Tale of a Trainer

[Elite 4 Sam]

Chapter 1: Hurry to the Hot Springs

His golden hair shone in the light from the sun beating down on the town below as Sam walked excitedly to the hot springs of Lavaridge. " Ah... Today's the day I actually get a Pokemon!" he exclaimed. Gradually, his walking turned into running, and his shoes got more and more dusty from the dirt beneath his feet, turning them from a sleek white to a musky brown. "Briiiiing! Briiiiing!" Sam reached into his back pocket and pulled out his Pokephone.

"Hello?" He answered. " Hurry Sam! The professor is getting ready to leave!" The voice said impatiently. "Flannery?! Im almost there! Tell him to hold on for a few more minutes, 'kay?" Sam replied trying to catch his breath. "Alright!" Flannery said quickly before hanging up the phone. Sam rushed into the Pokemon center and out the door leading to the hot springs.On the other side of the hot springs, Sam saw the white lab coat flapping in the wind.

"Professor! Wait!" Sam yelled to to the man. He picked up speed and within seconds, he was in front of the professor. " Ah, so you're Sam." The man concluded. "Yes it's an honor to meet you, Professor Elm!" Sam replied respectfully, yet joyously. The man reached into one of the pockets near the bottom of coat, pulling out a Poke'ball. " This is for you." He said handing the Poke'ball to Sam. "It contains an Elekid which hatched only yesterday on my way here from Johto." He remarked

Sam tossed the Poke'ball into the air, as he marvled at the small yellow and black Pokemon. " Oh, and I almost forgo to give you this as well." Professor Elm said tossing him a red, rectangular object with a picture of a Pokeball at the right end of it. " Its called a Pokedex and it records the data of Pokemon that you've caught." He explained. "Awesome!" Sam yelled as he opened it and scrolled down to Elekid.

" Elekid, the electric Pokemon. It loves violent thunder. The space between its horns flickers bluish-white when it is charging energy. It also said to charge energy by rapidly swinging its arms." The pokedex said in a robotic tone. " Well, im officialy a Pokemon trainer and I will reach my dream of become one of the Elite 4!" Sam announced.

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Please tell me what you think and give me pointers, advice, or constructive criticism. Thank you!

 

[POKEMON_MASTER_0]

Constructive criticism...

The title is unappealing, to be honest with you. When people see "Tales of a Trainer", they're going to be thinking "Oh great, another OT fic. Let's see how bad this one is."

Already, you have your readers coming in with the notion that this is a typical OT fic. This is not good. First impressions are everything and in fan fiction, a title usually is the first impression. If a fic leaves a bad first impression, then readers are likely to not read past the first chapter. If it's good, the readers will be more inclined to find your fic appealing. It could make or break your entire fiction.

As for what an appealing title has, it has to lure the reader in. For me, I find that a good title sums up the entire story with just a few words. It gets the readers going, it makes them think speculate about what they might see.

Of course, not all titles have to be this way. You just have to have something that sounds original, I guess.

 

[Blue Angel]

I agree with POKEMON_MASTER_0
The title is key.
For my story ( in production) "Tear of Life," it is difficult to tell what type of fic it will be. That has a shroud of mystery to it. Now I can't say that is the best title for my story, but I like it and it fits what the story is about.

At first when I saw your title, I read "Tales of a Trainer" which sounded a lot better than "Tale of a Trainer." "Tale of a Trainer" does sound like a typical OT fic. Adding the s made it sound like there was a legend being told or maybe so many great stories about the trainer. In my mind, it sounds better and more creative. Like a good title and somewhat "epic."

Your prologue seemed way too short. You also didn't describe why Sam got a Pokeball and Pokedex.
If you are going to say, "Because the Professors give the to ALL the trainers." that isn't quite right. In the game, at the very least, you need to do something to gain your pokemon. Like save their life by using one of them - some favor or service that helped the Professor and showed that the main character deserved a Pokemon and Pokedex.

If you read Thesis's thread on writing fanfic you may learn a lot.

I mean, for a fic that didn't seem to know all there is to know about writing a fanfic, it was certainly not at the bottom of the worst list. You have proper grammar, the ability to write, you capitalized all the right letters in your title (you would be surprised how very few do), and it didn't bore me - besides the fact that it was too fast paced, and unexplained.

 

[i like hackz]

i like elekid =D its a fairly good start

 

[Blue Angel]

i like elekid =D its a fairly good start

*smacks forehead*

It is nice to know you like Elekid, but you are supposed to give the author more constructive criticism. Saying that the story is "a fairly good start" does boost a writer's confidence - improperly in this case, because he still has work to do on description and etc. When he has it all fixed with almost no errors - then you can say that.

You are new and you want more posts, I understand - but try to gain more understanding as you gain posts. It is easier to teach a beginner new tricks than an "old" trainer(one with more posts). You might want to read some of the information here. There must be something on how to give good feedback :)

 

[i like hackz]

sorry but i just wanted to say that and personaly i dont care bout post count.
But i dont understand the you might want to read some information here.
where is the here supposed to be?
Can you post a link or maybe help me a bit yourself because u seem to be very good at it ( ive been watching fanfiction threads u replied on almost all of them ) also sorry elite 4 Sam if u see this as spam u can just ask a moderator to remove my posts preferably after Blue angel read my post
thanks,
i like hackz