[Life] LGBTQ+ Alliance (◕‿◕)♡

[_confused_piplup_]

Updated the opening post a smol bit!

New topic, to get some talk rolling, for those who wish to participate in the topic at hand:

How would you ideally wish to come out?
Alternatively, how do you plan on coming out, if you have plans?
Or if you already have - do you wish that your coming out had gone differently?

Kinda already replied to this on the other thread. I will put a spoiler and then concentrate on the "how I wish it went differently" part.

Spoiler:

I am out only to my parents and online friends as trans and bisexual (I am mainly straight though).

My coming out experience was one of worst things I have experienced, in terms of personal feelings. I was kinda accepted by my parents, but concretely nothing changed.
I am that kind of person that expresses herself better in letters rather than in person.
I am not brave either, so one night in August I wrote a letter and after dinner I left it on the table for my parents to read it. I run into my room, got my headphones and blasted volume to the max so that I couldn't hear whatever they were saying. I cried, but I felt paralyzed because I knew that it was too much to handle for my parents.

You need to know that in the town where I lived, there was no LGBT population at all. Isn't it weird? Yes, it definitely was. I guess most people kept it a secret and many others just went to live somewhere else. I have never considered coming out to my friends as most of them are kinda conservative, but, more than that, some of them are really bothered by the LGBT thing. I knew I could trust my parents as they told me they would have accepted me, but coming out as trans wasn't a thing they could have expected, mainly for the way I look, I guess.

It was back in 2019 and I have been seeing a psychologist since then. My parents were pretty much against it at first, but then, this summer especially, they clearly told me the life is mine and I can do whatever I want. But, I often questioned if that's really "accepting" as it most feels like "we are against it, bit you do you". They love me, that's for sure, but they will probably never look at me as a girl, which kinda kills the idea of coming out itself lol.

Why do I regret it? There were no changes at all, but really just more complications. At that point of my life, I definitely needed help and I needed to clarify my ideas on transitioning and stuff, but concretely there's no difference from me being closeted back in 2018 and me now lol. My parents and me almost just forgot about my coming out. I am glad I have done it already because it was really painful to express how I felt and wait for their reactions, so I won't have to do it again with them. But, on the other hand, that's definitely not enough. I don't feel free at all. Considering that it's passed so much time, if I take an important decision in my life, I will basically have to come out again. Not to consider the rest of the family, which doesn't expect it and will pretty much be against it.

First of all, despite not having made any progress and maybe actually having made things worse after coming out, I am still glad I was kinda accepted. So, what I wish I could have changed was obviously the time: doing it as soon as I understood something was wrong (when I was 14) would have helped and now I could be living a different life. But, luckily for my mental health, I can't consider it a major regret as in that period of my life I had some other health issues going on. So, it would have made everything even more complicated.
Going back to that famous August night, I would definitely try to talk to them in person, but knowing myself, I wouldn't be able to do that not even in 100 years lol.
Then, I would have changed the letter I wrote: less references to online friends, because that scared the hell out of my parents. Like, really a lot. For me, it wasn't much of a big deal, but for them it definitely was. They were worried.
I also wish I had a clearer idea of the whole "being trans" thing.
I will develop a bit, but not enough to annoy: surely, I took my time to be sure about being trans. Fluidity and "grey areas" aren't a solid base to come out. It would have just confused their ideas. Now, it's years I have no doubt about my gender identity, but being trans looks to me more of a long path. Back then, it took me years to be convinced about my gender identity and to better understand the whole thing. If I had to come out, I had to give them certainties and not doubts as it would have made things more uncertain.
To do that, I had to convince myself first, so I kinda had a life planned, hopes and dreams to realize, but then, after coming out and talking to a psychologist, reality hit me hard and I understood that all my certainties and plans were actually not as strong and consolidated as I thought and hoped they were. That's why I think it's a path: I have really changed on so many things since when I came out. It's not a positive or a negative change, it's neutral, I'd say.
Last thing I would change, but I have talked about it before, is that I would probably avoid coming out at all. It's a paradox, but I feel a lot more fragile and uncertain since when I came out. I think my first experience wasn't good at all, because while people after the first time feel the energy to come out to other people, after 3 and more years, I really don't wanna put myself in that mess again.
But, on the positive side, I have already done something important in what was probably the only time in my life when I was strongly convinced about things and was brave enough to support them and expose myself.

