Serious have you ever explored your gender identity?

[moon]

been a while and it's inspiring to share thoughts and stories on this and hear about the journeys of others. Only if you feel comfortable doing so, ofc.

If the answer is "no" then feel free to post to say so too, but if you believe cis-binarity is the only Real Thing then this isn't the thread to reveal that in x

 

[starseed galaxy auticorn]

I've never really tried to explore it. I'll admit that I've had thoughts of being both male/female, but other than that... I'm pretty content with being full on female. I do support people no matter what their gender identity is. I love you all for who you are/who you choose to be. <3 I'm actually still learning more about the different genders and non-genders etc.

 

[pkmin3033]

I explored this a lot when I was in my late teens and early twenties...in the end I decided that I didn't really want or need a gender identity. I'm just me. I don't need a label to determine my identity or the way I express myself.

 

[Zeostar]

I've never explored my gender. I've worn scarves that are considered "girly" but that's about it.

 

[Ys]

Hmm. To be honest, hearing about trans people online piqued my curiosity, and for a moment I did question what gender identity I felt like. In the end though, it wasn't really a question. Even if I don't fit all the girl stereotypes, I'm a female/woman. I identify with other women and wouldn't really want to be anything else.

 

[Venonat in Space]

Preferring the boy toys as a young child, of course I questioned it. Then I saw some successful trans stories online and that made me question it too. I even prefer my hair short, but all and all, I think I prefer being female. Idk why, being a girl feels right despite my past. Also, I know this may sound really pathetic to some people but...I'm scared of having a deep voice. Seriously, that scares me. No offence to anyone who is transgender or cis-male. I just prefer my voice the way it is.

 

[budube]

I did, kinda, when I started to pick a liking for femenine and girly stuff. Lots of people I knew being horribly retrogade in that and many other aspects (gonna add myself there, because I used to be pretty dumb at that time, too) didn't really help much, honestly. Then I grew up enough to realize that liking that stuff didn't mean shit and didn't make me less of a man, so I said "Fuck it, I like purple, my hair long and cute stuff and I don't give a damn!"

 

[gimmepie]

I question gender often, because it's interesting, but I have never really questioned my own identity. I'm male, I feel male. That's all there is to it.

 

[Corrin]

Yes, I have, I've known since I was a child that I wasn't really a girl, but I was sort of forced to be cis for a long time because I didn't know how to express how I felt. I identify as non binary now but I still can't come out irl because no one accepts non binary as a thing and I'd just be told "it's your autism :)" or some shit.

 

[moon]

I did, kinda, when I started to pick a liking for femenine and girly stuff. Lots of people I knew being horribly retrogade in that and many other aspects (gonna add myself there, because I used to be pretty dumb at that time, too) didn't really help much, honestly. Then I grew up enough to realize that liking that stuff didn't mean shit and didn't make me less of a man, so I said "Fuck it, I like purple, my hair long and cute stuff and I don't give a damn!"

Preach!

I always felt weird when people said they felt like girls because they liked pink or make-up or dresses, because I was supposedly a girl and not overly into such things. I'd still prefer we eventually stop calling things "girly" or "boyish", but in the meantime I'm distancing myself from the restrictive binary system and perceived gender roles by going by agender. Never had much of a sense of gender, never was dysphoric in my body. I'm just me, not what society thinks I should be.

 

[Palamon]

Yes, I have. I've never really been into a lot of the feminine coded things, even at a young age. My parents tried to force femininity on me and I just have never really felt it. I had questioned for a time, too, before getting dysphoria about my body & gender, about men's clothes (suits, specifically) because I personally felt like I wanted to wear those kinds of clothes.

I guess, then in my last year of high school, I had a lot of dysphoria that lasted a few years, so I kept trying to explore some of the gender identities outside the binary, until I discovered the identity "Trans Masculine" and felt like that one really fit me. Since then, I haven't really questioned my gender since since I found something I felt comfortable with. I do still get dysphoric about my body sometimes but I'm a lot happier now than I was before. I do still want a suit, btw, but they're so damn expensive, so I've settled for now, for hoodies and stuff that makes me look androgynous.

Also, before all this, when I was a kid, I did explore male identities online. But I don't know if that counts since I just set my gender as male on a profile and went by a male name (ie, Steven). And not in the rp kind of way, but back then when I was younger, I felt like it was something I needed to do.

 

[Fairy]

Yes. In fact, as a child and well into my adult life I rejected anything even remotely associated with femininity. I refused to be called by my full name and went with the much more androgynous "Jo". I exclusively wore boys clothes into and after high school. Being female felt so wrong for me, and it went beyond not liking dresses or makeup. I was revolted by the notion. When I was very young, it was a point of mockery for my parents to dress me up in dresses for holidays, and when I would verbally and physically lash out, they would laugh at how uncomfortable I was. It got to the point that at 7 years old I insisted on getting a buzz cut (which didn't happen, but I was able to get it cut into a shorter 'girl' style) and only be called a little boy.

Had I known that transitioning was a thing at this age, I have no doubts I would have pursued it with vigor.

Fast forward a few years after puberty hit and I still hated every notion of being female. The moment I got my first period I immediately went on a birth control (depo) that stopped my monthly cycle for good. To this day I am still on it. I hate being well endowed in the chest and would absolutely get top surgery if I could afford it.

All that said, I... I don't think I'm trans. I don't know if what I felt as a child was dysphoria or just a lot of misplaced angst. Now when I reflect on my gender, male doesn't feel right for me either. While I definitely have days that I don't feel 100% female, I have grown an affinity for such things in my adulthood. I'm okay, or at least indifferent, with being female, even if I would augment certain secondary sexual characteristics. It should be said though that it was a user on PC who encouraged me to buy my first binder and now I have a small collection that I do wear regularly. Make of that what you will.

