: ("Hahaha, this is rich. You're serious? You lost to him! How do you expect to beat me? It's simple math at this point.")

: "Watch and learn, you false king."

Ooooh boy, we're playing as Senex!

I should have shown this off in the actual LP, honestly. His backsprite is great.

: "You can't stop me with this!"

Amazingly, despite this being super-effective, this doesn't one-shot Senex!

They're more badass than I gave them credit.

[Darugis recoils]

: ("Damn, good shot. That one actually stung a bit.")

Senex got a hit in. Yowza.

He got more than one! Wow, I'm impressed.

: "Your crown is mine, Demon King!"

: ("Unfortunately for you...")

[Darugis used Demon Wing!]

: ("It seems you were never meant to wear it. Not enough blood on your hands.")

: "Wh-what...? This can't be how things end for me... The world cannot go on without me! I will --!"

[Senex turns to dust and blows away in the wind]

: "... Oh muk."

[Darugis clutches the various wounds Senex inflicted on him]

: ("Damn... that crusty old idiot hit me harder than I realized. Maybe I woke up too soon? Regardless, a regeneration spot for something like this is embarrassing.")

: "Hey! You're not getting away!"

[Fafnir blocks him]

: ("Oh right, I nearly forgot about the ant in the room. I have more important things to worry about than you... but I may as well reward you too.")

[Darugis shoots Bellamine with a black lightning bolt. She falls to her knees]

[Song for this bit: Long Shadow]

: ("Ah! Jack! I... I can't move!")

: "What'd you do to her?!"

: ("I'm no longer in any condition to fight after what that dandy did to me, so let's play a game instead. Your little Gardevoir friend will be teleported to my region... she'll go mad with fear as she'll have to constantly run away from my forces hunting her down - Have fun.")

: "You sick bastard!"

: ("Jack, I know you can find me. We won't be gone for long, I pro--")

[Everyone but Jack vanishes]

: "Damn it! Bellamine! I swear I won't rest until we find you!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Bonus team setup:

(Ambes,

, Level 70,

) - "Miss Bellamine!! No!!"

(Jeanne,

, Level 80,

) - "They'll pay for this! I'll burn Darugis to the bone!"

(Juno,

, Level 75,

/

) - "What?! No! We have to get her back!"

(Valor,

, Level 80, has Plus Band,

/

) - "Yo... That didn't actually just happen, did it?"

(Ballin,

, level 71,

/

) - "Oh snap."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Back-up Team:

(Reggie,

, Level 65, has Leftovers,

/

) - "Just when you think it's all over - bam! They pull you right back in, mon."

(Zagon,

, Level 63,

/

) - "No idea, but this is horrible!"

(Alice,

, level 63,

) - "Noooo, Miss Bellamine!!"

(Ace,

, Level 65, has Anadrin Talon,

/

) - "Jack, get on my back! We have to move fast!"

(Gauss,

, Level 70,

/

) - "What!? No! We're not going to let this happen! I'm coming with ya!"

(Umbra,

, Level 62,

) - "... Darkrai Pokemon? I'm surprised that only two were that much of a problem!"

(Tohru,

, Level 60,

/

) - "I'm curious as to what would happen if I fought a Darkrai version of myself, honestly..."

(Pumbloom,

, level 56,

) - "WHAT."

(Wagner,

, Level 60,

/

) - "Someone that's even worse than Senex... I would have never dreamed such a thing was true."

(Chloris,

, level 61,

/

) - [Stares slack-jawed at what happened]

(Beatrice,

, Level 60,

/

) - "Make room for me, boys! No way I'm sitting this one out!"

(Spark,

, level 32,

) - "Yo, lemme at that demon king guy. He deserves a punch in the face for stealing Bellamine!"

(Shine,

, level 33,

) - "... Somehow I don't think that would be a wise idea, Spark."

(Alpha, level 55,

/

) - [Is serving as Jack's computer]

(Letro, level 50,

/

) - "CALCULATING... ERROR! CANNOT DETERMINE THE STRENGTH OF THE DEMON KING!"

(Menti,

, level 57,

) - "One of the first things I hear about after getting revived and it's miss Bellamine getting kidnapped?! Are you kidding me?!"

(Cherry,

, level 60,

) - "No! This can't be happening!"

(Ivory has long since passed on)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Portrait Credits:

Spoiler:

PMD Sprite Repository site: https://sprites.pmdcollab.org/

- Reggie (Paras & Parasect – Non-standard sprites are made by jackolanternjackalope. Parasect doesn't have any new portraits so he doesn't get a change.)

- Bellamine (Kirlia & Gardevoir – Non-standard sprites are made by JFain and Ichor)

- Alice (Skitty & Delcatty – Non-standard sprites are made by baronessfaron)

- Ace (Taillow & Swellow – Non-standard sprites are made by FunnyKecleonMeme and Caitemis)

- Tohru (Makuhita & Hariyama – Non-standard sprites are made by baronessfaron. Hariyama doesn't have any new portraits so he doesn't get a change.)

- Jeanne (Vulpix & Ninetales – Non-standard sprites are made by Meganai & baronessfaron)

- Umbra (Absol – Non-standard sprites are made by Emmuffin)

- Ambes's Raichu portraits were edited by my friend, The Composer.

- Zagon (Zigzagoon & Linoone – Non-standard sprites are made by DasK. Linoone doesn't have any new faces.)

- Chloris (Celebi – made by Leafia_Barrett and Murpi)

- Juno (Shuppet & Banette – Non-standard sprites are made by baronessfaron & Murpi)

- Shine & Spark (Pichu – Non-standard sprites are by C_Pariah)

- Cherry (Oddish & Bellossom – Non-standard sprites are by gromchurch, felis_licht and ShyQuietRain)

- Letro (Magnemite family – Non-standard sprites are Fearless-Quit, Emboarger and SirViolet. Magnezone doesn't have any variants.)

- Valor (Zangoose & Zangol – Non-standard sprites are made by Emmuffin. The Zangol recolor + Kamina Shades was made by me.)

- Helmaroc/Wagner (Aerodactyl – Non-standard sprites are made by Caitemis)

- Gauss (Toxicroak – Non-standard sprites are made by baronessfaron)

NON-PLAYABLE CHARACTERS:

- Meteor (Shiny version of Charizard – made by Adrian, SuperFabbioGuy and Murpi)

- Meteor's Daughter (Is an egg sprite made from scratch – made by Emboarger and ShyQuietRain)

- Nero (Is a Gallade sprite modified to look like the Shinigami in Snakewood - I did the Shinigami edit, while the base Gallade sprites were made by baronessfaron)

- Ivory (Raichu ghost edit – Original sprites are the Raichu edits my friend made, but edited to look more ghostly by me.)

- ??? (Yveltal – Non-standard sprites made by Emboarger)

- ??? (Xerneas – Non-standard sprites made by baronessfaron & anon

- Demon King Darugis (Darkrai - Non-standard sprites made by baronessfaron)

- "Fafnir" (Lugia Lucario permafusion - The original Lucario base sprites were made by Emuffin and FlarosOverfield, but I edited ALL of the portraits for the Fafnir version.)