 

[virtualpet]

A system! Welcome, all of you. Do you find it easiest to present androgynously due to the many different variations of your headmates, or are most of you around the androgynous side of the expressive spectrum anyways? Just curious~

Hello! Most of us are androgynous, but how we present with the body can be a bit loose. We do HRT to look more neutral but beyond that as far as dress goes we tend to just go for whatever is more comfortable and if our hair is long or short depends on the season

 

[moon]

If you already have - do you wish that your coming out had gone differently? Yeah, I was I could take mine back, lol. I came out to my parents over a random night of dinner. If I had my way and done it differently, I would have come out by throwing myself a party and be all extra, telling not only my mom and dad, but several others as well.

Ahah, well can you not still do that too? ;)

Ooh, a topic to talk about.



As you know (or may not know) I've gone through many sexual orientation changes through out my life. Now i'm even questioning my gender. I don't think i'm fully trans, but I just don't know. I can't put a label on myself yet gender wise, or orientation wise.

I just want to simply say i'm "confused" right now and my friends and family just being chill with it. Nothing flashy or extravagant. Just the simpler and low-key the better, and people just be accepting and loving. Does that make sense?

Also, Doctor, can you change my name in the member section? I'm no longer RedBalloon. Though I might make a name change in the future so it's up to you.

I think that makes a lot of sense <3

Ah yes, I will get your username changed in the list! Thanks for notifying me. I change my nickname so often here that I don't expect anybody to keep track of mine ahah

 

[moon]

Happy holidays, dear members! I hope you had (and/or are having) a lovely time in company that makes you feel safe and happy.

Spoiler:

:D

Myself, I didn't see family this year, but I had my lovely supportive spouse who kept me sane and happy <3

 

[Starlight]

Happy rainbow holidays lgbt+ fam <3

 

[moon]

So new topic! Planning any goals to reach or wishes to hopefully come through in 2023?

 

[_confused_piplup_]

So new topic! Planning any goals to reach or wishes to hopefully come through in 2023?

Hmmm, I haven't planned anything at all, but I might do something this year. Not planning to come out to anyone at all because it's kinda just a mess and would make things harder for everyone. With the way I appear, saying "I'm trans" people wouldn't believe me, so yeah.
On the other hand, I m very keen on working on my appearance. Can't do much with clothes, but I might focus on more frequent and better body hair removal.
Other than that, I'd like to meet more people like especially irl that would support me and make new friendships and I'd hope maybe a relationship. But honestly, I m not that ready yet.
Anyway, again not plans, but maybe wishes/ideas.

 

[moon]

That sounds good! I'm kind of in the same boat, tbh... I don't feel a huge urge to come out to more people irl. But I would like to focus more on my body - both appearance wise and health wise - to make myself like myself better.

 

[Megan]

Kinda same, tbh. I do need to work on the "liking myself" part. It's made especially hard thanks to stupid hair loss genes. My mother is especially bad with the "you need to cut your hair. Just go bald. blablabla" <_<

 

[Deltawarrior]

Username: Nonbinarymon
Pronouns: They/Them/He/Him
Gender: Nonbinary
Anything you want to add / general intro! : Hey there. I'm not sure what else to put here, so hai! It's meee! ((유∀유|||))

 

[moon]

Username: Nonbinarymon
Pronouns: They/Them/He/Him
Gender: Nonbinary
Anything you want to add / general intro! : Hey there. I'm not sure what else to put here, so hai! It's meee! ((유∀유|||))

Welcome to the club, Nonbinarymon! May I ask where in the big wide world you are? If you want to tell us your country of course - it's perfectly fine if you don't!

Having any plans or wishes for this year? :)

 

[Deltawarrior]

Welcome to the club, Nonbinarymon! May I ask where in the big wide world you are? If you want to tell us your country of course - it's perfectly fine if you don't!