 

[Janp]

My gender and sexuality were two of the biggest themes of 2019 for me. I'm not sure if I'm ready to talk about it openly here, but I'll try to say at least something. I've been questioning my gender and sexuality for few years now since I realized that I like "girly or feminine" stuff and hated that it's called "girly or feminine" stuff. I found the idea that something is just for woman or for man stupid.

I also remember when I was partying one night and got hit on by a gay man. Instead of saying something like "Sorry, but I'm straight." I found the idea of flirting with the same sex person arousing and I had fun that night.

And this year I finally got few opportunities to meet folks from local LGBT+ community and talked with them about it and I think I'm slowly figuring things out. For now I just know I don't really like being classified as male. Or as "just" male, if that makes any sense.

 

[an illegible mess.]

i started questioning my gender identity when i was around 14/15. i denied how i felt for a long time up until that point, but when i was a kid, i was very masculine. so masculine to the point where, for example, in gym class if we had to be separated by gender, i would always try and sneak over to the boys side. on several occasions i used the mens restrooms, dressed as masculine as i could, etc. and this may be tmi, but there were many occasions i would try going to the bathroom standing up. it felt right to me doing all of this. i was called a boy once and it made me feel great. when i pictured myself as an adult, i saw a man instead of a woman. i didn't know why.

though, eventually, i got made fun of and bullied for how i behaved, so out of embarassment, i shoved those feelings deep down and held contempt at anyone else that stepped outside the binary. i was extremely transphobic and when i was 13 convinced myself that perhaps i was just a butch lesbian. i still did my best to dress feminine though and tried makeup. i hated it deep down inside but forced myself to just deal with it. it made me that much more depressed. finally, i told myself enough was enough. i started experimenting again. i cut all of my hair off (to the dismay of my parents) and started binding by wearing multiple sports bras. i went out shopping with a friend one day and bought a wardrobe of mens clothes. at this point, i didn't have a name for how i felt. i looked online and decided because i was just experimenting, i would identify as genderfluid or genderqueer and go by mainly masculine pronouns. the masculine side won. everyday i lost more and more touch with my feminine side and then finally came out as a trans man.

years later, i'm on hrt (testosterone) with plans for top surgery. i'm so glad i experimented. i don't think i would be here today if i kept masking who i was. i think gender experimentation should be more accepted, even if you figure out you're just cis in the end. there's no harm in it and you discover things about yourself that you never really thought of before.

 

[starseed galaxy auticorn]

After this thread, I actually started to question it more. I've come to the conclusion that I'm bigender. This means that I'm both male and female because I relate a LOT to both sides. However, don't let this make you change what to call me. :3 Just use what you are comfortable with since either she/her and he/him will work just fine for me. <3

 

[Cariad]

I explored my gender identity a lot in my mid teens! I identified as non-binary for awhile, and there was a period where I (privately, never openly) thought of myself as a boy, or... liked to think of myself being perceived as such. Nowadays, I identify with my birth-assigned gender (female), and I'm totally comfortable with that - though it was only really through exploration and experimentation with other identities and labels that I discovered I was happy being a girl, if that makes sense?

Having thought about my gender, I now feel more connected to it than before; identifying as non-binary in the past in particular helped me realise that I didn't need to gender certain aspects of my personality, and that it was okay to have parts of me that I perceived as androgynous or masculine, and that didn't necessarily detract from my being a girl. It's a little difficult to articulate, but in the past I always had a very binary view of gender - exploring my own gender helped me broaden my views in that sense, and I'll always be glad! Now I can say that I'm confidently a girl, because I've tried other labels, and they didn't quite fit.

So, tl;dr, I think gender exploration is an incredibly healthy thing. I would recommend it to people who are 100% confident in their own gender haha, if nothing comes of it, it just makes you feel more secure in that identity, and if something does, then that's a good thing!

 

[lillipup03]

I haven't really explored with gender identity, and you know, the more I think about it, the more I wonder why I haven't. I'm the kind of person who questions everything about myself- politics, religion, and lately especially sexuality, but I guess I've just never felt like anything other than male, so I haven't had a reason to, if that makes sense.

I also hate the stereotypes that certain things are for certain people. Like, my favorite color is purple, and society as a whole seems to perceive that as a "feminine" color (at least around where I live). That doesn't mean male people can't like it. If every person of a certain gender likes the same exact things, the world is a very boring place.

I dunno. I also wonder if I just don't fully understand gender yet. Hopefully some day I will.

 

[Gabri]

Never felt I needed to and I feel fine.

You are you, you do you.

 

[Roxas]

I've felt like there was something wrong probably since middle school, so perhaps since I was 11-12? Never really did anything about it or questioned it until much later though. Caused me a large amount of strife

 

[Aslan]

To some extent I have in the past but I've never reached a concrete conclusion. Most of the questioning I had arose when a friend of mine came out as transgender and told me about their experience. Before then I'd never really questioned my gender - it was something I accepted without doubt. Now I don't really know but I'm still good with being seen as a girl in that having a feminine name / pronouns is something I'm comfortable with and don't feel like changing. I did try to think about how I'd feel if I woke up and was male and surprised myself in realising I'd be fine with it or happy even but even though masculine clothing / hairstyles would be pretty sweet and anatomically having a flat chest seems much better, being male would just feel extremely wrong still? But I also don't experience attachment to being a girl and I don't really understand how I'm supposed to feel like a girl - still though just staying a girl is easier at least for me. Being non-binary is completely valid and whilst it might be a better label for what I experience, that identity is also something I wouldn't really be ready to or feel right using for me personally. I know something feels off but I don't feel like I'm ready to put a label to it yet and I'm still fine being socially interpreted as a girl.