Someone didn't read the rules.
They state that the first post must contain a part of the story. Which you don't have. Allow me to smack a strike against you.
Secondly, what the frell is up with the quotation boxes? That is a first for fics. Not to mention that it is exceptionally odd to see.
But I'm bored, so let me point out other amusing things.
Firstly, can I say "Run-on sentence"? Those first two sentences are rather long. The full stop is not some sort of endangered species, I can tell you that. They aren't a vicious breed of punctuation either, so you can use them without fear.
Okay, it was just an ordinary day, I ran home like every other day,
We get it. It's just an ordinary day like every other day.
wearing my blue jumper and black shorts,
Since we're all not Brits here, explain more about the jumper. Is it the sweater variety, or the dress variety?
I styled my red and black hate facing backwards
Feelings come in colors now? I'm sure that you mean "hat".
A new pair of blue jeans, and a new hat!
Oh hurrah! A short sentence! But sorry to shoot your hopes down, because that is a sentence fragment. It's incomplete. Verbs are awesome, by the way.
"Took of"? I'm sure you mean "off".
, I placed my hat on my head as I turned it around
So wait, he/she/it can turn his/her/its head around? Awesome.
You might want to clarify what it is he/she/it is turning around by rewording that sentence.
And I find it funny that the main character didn't notice a large pile of presents, decorations,
Prof. Oak chilling in his/her/its house?
And why would Oak specifically swing by to help your character? Oak's a busy man, and he's not going to single out one trainer in Pallet Town to help out. Unless Pallet's supply of people eligible to become trainers has fallen to a seriously low amount, like one person.
Why did you throw me a party mum
What is a "party mum" and how far can you throw it?
"Why did you throw me a party, Mum?"
My leaving? My leaving
what?
You mean "you're", which is the contraction of "you are".
I had a annoyed expression on my face,
Why would a ten/twelve/thirty-five/one-thousand-and-four year old hate being the center of attention? You didn't give us anything of the character's feelings here, so readers are left to wonder why he/she/it is so annoyed at getting
free stuff.
Thanks so much Oak! You've been really nice to me all my life.
For no reason than I'm the main character and I haven't done anything to gain all this attention, and I'm special!
Really, why is Oak paying so much attention to your character? Or does the fate of the world rest on the shoulders of the main character and Oak knows that?
"receiving three potions in one"
-use spell-check
-write out numbers below 100
then my brother (Wave), the champion,
Oh ho ho ho... So your character is related to the champion of the Pokemon League, which means that he/she/it is even more special. But that's not all.
it was gold and silver, a one of a kind pokeball
He/she/it gets a rare one-of-a-kind Pokéball, with what we can only assume to have a rare one-of-a-kind Pichu inside!
Okay, your character is coming off as a major perfect character. Oak has special attention in he/she/it, there's the relation to the champion of the Pokemon League, and there's the uber-rare Pokéball that probably carries what will be an uber-rare Pichu with some special attack.
There's also the basic formatting issues. Read the rules, read the stickied writing guides in the Lounge, read other fics in this section. This will help you get an idea of what quality I'm looking for here.
And I saw that you wrote this in the reply box. Which is even more sad.
