Well, I may forgive you. Possibly. :P I dunno, I feel like I deserve compensation or something. Have you got any of that cake left? ;)
Also NOT GOOD ENOUGH DAMMIT I DEMAND THAT YOU CREATE SOME DRAMA FOR ME. Just pretend to be the father of one of your friend's babies or something. And then announce that you have renounced all previous aversions to the small and squirmy and you want to Be a Proper Father to that Poor Little Waif, Dammit, and you're willing to go to court to fight for your rights, so you are. While I cackle from the sidelines, like a demented squirrel. THAT SHOULD DO THE TRICK YAY