Having any plans or wishes for this year? :)

I'd rather not say where I am. But as for my plans, I'm gonna do good in school and I might get a job!

 

[moon]

Hello all~

I have not had time to give this club nearly the energy and attention it deserves. I was hoping that someone wanted to take over as owner! Just message the moderators if so, and they can for sure fix so that the opening post is in your name instead of mine - or if you want to make an entirely new thread that might be fine too if the mods allow it!

It would be a pity to not have the Alliance running, but it has been quiet for quite some time now and a club is only active if there is interest of course, so if no one else feel like taking up the Ownership mantle, that's just how it is c:

Stay safe and love yourselves 💜

 

[Megan]

Silly thing that happened to me recently: I was setting up stuff to donate to a charity. And they require you to fill out some sort of form. You also have to choose your gender and in my case (seems like every country has a different one) they had three options: "Male", "Female" and "don't want to say".
Because I was fancy I picked the third option. And they definitely allowed that. Now, a couple days later I received a letter, basically them thanking me for donating. And they were addressing me as a woman. I was very confused. And then I got to thinking. Since I am a programmer I somewhat have an idea what went wrong.

I don't have any reason to complain at all. But it's still sad that apparently people still haven't figured out how to implement more than two genders. <_<

 

[VisionofMilotic]

Well then, i don't mind giving this club some tlc in the meantime Riki, while one captain signs out, till another one comes in.

Also i am sorry to read about the awkward experience Megan. You don't have to be a "he" or "she", I like you the way you are.



Wishing everybody a very Happy Pride Month! Know that you are in safe environment here where there is love and where you are accepted. Be yourself and be proud.

 

[starlightartist]

Username: starlightartist

Pronouns: honestly you can use whatever, but they/them is my preferred. he/him is my least favourite.

Gender: i consider myself non-binary!

Sexual / romantic orientation: i think by definition i should be pansexual but i always identify much more with bisexual for reasons i find hard to explain. so bi/pan/omni!

Anything you want to add / general intro! : ive been out as bi for about 7 or 8 years to some people now!! only figured out i was non-binary about 2 - 3 years ago, but i've always felt it i just never realised there was a name for it! i hope i didnt already post an intro in this thread cause there's a good chance i did xD but if i did then hey again :3 AND HAPPY PRIDE!! 🏳️*🌈 🏳️*🌈 🏳️*🌈 🏳️*🌈 🏳️*🌈

 

[stringzzz]

Username: stringzzz
Pronouns: He/Him/His
Gender: Cis Male
Romantic orientation: Straight
Sexual orientation: Straight
Anything you want to add / general intro! : My info might make you wonder why I would want to join... I am an ally! I was raised properly to not hate this community, and have an older brother who's gay, married, and his husband is not just gay, he's fabulous! lol. They own an all-inclusive bar, but they are actually selling it soon to get into a different kind of business. I've gotten to go to it a few times, though I don't drink, but it's pretty cool. I enjoy trying to spread acceptance of this community by trying to get people to think past their potential hatred and misunderstanding of any part of it, though I recognize that some are just too stubborn to give those mentalities up.

 

[Janp]

So with the Pride month slowly coming to an end, how did you enjoy it?

I was feeling like exploring my feminine side a little bit lately. I learned something new about masculine and feminine body language. I also learned how to apply make-up and tried on some nail polish. And I'm not sure how to describe it, but seeing my face with make-up in mirror and my hands with nail polish felt so comforting and empowering.

 

[NipahRika]

So with the Pride month slowly coming to an end, how did you enjoy it?

I am late here, but honestly felt it was good. I am glad to hear it went well for you.

 

[Crustan]

Username: Crustan
Pronouns: He/Him
Gender: Male
Sexual Orientation: Bi-curious, but I'm finding myself to be okay with being bi :3c

I personally haven't dated anyone so far, and coming out is not a thing I'll do IRL, ever.

I realised I was bi-curious earlier this year and that actually scared the crap out of me, and I think some people might relate to dealing with that stuff on your own, but now I accept it to be something I am and it is my little secret! :D